Here’s the thing about habits: they sneak into our lives like unexpected houseguests. Some arrive with flowers and a bottle of wine (our self-care routines, morning walks, or green smoothies), and others plant themselves on our metaphorical couch with no intention of leaving (procrastinating, doom-scrolling TikTok, or texting our ex at 2 a.m. after one too many margaritas). Two years ago, in the midst of juggling work deadlines, Sunday brunches, and a frustrating lack of emotional availability from my own heart—I stumbled across a habit that turned my life on its head.

I’ll tell you what it is, but first, let’s backtrack a little.

The Moment Everything Felt “Off”

If life were a rom-com, this would be the part where the heroine holds a pint of rocky road while staring at couples walking past her window. Picture me sitting in my Dallas apartment: successful on paper, well-dressed down to my meticulously curated gold hoops, but still feeling like I was emotionally spinning my wheels.

I’d spent years mastering the art of doing everything. Political speechwriting? Nailed it. Publishing books? Check. Making sure my family Christmas cards sparkled with effortless perfection? Done and done. But when it came to my relationships—with myself, my partner, and even with my friends—something was always eclipsed by the urgency of my to-do list.

Then came The Question—posed casually during a conversation with a friend who couldn’t fathom that someone as seemingly “balanced” as I claimed not to schedule downtime. She tilted her head, fork poking through a slice of lemon pie, and asked, “When’s the last time you just... logged out? No plans. Nothing expected. Just let yourself exist?”

Her tone was light, but it landed like a challenge. And listen, I’m not saying my jaw dropped dramatically, but let’s just say if my life had a soundtrack, Sade’s “By Your Side” would have to record scratch right here. Just... exist? Did adults even do that?

Cue the epiphany.

The Tiny Habit That Created Big Change: Scheduling “Me Time”

It sounds cliché, I know. “Me time” is so buzzword-y that it practically begs for an eye-roll. But hear me out— I didn’t just “do less work” or exchange my busy schedule for glowy bath bombs (although I’m not knocking them). I made a structured commitment. Every week, I blocked two hours for myself in my calendar—just as unbreakable as a client meeting, as sacred as a hair appointment, and as life-saving as a strong cup of coffee on Monday morning.

My only rule? During that time, I couldn’t be “productive” in any traditional sense. No crossing off tasks. No tidying up my apartment. And absolutely no scrolling.

I didn’t know what it would look like when I started. Sometimes I’d walk aimlessly through my neighborhood with no destination, humming Aretha songs in my head. Other days, I’d sip coffee on my balcony with nothing but a notebook and watch the Texas breeze rustle through my neighbor’s hydrangeas. Occasionally, I’d even dance—with my Spotify “Throwback Jams” playlist blasting—and not worry about whether I had enough rhythm to keep up with myself. (Spoiler: I did not.)

What I Learned From Doing “Nothing”

Turns out, making a habit out of unscheduled self-care taught me more about relationships—especially romantic ones—than years of dating ever could. After all, if you don’t spend enough time alone to connect with yourself, how can you make space for someone else? Here’s what I realized:

  1. Emotional exhaustion is sneaky. You don’t notice it creeping in when your days are “go-go-go,” but when I slowed down, I realized just how much energy I’d been pouring into appearing like I had it all figured out. I was the friend with a solution for everyone else’s problem but never paused to ask myself what I needed. Here’s my newsflash: You can’t build a house of emotional intimacy with someone else if your own foundation is all cracked up.

  2. Joy doesn’t have to be “productive.”
    This was a hard pill to swallow for an overachiever like me. For years, I associated my worth with accomplishments: Did I finish the To-Do List of Doom? Did I land that professional opportunity? Did I make the perfect Pinterest-worthy apple pie? But joy isn’t a clickable box to check. Sometimes it’s just singing your favorite Mary J. Blige song in the shower or letting yourself nap in the middle of a Saturday.

  3. Dating is so much better when you know what makes you happy.
    My alone time became this mirror, reflecting back what truly brought me comfort, excitement, and peace—things I could now vocalize and share with a romantic partner. Over time, I stopped saying yes to dates out of politeness or chasing Instagrammable moments. Instead, I found myself daring to be honest about whether someone matched my energy.

Habits Have Ripple Effects (Like a Beyoncé-inspired Life Tour)

So what happens when you prioritize yourself, even for just two hours a week? Let me tell you: you might just start feeling like the Beyoncé of your own life. Suddenly, you’re not afraid to make eye contact with your reflection because you’re not running on that empty “I-have-to-be-busy-to-be-worthy” battery. You start responding to texts and calls—not out of obligation but out of genuine enthusiasm to connect. You start becoming someone whose joy emanates from within, and trust me, people notice that glow.

How to Build Your Own "Me Time" Habit

If you want to try it yourself, here’s how I got started:

  • Mark your calendar like it owes you money. Choose a specific time slot—yes, even if it’s just 30 minutes—and treat it like it’s the most important meeting of your week.
  • Communicate it to your circle. Whether it’s your partner, family, or best friend, let the important people in your life know. “This is my protected time to recharge.” Setting boundaries = loving yourself.
  • Experiment without judgment. Want to journal? Cool. Fancy curling up with a blanket to re-read some Toni Morrison prose? Fantastic. Prefer staring at a wall because you finally stopped multitasking for five seconds? Perfect. Your “nothing” doesn’t have to look like mine.
  • Hold yourself accountable. Block out distractions. Set your phone to Do Not Disturb, mute the TikTok notifications, and accept that some emails can wait. Trust me, the world won’t implode.

The Unbothered Afterglow

In the two years since adopting this habit, I can confidently say that it’s been the most intimate relationship I’ve ever had—with myself. And crazy enough, that intentional commitment made my other relationships healthier, too. Where once I’d run through life so caught up in the rapid pace that I’d forgotten to breathe, I now find joy in the quiet, unassuming moments.

Some lessons are loud. Others hum softly, like a melody you almost miss. This one whispered: When you prioritize yourself, you open the door for everything and everyone else to fit where they’re meant to—without struggle, without forcing the pieces together, and certainly without neglecting the most important person in your life: You.

And with that, go pencil in your sacred time. Beyoncé-level glowing self should be your 2024 vibe. You’ve got this. Go be your own habit that saves you.