The smell of bacon grease and biscuits always reminds me of my grandmother, Mary Ellen—a fiery woman who could spin a tale faster than you could blink. She had a story for everything: the best way to bring in a garden harvest, the time she caught a black snake in the chicken coop, or, my personal favorite, the courtship of her and my grandfather. Growing up in rural West Virginia, where a trip to Walmart felt like a grand adventure, these family stories weren’t just tales—they were lessons. Lessons in love, resilience, and humor that I carry with me to this day.
Love Lessons from a 1940s Kitchen Table
One of the most enduring stories from my family lore is how my grandparents came to be. Grandma Mary Ellen wasn’t initially sold on my grandfather Boyd. In her words, “He had the look of a man who’d never been told no—and I was determined to be his first.” According to her, he strutted around town like Errol Flynn but with the charm of a man trying to sell a bridge he didn’t own.
Still, Boyd was persistent. His courtship strategy? Bringing her fresh ears of corn from his summer crop, week after week. “It wasn’t the corn,” she admitted years later. “It was the fact that he kept showing up—bent over backwards to prove he was serious.”
This rustic courtship might sound quaint in the age of Instagram and double taps, but the message holds true: showing up matters. Whether in dating or relationships, grand gestures are overrated. It’s the consistency—the act of proving yourself in small, steady ways—that lays the groundwork for trust.
Family Fables and the Art of Resilience
Then there’s the tale of Uncle Bobby, a man known far and wide in the family for his unique take on “problem-solving.” Bobby’s wife Wanda once caught him playing cards in the garage after he’d sworn off gambling. Instead of getting mad, she pulled his chair out from under him and told him he’d best be glad she’d married “a man built for forgiveness.” They were married for 45 years.
Their relationship wasn’t perfect—whose is?—but their story taught me something essential about long-term love: It’s not about never messing up. It’s about acknowledging when you do and having a partner who will call you out in ways that don’t break you.
Modern dating culture sometimes feels allergic to this kind of accountability. Ghosting instead of having tough conversations, obsessive filtering based on “dealbreakers” that wouldn’t faze people like Wanda—all in an effort to avoid vulnerability. But vulnerability is the currency of connection, and nobody knew that better than Bobby and Wanda.
The Story You’re Writing Together
Family stories, for all their quirks, always seem to circle back to the same lesson: connection is ultimately about how much of yourself you’re willing to lay on the table—and how much room you’ll make for someone else.
I think a lot about my parents when I consider this. They weren’t the kind to openly swoon over one another. In fact, their love language seemed to be equal parts teasing and a steady, no-nonsense care for one another. My dad would pack my mom’s lunch every day before heading off to the coal mine, always making sure the sandwich was cut in diagonals—“Triangles are classier than squares,” he’d say with a wink.
Their story wasn’t flashy, but it was a quiet roadmap for what it means to love someone not in spite of their habits, but because of them. And it’s the same principle that has stayed with me when building and sustaining my own relationships.
Building Your Own Lore
So how do you take these bits of handed-down wisdom and use them to shape your view of relationships—or life, for that matter? You start small, like most good stories do.
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Find Someone Who Shows Up
This doesn’t mean waiting for someone to bring you a crate of corn à la Grandpa Boyd (though bonus points if they do!). It means noticing who invests time and thought into the relationship, no matter how casual or serious it is. Showing up is foundational—and never goes out of style. -
Learn to Laugh Together
If you’re not cracking up at least once a day with your partner, you’re doing it wrong. Take it from Aunt Wanda and Uncle Bobby: the ability to turn a tense moment into a funny memory is a relationship superpower. Plus, laughter diffuses conflict like nothing else. -
Celebrate Imperfections
Cut the sandwich diagonally, literally or metaphorically. Love isn’t about chasing perfection; it’s about reveling in the quirky, imperfect details that make someone worth knowing. -
Be Willing to Forgive
Not everything is forgivable, I’ll acknowledge that. But if something is worth fixing, the choice to forgive—yourself or the other person—is an act of courage and grace that can strengthen connections.
Every Family Has a Legacy
I’ve spent my life compiling stories—both from the mouths of my relatives and my experiences of love and relationships. What I’ve learned is that the common thread weaving through these tales isn’t perfection or fairy-tale endings. It’s effort. It’s intention. It’s finding ways to navigate together, finding balance between who you are as individuals and who you are as a team.
So the next time you’re out on a date, texting someone you like, or even reevaluating your current relationship, ask yourself this: What kind of story am I writing here? Is it one that values showing up, laughing often, forgiving mistakes, and embracing the imperfections that make life beautiful?
If the answer is yes, then I’d say you’re on your way to building lore worthy of Sunday morning coffee pots and smoky bacon kitchens. My family would toast to that—though fair warning, they’d probably do it with a mason jar of moonshine rather than champagne.
