The Habit That Saved Me

If you were to ask my closest friends to describe me, I hope they’d say things like “loyal,” “creative,” or “someone who knows where the best late-night tacos are.” But if you’d asked them a couple of years ago, they might have added another: “Chronically distracted.”

It wasn’t that I didn’t care about the people around me (I did). Or that I didn’t want to be present (I really did). I just couldn’t help myself—mid-conversation, I’d mentally wander off to some faraway place, wondering whether I left the stove on or if Ross and Rachel were actually good for each other (spoiler: still not sure). And this wasn’t just limited to friends; I brought that same scattered energy into dating, too. Picture this: I’d be sitting across from someone at a cute little wine bar, smiling and nodding at their "I’m really into hiking" monologue while secretly planning my grocery list. Cue guilt. Cue romantic disasters.

I knew something had to change—and it did, thanks to one ridiculously simple habit I adopted: spending 10 minutes a day doing… nothing.

Pause, Rewind, Reassess

Now, if 10-minutes-to-peace sounds a little too much like the glossy promise of a self-help guru, I don’t blame you for letting a skeptical eyebrow rise. I was right there with you. The idea of “mindfulness” wasn't exactly new to me—I’m a writer who lives in proximity to an infinite number of yoga studios, after all. But before my breakthrough, “mindfulness” seemed like one more thing to add to my never-ending to-do list. Relax intentionally? Find purpose in my breath? Let’s just say I’d rather scroll Instagram while reheating leftover Chinese food.

But the truth was, I couldn’t keep blaming the distractions of the world around me (looking at you, neon lights, buzzing slots, and social media doom scrolls). Whether it was casual dates at speakeasies or long overdue heart-to-hearts with my best friend, the problem wasn’t life flashy distractions—it was me. My inability to pause meant I wasn’t fully present in moments that mattered.

What finally pushed me to try something different was a particularly memorable first date where I spent more time staring at my phone’s notifications than at my date’s face. I’m cringing now even typing it out. Let’s just say that was date number one and date number never again—for obvious reasons.

The 10-Minute Fix

So, what changed? A small but sacred 10-minute ritual I like to call my “sit-and-simmer break.” Every day, usually in the morning when the Vegas sun softens into gold (instead of its full “blast furnace” setting), I’d grab a coffee, sit on my patio, and do… nothing. No phone. No scrolling. No multitasking. Just me, my thoughts, and the occasional bird that ventured close to the desert landscaping in my yard.

Here’s the deal. At first, it felt like a colossal waste of time. My brain itched for action. Shouldn’t I be answering emails or Googling “what to text after a good date”? It was almost comical how often I had to swat away the tug of productivity—like a mosquito buzzing in my ear. But I kept at it, and slowly, magic started to happen.

These 10 minutes became my buffer between the chaos in my head and the connection I wanted to show others. I learned to exist in a quiet, intentional headspace, letting things settle. And here’s where it gets surprising: this habit didn’t just calm my swirling brain—it turned me into a better romantic partner.

From Distracted to Devoted

Let me just say that dating post-habit felt remarkably different—and not in a “sappy rom-com montage” way (because let’s be real, running through an airport screaming “I love you” is so pre-pandemic). Instead, I went into conversations with new energy. Here’s how the habit helped me show up in ways I’d never anticipated:

  • Active Listening, Finally: Instead of counting seconds until it was my turn to talk, I actually heard people. I caught nuances in tone, watched for body language, and found follow-up questions flowing naturally. Who knew listening could feel like a superpower?

  • Empathy Over Ego: One of the surprising side effects of those quiet sit-and-simmer moments was a growing ability to see situations from someone else’s perspective. It’s hard to explain, but when I wasn’t rushing to fill every pause with noise, I found empathy creeping in the cracks.

  • The Art of Slow Dating: Taking the time to process my thoughts before firing off a reply meant I brought more intention to dating. Maybe that was saying yes to fewer dates but committing to quality over quantity. Or giving myself permission to turn down people who were “good on paper” but didn’t spark real excitement.

The Habit in Action

Now, let’s translate my patio revelations for anyone looking to adopt this magical habit and create ripple effects in their relationships—romantic or otherwise:

  1. Start Small: The whole “10 minutes” thing is non-negotiable. Less than that, and you’re cheating the quiet space you’re carving out. But you don’t need fancy meditation apps or incense candles to make it work. Cozy up with coffee. Stare at the ceiling. The point is to commit.

  2. Make It Sacred: Think of this as a meeting with your best self—and would you reschedule a meeting with Beyoncé? Probably not. Whether it’s morning, lunch, or midnight, treat it like the non-negotiable habit it deserves to be.

  3. Tune Out the Static: No distractions. That means airplane mode ON, email OFF. Out of love for myself, I even silence my group texts (which absolutely explode anytime my cousin announces a new boyfriend).

  4. Reflect, Don’t Obsess: Instead of cycling through what went wrong in your day, do a mental inventory of gratitude. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking (“I’m grateful the green tea churros I tried weren’t gross” works just fine).

Bigger Than Dating

Although dating was the context where I first felt the habit’s effects, this small practice spilled over into every part of my life. Sitting still made me better at calling up friends just to check in, at hugging my mom for an extra moment instead of rushing to finish errands, at disconnecting from my laptop for quiet nights under the stars.

And honestly, I think the best relationships are rooted in presence—the way we look into someone else’s eyes and silently say, “I’m here with you.” My little 10-minute ritual reminded me how important it is to bring yourself fully to the table. Whether it’s a romantic diner for two, a party with friends, or a random Tuesday where you call your dad just to chat—it’s about presence, not perfection.

No Neon Lights Needed

Las Vegas has this way of dazzling and distracting, flashing and pulling your attention in every direction. Relationships, for me, are often much like this city—chaotic and beautiful, messy and meaningful. But my habit reminded me you don’t need glittery neon lights to feel connected. Sometimes all it takes is slowing down, grounding yourself, and choosing to show up fully.

So grab your coffee, find your quiet corner, and trust me—those 10 minutes might just change everything.