Curiosity is one of those underrated superpowers—you know, like the ability to parallel park on a busy D.C. street or whip up a plate of ackee and saltfish without setting off your smoke detector. We don’t talk about it enough, but curiosity has a way of unlocking doors we didn’t even know existed. The same holds true in relationships. Whether it’s the spark of a new crush or the consistency of lifelong commitment, curiosity keeps things fresh, exciting, and full of potential.

And let’s be real—curiosity isn’t just for nosy neighbors or science geeks. It’s about asking questions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and leaning into the unknown with wide-eyed wonder. In relationships, it’s the secret sauce that transforms “Eh, we’re fine” into “Wow, I love that we’re still learning about each other.” So, let’s talk about the joy of being curious—and how curiosity can lead to places (and people) you’d never expect.

The Power of a Well-Timed Question

Growing up in a Jamaican American household, I learned quickly that asking questions was both a privilege and a gamble. My mother, a no-nonsense nurse who didn’t have time for foolishness, would hit me with a raised eyebrow any time I asked, “Why?” But for every time I tested her patience, I uncovered something invaluable: the stories behind the spicy jerk chicken recipe, the sacrifices she made to put me through school, and her secret grudge against people who didn’t return Tupperware.

In relationships, a well-timed question can be just as transformative. Whether you’re asking someone about their most cherished childhood memory on a first date or getting nosy about their goals during year three of your partnership, questions open the door to intimacy. And no, I don’t mean firing off generic interview-style questions like, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Save that for HR. Instead, get playful, even cheeky:

  • “What’s the most embarrassing song on your playlist right now?”
  • “If your best friend wrote your dating profile, what would the first sentence say?”
  • “What’s something you’ve never told anyone but always wanted to share?”

These types of questions not only disarm people (in a good way) but invite them to share pieces of themselves that often go unexplored. It’s like cracking open a book everyone assumes they already know but discovering footnotes full of treasure.

Embracing the Curveballs

One summer in college, I studied abroad in Kingston, Jamaica, to connect with my roots. I thought I knew exactly what to expect—coconut water, reggae beats, and kind elders telling me my patois needed work. What I didn’t expect was to strike up a conversation with a vendor selling handmade bracelets, which led to a random detour into a Rastafarian community tucked away in the Blue Mountains. What started as idle curiosity turned into a transformative day of plant-based cooking, spiritual discussion, and honestly, the best ital stew I’ve ever had in my life.

Here’s the thing about curiosity: it thrives in the unexpected. Sometimes, being curious means saying “yes” to life’s curveballs. In dating, it might look like swiping right on someone who doesn’t fit your usual “type” or being open to new experiences—like salsa dancing when you have two left feet, or trying hot yoga even though every fiber of your being tells you it’s a mistake (spoiler alert: you’re gonna sweat in places you didn’t think possible).

By embracing the curveballs, you’re not just gathering stories to laugh about later—you’re growing. And nothing builds connection quite like inviting someone to join you on that wild, beautiful ride.

Staying Curious in Long-Term Relationships

Curiosity doesn’t just spark new relationships—it also keeps long-term ones alive. Think about it: have you ever met a couple that’s been married for decades, yet still looks at each other like they’ve got a shared secret? That’s curiosity in action.

A friend of mine once described a regular practice she and her husband use to stay connected after ten years of marriage. They call it their “curiosity hour.” Once a month, they set aside time to ask each other two questions they’ve never asked before, no matter how silly or profound. One time, he asked her, “What’s the most ridiculous belief you had as a kid?” She revealed she was convinced her goldfish could read her mind. (To be fair, she was six.) On another occasion, she asked him, “What’s one talent you wish you had?” He confessed he’d always wanted to learn the trumpet.

It’s not rocket science—just intentional effort to keep discovering each other. For long-term partners, curiosity invites you to live in the present moment and resist autopilot.

Igniting Your Own Curiosity

So, how do you cultivate curiosity when life feels overwhelming, stagnant, or somewhere in between? Here’s a little cheat code to get started:

  1. Give Compliments with Depth. Instead of saying, “You’re smart,” try, “I’m so curious about how your brain works—how did you come up with that idea?” It shifts the focus from generic flattery to genuine engagement.

  2. Shift Your Perspective. A mentor once told me, “Don’t learn just to know; learn to see.” Pick a topic, hobby, or even a part of someone else’s culture and explore it—not to master it, but to appreciate the nuance.

  3. Keep a “Curiosity Jar.” This one’s a bit unconventional, but fun. Write down random questions you think of during the day—anything from “What’s the weirdest animal migration pattern?” to “What would happen if I tried baking bread?” Pull one out when you’re feeling bored and chase the answer.

  4. Challenge Assumptions. You think your coworker is distant, but what if they’re just shy? You assume your partner doesn’t care about X, but maybe they’ve never had the opportunity to talk about it. Curiosity asks: “What’s the story here that I might not know?”

Love as a Lifelong Question

At the heart of curiosity lies humility—the willingness to admit there’s so much we don’t know yet. And isn’t that the best metaphor for love? Whether you’re dating casually or navigating the marathon of a committed relationship, embracing curiosity keeps the journey fresh.

So here’s your challenge: Ask a wild question. Say “yes” to something unexpected. Choose curiosity over complacency. You might find yourself on a road where the destination isn’t just someone else—it’s a better, fuller version of yourself, too. And isn’t that what connection is all about?