Is That… a Bat?

There’s something unsettling about finding yourself in a cavernous space where sunlight struggles to reach. And, if I may be honest right from the jump, usually by the third date, I avoid suggesting anything that involves headlamps, climbing gear, or... bats. But here I was, double-checking my ankle boots and wondering how I let my then-boyfriend, James, talk me into exploring a flooded cave system deep in Kentucky.

And no, before you ask—this wasn’t one of those carefully curated Instagram “adventures” complete with a perfect glow-up shot of me against a glowing cavern wall. This was humid, slightly claustrophobic, and involved me repeatedly questioning all my life choices while trying to preserve what dignity I had left in a questionable pair of denim shorts. But I digress.

This wasn’t your typical weekend getaway; it was Mammoth Cave National Park, a stunning subterranean paradise filled with history, mystery, and the faint possibility that I’d never make it back to the surface looking glamorous—or breathing, but who’s counting. If you’ve never been underground with someone you're still trying to impress, let me tell you, it’s wildly clarifying. A journey like this strips away the façade—quite literally in my case since sweating profusely is not an elegant look. It reveals the truth about yourself, your date, and whether or not you can possibly survive each other's quirks for longer than a weekend.

Let’s Set the Scene: Romantic? Not Quite.

Caves, at least for me, scream suspense novels, ancient curses, and maybe a highly dramatic scene involving an archeologist in a khaki shirt. What they do not scream is romance. But James, a charming geology enthusiast (yes, they exist), had sold me on this trip with tales of glittering rock formations, underground rivers, and the beauty of “getting away from it all.” I should have clarified what “it all” entailed because, apparently, “it” included oxygen levels I was comfortable with.

Mind you, I'm not averse to adventure. I grew up in Savannah, a city that practically breathes Southern elegance and maybe a few ghosts, so I’ve learned to appreciate the charm in quirks and curiosities. But Savannah’s adventures are above-ground, filled with tea and wraparound porches—not leagues deep into the Earth.

Still, Mammoth Cave beckoned. Its endlessly winding tunnels and awe-inspiring chambers practically whispered their secrets to me. Fun fact: it’s the longest cave system in the world, clocking in at over 400 miles. Slightly less fun fact: once you’re in there, “Where’s the bathroom?” is not a question with an easy answer.

A First Date in Disguise

Okay, so technically this wasn’t a first date, but spending hours in a damp, dimly lit cave with someone can feel like one. Ever heard of the saying, “You really get to know someone when you travel together”? That applies tenfold when you’re dragging each other through murky waters and climbing slippery rock surfaces. Every awkward slip, every embarrassing grunt, every split-second decision about whether to admit you’re sort of afraid of bats—it’s all laid bare.

I remember distinctly James attempting to identify stalactites and stalagmites for me (geology nerd, remember?) while I was preoccupied with thoughts like, “Does this headlamp make my forehead look huge?” and “Why do I hear dripping but can’t see the water source?” Romance is, admittedly, hard to come by when you’re hyper-aware that your makeup is probably somewhere down a stream by now.

But here's where the magic of a shared experience like this kicks in. There was laughter—so much laughter—when both of us nearly got stuck in a particularly narrow passage. There was teamwork, because it’s impossible to navigate slick cave rocks without helping each other out. And at some point, amidst the sound of rushing streams and the occasional shriek of distant wildlife, there was strange, unexpected closeness. What started as me thinking, “This guy has lost his mind” turned into an oddly sweet partnership that had me mildly reconsidering my life rules about adventure trips.

How to Survive (and Maybe Thrive) Underground

Romantic or not, cave excursions—and really any uncommon dates—have a way of teaching you things about yourself and others that no dinner reservation or candlelight conversation can match. If you’re thinking about venturing outside of your usual comfort zone with someone new, here are a few tips to ensure it doesn’t feel like an audition for Survivor: Relationship Edition:

  1. Wear the Right Shoes (Also, the Right Mindset):
    If I could go back in time, I’d have traded out my ankle boots for sturdier hiking shoes. Think function over fashion when you have no idea what terrain is coming next. The same goes for your mindset: be prepared for the unexpected, whether that’s climbing over boulders or admitting you don’t know what direction left is underground.

  2. Bring Your Sense of Humor (and Snacks):
    There’s no surefire way to test whether someone is your type quite like being in a slightly uncomfortable situation together. Pack humor for the trek—it’s the best way to diffuse any awkwardness. Your ability to laugh together might matter more than knowing where you’re going. Oh, and pack snacks for obvious reasons. Nobody is adorable when they’re hangry.

  3. Lean Into Vulnerability:
    It’s easy to lose the sheen of mystery when you’re sweating buckets and wildly flapping your arms at what you think is a bat. But there’s something kind of beautiful about allowing yourself to be seen in moments of spontaneity and discomfort. Vulnerability, in a weird way, can help solidify those early relationship foundations.

  4. Take the Long View:
    Emerging from that cave—dirty, tired, but somehow exhilarated—reminded me why I’d agreed to the trip in the first place: shared adventure breeds connection. Every slightly less-than-sexy moment underground melted away as soon as we were back in the sunlight. (Well, not every moment—there’s only so much charm you can reclaim with wet socks.)

From Confusion to Clarity

James and I didn’t end up becoming a forever story, but I don’t regret a single muddy step through Mammoth Cave with him. That trip wasn’t just about exploring ancient rock formations; it was about discovering how open I could be to new things, how much patience I could summon when I desperately wanted to ask, “Are we there yet?” (mental note: don’t say this on the third date, or ever), and how important it is to spend time with people who make you feel both grounded and adventurous.

The craziest places often reveal the craziest truths, and something about being miles underground taught me to lighten up—to loosen my grip on expectations and embrace the unexpected.

If I ever find myself in another cave—an unlikely scenario considering humidity and I do not get along—I’ll probably laugh remembering that trip. Because whether you’re navigating tunnels or relationships, everything is a little less daunting when you lean into it with curiosity, kindness, and maybe a snack or two stashed in your backpack.