Have you ever boarded a plane hoping for a life-changing adventure, only to find yourself crying over a map in a foreign subway station, completely lost, clutching a sad-looking croissant for comfort? Same. But here’s the thing about travel: even in those messy, tear-streaked moments, it has a way of holding up a mirror to who you are (and who you’d maybe like to be).

When I reflect on the trips I’ve taken—from a semester abroad in Barcelona to quick getaways to Portland—I realize each journey has been less about the destination and more about self-discovery. So, whether you’re dreaming of sipping sangria on a Spanish balcony (yes, it’s as romantic as it sounds) or road-tripping across your home state, here’s what I’ve learned about myself—and maybe about you, too—through exploring new places.

You Probably Don’t Need That Many Pairs of Shoes

I learned this one the hard way. Before my first international trip, I packed like I was heading out to star in a different movie genre every day: hiking boots for the indie survival flick, heels for the rom-com dinner scene, sneakers for the globe-trotting buddy comedy. By the time I arrived in Barcelona, my suitcase weighed as much as a medium-sized child, and lugging it through cobbled streets resulted in two twisted ankles, three existential crises, and zero fun.

Turns out, minimalism is its own kind of freedom. Learning to travel light taught me not just how to pack smarter (pro tip: wear the bulkiest stuff on the plane), but also that I don’t need as much stuff to feel like myself. Relationships work the same way, don’t they? Sometimes we carry so much baggage—emotional, not Samsonite—that we forget to just show up as we are.

Getting Lost is Part of the Plan

True story: when I arrived in Lisbon once, full of Pinterest-worthy plans for tiled alleyways and pastel de nata-fueled sunsets, I promptly got hopelessly lost. My map app died, my Portuguese was limited to “obrigado,” and I began to spiral. But as I wandered through the unfamiliar streets, I stumbled across a hidden café where a kind old man served me the best espresso I’ve ever had. That was the first moment I realized how much beauty can come from letting go of control.

In travel—and in life, and let’s be honest, in love—you’re going to get lost sometimes. Like when you send a perfectly crafted “this-is-totally-casual” text to someone you like, and they respond six hours later with a thumbs-up emoji. (Why are thumbs-up emojis even legal?) But here’s what I’ve learned: getting a little off track can lead you to experiences you didn’t even know you needed. Trust the detours, romantically, geographically, and emotionally.

Saying “Yes” Can Be Scary, But Worth It

While living in Barcelona, a group of classmates invited me to join them on a spontaneous weekend trip to Morocco. The old Harper—the one who prioritized comfort zones over adventure—would’ve politely declined and stayed back, eating churros alone. But something in me whispered, “Why not?” So, off to Marrakesh I went, unprepared and slightly panicking, but alive with possibility. By the end of that weekend, I’d traded stories with locals, learned a new perspective on hospitality, and eaten tagine so good I considered moving to Morocco full-time.

Here’s the thing: saying “yes” when everything inside you screams “absolutely not!” can lead to exponential growth. In relationships and dating, this might mean agreeing to a blind date your well-meaning friend has set up (even though their track record is…questionable) or opening your heart to someone who isn’t your “usual type.” The rewards? Often worth the risk.

Comfort Zones Are, Well, Too Comfortable

I once accidentally signed up for a salsa class in a tiny neighborhood in Mexico City. When I walked in, it became clear I was the only non-local and, more importantly, I had the rhythmic grace of a baby giraffe on roller skates. Embarrassed but not wanting to back out, I stumbled my way through an hour of two-left-footed chaos. By the end of the class, a sweet woman patted me on the back and said (in Spanish), “You’re not a great dancer, but your spirit is good.”

The awkwardness of that experience was only temporary, but the confidence it gave me lasted much longer. Pushing past your comfort zone—whether on the dance floor or putting yourself emotionally out there in a relationship—teaches you to laugh at yourself, embrace your humanity, and get back up when you trip (literally or figuratively). No one grows by staying in their safe little bubble forever.

Solitude Isn’t Loneliness

Before my semester abroad, I thought traveling alone sounded like a plot device in a quirky indie film (cue the soundtrack by some obscure band). I romanticized it but feared it at the same time. Would I feel lonely and weird eating dinner with no one to share appetizer bites with? Would people stare at me for reading my book in a café instead of talking to a friend?

Here’s the truth: solo travel is one of the most enriching experiences you’ll ever have. I learned that being by myself in unfamiliar places not only wasn’t scary—it was liberating. I got to decide where I went, how long I stayed, and whether I ordered the croissant or the chocolate croissant (spoiler alert: both). Even now, back in my day-to-day life, I cherish the quiet comfort of my own company. And when it comes to dating, being good at being alone frees you from relying on someone else to complete you. You’re already whole.

The World is Big, and You’re (Happily) Small

One starlit night in Big Bend National Park, I lay on a blanket staring at a sky so full of stars it felt like an astronomical hug. In that moment, I was struck by how vast the universe is—and how hilariously small my everyday hassles and dramas were by comparison. (Did it really matter that someone had ghosted me after three okay-ish dates? Spoiler: it did not.)

Travel has a funny way of humbling you like that. It reminds you of your place in the grand, dazzling mosaic of humanity. It also reminds you how much there is to explore—both out in the world and inside yourself. If you can carry that sense of wonder home with you, you’ll find more joy in the ordinary, whether it’s your morning coffee routine or the slow evolution of a new relationship.

Final Boarding Notes

Travel scratches the same itch that dating and relationships do: It’s about discovery, curiosity, and (let’s be real) getting a little uncomfortable now and then. Whether you’re packing your bags for your next adventure or just moving through this wild journey called life, remember this: You’re braver than you think, more adaptable than you realize, and perfectly capable of figuring it out.

So, here’s to boarding planes, swiping passports, and navigating the metaphoric maps of your heart. May each adventure—romantic or otherwise—bring you closer to understanding the beautifully complex masterpiece that is, well, you. Bon voyage!