We’ve all been there—standing at life’s crossroads, staring down the glittering promises of “happily ever after” while clutching a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and humming along to Adele. Relationships, in all their unpredictable glory, have a way of turning life into both a rom-com and a survival drama. As someone who grew up in a creaky sea captain’s home where tales of shipwrecks and triumphs echoed through dinner conversations, I’ve learned a thing or two about navigating stormy waters. What I stand for—both in love and life—is pretty simple: be real, embrace the messy parts, and always pack snacks for the journey.

Let’s dive deeper into this, shall we?

1. When in Doubt, Anchor Yourself in Authenticity

What’s the point of building a beautiful ship if it springs a leak every time you’re tested? Authenticity, to me, is the bedrock of any solid relationship. It’s not about perfection (because, spoiler alert, none of us are perfect). It’s about showing up as yourself—not some overly-filtered version that’s been edited to fit someone else’s preferences.

Growing up in Kennebunkport, I learned that the sea is both gorgeous and unpredictable. What you see on the surface can only guide you so far; true navigation comes from knowing the depths below. The same is true in relationships. Forget the facade. If you love nerdy trivia, sing sea shanties on road trips, or can’t go a day without quoting Pride and Prejudice—own it. Pretending to be someone else is exhausting, and frankly, who has the time?

Practical Takeaway:
- Before entering a relationship, take stock of who you are. What are your “non-negotiables” (the things that truly make you tick)? Guard those fiercely.
- Don’t be afraid to let your quirks shine on the first date. If they don’t vibe with your enthusiasm for period dramas or your collection of obscure coffee mugs, better to find out now.

2. Embrace the Storms (Yes, Even the Messy Ones)

Here’s something New England taught me: you can plan the most picturesque sail, but if the wind shifts unexpectedly, you’d better have your wits about you. Relationships are like that too. No matter how idyllic something seems, waves of miscommunication, differing priorities, or unexpected challenges will arise. And you know what? That’s okay.

One particularly vivid memory of this came during my junior year abroad in England. My then-boyfriend and I, full of optimism, decided to canoe along the River Thames. Long story short, it devolved into one of those spats that starts out amusing (Who forgot the sunscreen?), but spirals into existential despair (Do we even want the same future?). By the time we reached dry land, we’d discovered so much about ourselves—and each other—that we joked about naming our future yacht “Awkward Silence.”

The takeaway wasn’t just that we needed better sunscreen (though, seriously, SPF matters). It was this: learning to communicate and weather life’s storms together makes or breaks a relationship. Conflict isn’t a red flag—it’s a reality check. The question is whether you’re both willing to grab a bucket and bail out the water.

Practical Takeaway:
- Conflict doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. Approach disagreements with curiosity rather than defensiveness.
- Remember to laugh when things go hilariously awry. A little humor can go a long way toward softening tension.

3. Keep It Simple and Keep It Playful

Sometimes, the best parts of relationships are the moments that catch you off guard—sharing fries at midnight or arguing over which Murder, She Wrote episode is truly iconic (hint: it’s all of them). Romance doesn’t have to be lavish to be meaningful. In fact, I’d argue that simplicity is severely underrated.

Take my parents, for example—they’ve been together for decades, and their idea of a date night consists of cracking lobsters on the back deck with an aged bottle of sparkling wine from “Grampy’s Special Reserve.” For them, connection isn’t about candlelit dinners; it’s about showing up for each other—consistently, comfortably, and with plenty of bibs to catch the drips.

I borrowed that philosophy when I planned my own first date with a college crush—I invited him to trail me around the rocky coast looking for sea glass. Not only did we have a great time talking (and debating whether the green shard was really from a Coke bottle), but our sore legs the next day gave us a built-in excuse for Date #2: ice cream and recovery.

Practical Takeaway:
- You don’t need grand gestures to create magic. Thoughtfulness trumps extravagance every time.
- Look for opportunities to turn the ordinary into something memorable. The best moments often come when you aren’t even trying.

4. Honesty: The Captain of Connection

Do you know what scares me the most in relationships? Ghosting. It’s like leaving the harbor without raising the anchor—sooner or later, someone’s going adrift. Trust me when I say: be the person who communicates, even when it’s hard. Breakups, disappointments, and, yes, even rejections are part of the human experience, but ghosting? That’s earned its spot as my personal pet peeve.

I once had the misfortune of being ghosted by someone I thought was the Mister Darcy to my Elizabeth Bennet. Instead of closure, I got radio silence and the unsettling realization that my double texts were echoing into the void. While it certainly stung at the time, it also shaped how I approached relationships moving forward. Honesty—even the messy, awkward kind—is always better than leaving someone in the lurch. It’s about respect, plain and simple.

Practical Takeaway:
- Practice the art of direct communication. If you’re not feeling it, say so. You’ll spare someone else endless overthinking.
- Don’t fear vulnerability. Sure, opening up is terrifying, but it’s the only way to forge real, lasting connections.

5. Celebrate the Small Joys Along the Journey

If I’ve learned anything from living by the ragged edge of the Atlantic, it’s this: life is swift, salty, and spectacularly short. And while enduring love stories are worth working toward, they’re not the end-all, be-all of happiness. Sometimes, the connection you make with yourself—over fresh-baked biscuits or watching the sun slide past the harbor—is just as profound.

Dating, relationships, marital bliss, the adorable chaos of family life—these are beautiful, fleeting moments to savor rather than rush through. Wherever you are in your relationship arc, pause for gratitude. Love, like life, is more about the small stitches that hold the fabric together than any one grand design.

Practical Takeaway:
- Don’t wait for “big milestones” to celebrate. Cheers to the little victories that indicate growth and care.
- Learn to appreciate the journey, whether you’re single, coupled up, or treading the oh-so-confusing in-between.

In the end, what I stand for—the foundation of my life, loves, and writing—is anchored in authenticity, humor, and a willingness to embrace the messy bits. Relationships, like seas, are endlessly curious and full of surprises. My advice? Set sail boldly, pack a picnic basket for the ride, and don’t forget to stop and enjoy the view.