From Humble Beginnings to Extraordinary Journeys in Love and Life

When I was younger, my grandmother in Abuja had a saying that always stuck with me: “Even the tallest iroko tree started as a seed in the dirt.” Back then, I thought she was just being poetic during one of her storytelling nights, but those words now resonate with every fiber of my being. Life—and love, for that matter—is a collection of ordinary beginnings that are shaped by patience, effort, and a little bit of risking embarrassment in the name of growth.

Between growing up in Nigeria, navigating adulthood in the bustling city of Lagos, and studying (shivering is the real word I should use) through cold London winters, I’ve learned that “extraordinary” doesn’t happen to you overnight. It’s often disguised in quiet, everyday moments: the first attempt at a new challenge, the stumble over grammatical landmines in a first date text, or the awkwardness of learning to say “I need more” in relationships—without sounding like a Nollywood villain. This is my tale of small beginnings, valuable lessons, and how it all comes together to bloom.

Starting From Your ‘Ordinary’

Let’s be honest. We all believe in the beginning that love or life should feel like a Burna Boy song—smooth, passionate, and filled with instant vibes. But let me set the record straight: most extraordinary journeys start utterly unglamorously. Picture me in my first week of university in Lagos, navigating those sweaty early days like a confused bridal party at a traditional Naija wedding. I wore mismatched shoes to a lecture once (how I managed this, God only knows), made friends with the wrong kinds of people at first, and I definitely developed an unhealthy crush on a lecturer whose only redeeming quality was his excessive use of metaphors.

The truth? Your “ordinary” beginnings are precious because they make you teachable. They force you to reflect. They strip away what’s not working—and what I mean here is, humility will have you reevaluating that silly checklist of perfection for every relationship. Oh, you know the one. I had all sorts of lofty ideas—he must always open doors like a Yoruba prince, hold debates about literature, and never, ever chew too loudly.

The point is, when you’re waiting for perfection, you delay the beauty of seeing life as it is: messy, unpredictable, and capable of growth.

Embrace the Discomfort of Your Journey

Let me let you in on a secret: stepping into discomfort is the key to flourishing. I first learned this while boarding a rickety cross-country bus to Cotonou during one of my NGO stints. It was clear to everyone (but apparently not me) that I didn’t tie my headscarf properly, and every auntie on the bus had something to say. “You this girl, you’re not ready for this life,” one of them laughed after adjusting it for me. I blushed under the weight of my own presumed sophistication that day, but the lesson stuck with me: life will push you outside your comfort zone because that’s where real growth happens.

Relationships are really no different. We often want to fast-track through awkward growing pains to get to the “good parts,” but here’s the rub—those “good parts” exist because of the process. An extraordinary relationship is built in the unremarkable moments: speaking up when something doesn’t feel right, biting your tongue during petty disagreements, or willingly listening to your partner recount an endless plot summary of their favorite Netflix show (when you’re really thinking of jollof rice waiting in the kitchen).

In practical terms, this means embracing vulnerability with open arms. Ask yourself: Where do you need to ease into discomfort? “Learning to argue about money without turning it into WWE SmackDown” might be your answer. For me, it was (and still is) unlearning the need to always be “right,” particularly after being shaped by an upbringing where debates at the dinner table were a sport.

Pay Attention to the Details That Matter

Ah, the details. They’re like those peppercorns my grandmother used to grind for pepper soup—easily overlooked, but undeniably essential to the flavor. What makes some people go from ordinary to extraordinary is the ability to focus on what truly counts while letting go of the fluff.

During my first London winter, I naively shelled out half my monthly stipend on cute boots that were absolutely not waterproof (rookie mistake—London does not play). My friend Lara, who’d been there longer, simply said, “Girl, prioritize warmth.” That principle applies just as much to relationships; it’s not about the flashiness of how picture-perfect things appear, but about how much warmth is present in the foundation.

Here’s what I’ve learned: everyone needs to determine their “peppercorns”—the non-negotiable qualities that truly sustain a connection versus the superficial window dressing.
For example:

  • Effort beats extravagance: Does this person—and do YOU—show care in little ways? Like remembering birthdays, offering encouragement during stressful weeks, or noticing when something’s wrong without being told.
  • Values speak louder than charm: Looks may capture attention, but alignment of values determines the quality of your long-term connection.
  • Consistency > drama: Someone who gives you peace over excitement? That’s the win. "Over-excitement" is for romcoms and those High School Musical flash mobs. Real life needs stability.

The Role of Laughter as a Relationship Superpower

If there’s one thing that has carried me through my ordinary beginnings, it’s developing a generous sense of humor about myself. Look, if you can’t laugh at those moments when you’ve mispronounced “mozzarella” on a dinner date, then what are you even doing? Humor makes all the awkward stumbles on the path to growth feel less daunting.

When I first started writing professionally, I often overthought trying to sound “serious”—let’s just say my drafts read more like an academic dissertation as opposed to the conversational blend I now cherish. It wasn’t until I let go and brought snippets of my humanity—my humor, quirks, and lived experiences—into my writing that it became authentic. The same goes for relationships.

Laughing through challenging experiences builds intimacy. Cracked those burnt pancakes? Laugh it off. Snort-laughed during a heartfelt compliment? Extra points. Find someone who will belly-laugh with you today (bonus if they can laugh at themselves too).

Transforming Ordinary into Extraordinary: Where It All Comes Together

Here’s the truth, my friend: extraordinary isn’t a faraway mountaintop. It’s hiding in the folds of the decisions and habits that seem too small to matter. It’s not about perfect beginnings or living flawless milestones. It’s about showing up—doing the work in a way that balances effort with grace.

So here’s my simple formula:
1. Be intentional, not perfect – Start from wherever you are, even if it feels laughably “ordinary.”
2. Lean into growth – Acknowledge there’s beauty in evolving, even if it feels unsteady at first.
3. Value substance over flair – Focus on what truly endures.

Remember grandma’s iroko tree? She had one in front of her house, and whenever the Harmattan dust blew through Abuja, it was our family’s shield—a quiet testimony to how deep roots formed over time create strength. The same is true for us. Every “ordinary” thing we do—showing up consistently, practicing kindness, laughing freely—plants a seed. And before you know it, you’ll look back and realize you’ve grown into something extraordinary.

And just like that, you’re living proof that the journey matters more than perfection. Now, go forth and water your own little garden of beginnings—you’ll be amazed at what blooms. 🌱