Unpacking My Obsessions

I have a slight – okay, major – obsession with plants. Not just the “I have a potted peace lily on the windowsill” kind. I’m talking full-blown, jungle-in-my-living-room levels of obsession. If you walked into my London flat, you’d think you’d stumbled onto the set of Jumanji. Fiddle-leaf figs, pothos vines, spider plants, you name it. A small rubber plant I named Adeola even occupies the passenger seat when I drive (only when necessary, I promise).

It’s more than just aesthetic, though I’ll admit no one’s ever been mad at a date night surrounded by the ultimate conversation starter. My obsession with plants, like many of my quirkiest loves, tells an intimate story about who I am. It’s not just me being “on trend” (though shoutout to Instagram plant moms). It’s rooted – pun intended – in much deeper soil: my childhood, my culture, and the way I’ve grown into adulthood.

Let me take you on a little tour of my quirks and why they’re worth unpacking.

The Language of Leaves (Or Why I’m Always Trying to Keep Things Green)

Growing up amidst Abuja’s rush of life and red earth, plants were everywhere. My grandmother had a small garden behind her house where she cultivated cassava, tomatoes, and ugu leaves. My early memories involve her lectures about how each plant had its time to blossom – an analogy, as I came to understand, for everything in life.

Those lessons stayed with me, becoming a quiet metaphor for my relationships. Some connections, like fast-growing mint, flourish almost immediately but wilt when neglected. Others – the slow, stubborn friendships – are more like bonsais: requiring patience, intentionality, and care. My plant obsession isn’t just about decoration. Each leafy companion is a reminder of this rhythm.

So, how does this plant obsession translate to my relationships? For starters, I’ve learned the hard way that you cannot rush growth – for plants or for people. You can water a cactus six times a day and still not turn it into a rainforest fern. Similarly, you cannot force someone to evolve beyond their pace. Trust me, I’ve tried. Lesson learned.

Afro-Pop Playlists and My Emotional Soundtracks

If plants dominate one part of my life, Afro-pop dominates another. Blame it on my love for stories wrapped in rhythm. Tiwa Savage, Burna Boy, and Ayra Starr all know how to make my heart race and, occasionally, how to mend it.

I’ve got playlists for everything: flirting (Burna’s “Gbona” is undefeated), deep conversations (cue anything by Asa), and heartbreak (Chike’s Boo of the Booless wrecks me every time). Romance, to me, feels less like a movie scene and more like a perfect song – layered, unpredictable, and full of energy. What’s an evening-in vibe without Burna Boy crooning in the background?

For the record, trying to impress someone musically is always a fun way to learn more about them. I once dated a guy who swore by jazz and turned his nose up at Afrobeat. I introduced him to Sade’s “Your Love is King” layered over a Burna Boy remix. It worked. He texted me two weeks later saying, “Wow, I guess your taste isn’t bad after all.” (Spoiler: We didn’t last – but props to him for admitting it eventually!)

Pro-Tip: Whether you're falling in love with a new tune or a new person, always show something that’s authentically you. Relationships, like music, are all about harmonies, but someone worth keeping won’t ask you to change your melody.

My Over-the-Top Love for Books I’ll Frame But Never Finish

I hate to admit it, but books are another obsession of mine – particularly ones I swear I’ll finish but end up admiring like art. You know the type: beautifully designed covers, gripping synopses, but somehow they gather dust on the nightstand while I reread Half of a Yellow Sun for the umpteenth time.

Books have this magical kind of permanence, don’t they? They’re there on your shelf quietly whispering, “You’ll get to me one day.” Much like relationships, in fact, where the ones worthy of staying power don’t demand too much too fast. They wait. They absorb your attention when you have the time (and mental bandwidth) to give.

For me, keeping books out on display says something about the life I’m carving out. Even as I bounce between cities and responsibilities, they anchor me to my Nigerian roots, my education, and my love of stories that connect us across time and borders. Plus, they’ve made for excellent icebreakers when I’ve had friends or romantic interests come over. (“Oh, you’ve read Americanah too? Let’s talk about Ifemelu for hours!”)

Why Obsessions are Relationship Roadmaps

Obsessions like these – plants, music, books – aren’t just hobbies. They act as compasses, guiding the way I approach dating and relationships. When you’re passionate about something that lights you up, it creates magnetic energy that draws the right people (and sometimes the wrong ones!) into your orbit.

Curating a life full of obsessions doesn’t just shape you as an individual; it shapes the kind of connections you build. Love, after all, is a process of sharing and discovering pieces of yourself, quirks included.

If anything, opening up about what you’re low-key obsessed with can be your secret relationship vulnerability hack. It shows people who you are – unapologetically, with all the eccentricities that make you stand out.

How to Use Your Obsessions as Connection Fuel

  1. Wear Your Weird with Pride: First things first, own what makes you light up inside. Whether you hoard books you don’t read or burn playlists like it’s your full-time job, share that passion on dates or with friends. It’s often more memorable than generic small talk.

  2. Find Obsessions You Can Share: Look out for people who align with or appreciate your quirks. That doesn’t mean they need to love your plant nursery or burn Afro-pop playlists with the same intensity. Rather, they should understand it – and maybe even try to engage with it.

  3. Make Time for Individual Joy: This might seem counterintuitive, but the best relationships bloom when you’re fulfilled outside of them. Obsessions are solo-built but relationship-tested. Whether it’s nurturing your plants or blasting Burna Boy on solo car rides, keep space for the things that are purely yours.

Final Thoughts: An Ode to All Things Quirky

Here’s the thing: the quirks we carry aren’t burdens or distractions. They’re the tiny clues leading others towards understanding who we really are. Sharing your obsessions – and inviting someone into their little world, even for a moment – can be magic waiting to happen. So, tend to your “plants,” belt out those Afro-pop choruses in the shower, and let that half-finished book pile be all the charm it is.

Because when you embrace your quirks, you don’t just grow – you bloom.