I was mid-latte sip, blissfully unaware that one phone call would shake up my carefully laid plans and rewrite the story I thought I was penning. The steaming cup of vanilla-flavored ambition sat on the coffee table, and I was deep in editing a working draft—a novel that was going to be “the one,” or so I thought. My phone buzzed, displaying a name I hadn’t seen in years: Dr. Tanya Lewis. Tanya, my junior year Journalism professor and unofficial life coach, had a habit of swooping in when I was teetering on the edge of big decisions—usually offering advice that walked the thin line between brutal honesty and warm maternal nudging. Naturally, I answered.

What followed was a conversation so life-altering it probably should’ve come with background music—cue Sade’s “Smooth Operator.”

“What Are You Waiting For?”

Tanya wasted no time on casual pleasantries. “Ebony, have you seriously not submitted anything to The New Yorker yet?” she asked, her voice sharp enough to cut through the Texas humidity wafting through my apartment.

Confession time: I hadn’t. For years, I’d wrestled with self-doubt the way Beyoncé wrestles with a wind machine on stage—boldly but not always gracefully. Sure, my resume proved I could write. My bookshelf sported a couple of my own novels, and my time as a speechwriter taught me that rhetoric could move mountains—or at least a few voters. Still, like a bad rom-com protagonist with too much pride, I kept telling myself it just wasn’t “the right time” to aim higher.

Tanya wasn’t here for any of that. “You have a story the world needs,” she said. “That manuscript you sent me last Christmas? Girl, stop sitting on brilliance like it’s a bench at DFW Airport.” I laughed, mostly because she wasn’t wrong. My parents didn’t spend endless hours ferrying me between fencing practice, debate club, and piano lessons for me to water down my gifts.

By the end of that call, something had shifted. I hung up, opened my laptop, and rolled up my metaphorical sleeves.

Defining Moments Are Sneaky Like That

Looking back, it wasn’t just Tanya’s push that made those words of hers echo louder than Bruno Mars at your cousin’s wedding. It was the ripple effect it triggered.

Defining moments can disguise themselves in the mundane: the “random” lunch date that leads to a new job, or the stranger who becomes your forever partner after asking for directions. This phone call? It was mine. Tanya’s faith in me snapped something into focus.

Here’s the thing about these moments—they reveal you to yourself. I always thought I needed an external ticking clock to start, but the truth was I’d had deadlines for days. What I’d been missing was the courage to honor them.

For the next two weeks, I worked on a pitch and polished a personal essay about my grandmother—a love letter that explored grief and resilience through the scent of magnolias and memories of Sunday gospel hymns. And finally, with more nerves than a bachelorette at her final dress fitting, I hit “Send.”

Lessons From That Call

I know, not everyone gets a timely pep talk from their life’s equivalent of Dumbledore in heels. But we all get moments that challenge us to choose ourselves. Here’s what I learned when mine arrived:

1. Listen to Your Inner Cheerleaders

Some people see your light when you’ve been too bogged down with self-doubt to notice it yourself. Find those people. Keep them close. And when they call you out (lovingly), don’t just nod along; act on it.

2. It’s Not Too Late (or Too Early)

If I had a dollar for every time I told myself, I’ll do that when the timing is better, I could probably buy a ticket to Paris with room for souvenirs. Newsflash: The “perfect” time is like a unicorn—you’ll waste your life chasing it. The time is whenever you decide to step up.

3. Growth Is Uncomfortable, but Worth It

Letting Tanya’s words sink in meant admitting I’d been playing small. Growth doesn’t come from staying cozy in your bathrobe of familiar routines. It comes from stretching, leaping, and yes, occasionally falling flat on your face.

4. Celebrate Progress, No Matter the Outcome

Here’s the kicker: That pitch didn’t land at The New Yorker. But months later, a different editor I’d never submitted to reached out—because Tanya had shared my essay with someone in her network. One publication led to another and another until I landed at home here, writing for you.

Answer With Confidence

While that call didn’t lead to an immediate Pulitzer or Oprah’s book club sticker, it cracked open a door I didn’t know I was ready to walk through. Many points in life mirror dating: you weigh your options, risk rejection, and try to present your most authentic self—all while hoping for the best. That pivotal call taught me not just to answer the phone, but to answer the call of who I’m meant to be.

“From Flirt to Familiar” isn’t just for relationships—it’s a mindset. It’s about leaning into who you are, flirting a little with life’s risks, and then making those connections solid and undeniable. And if a trusted Tanya-like figure drops a truth bomb in your lap, here’s my advice: Pick it up and run with it.