The other night, tucked under the wool blanket my grandmother made, I found myself lost in a timeworn ritual: Googling my own name. Not for reasons like vanity or paranoia—though I’ll admit, those might’ve played a supporting role—but because names fascinate me. What’s in a name, Shakespeare famously asked. Allow a guy from rural West Virginia to tell you: a lot.

The truth is, your name can be a prism. Each syllable can cast a spectrum of perceptions, assumptions, and even misunderstandings. And in this wacky, wonderful world of dating and relationships, names often serve as the opening line of your own life’s introduction. So what’s in a name? Let’s break it down and see if we can’t get to the bottom of this age-old question—just in time for your next meet-cute.

My Name Is… Wait, What Did You Say?

Let’s start with the basics: pronunciation. Growing up Harrington, I learned very fast that not all names are created equal. At least, not when you live in a holler where most last names roll off the tongue in fewer syllables than it takes to sneeze. Harrington felt like a fancy pair of boots you weren’t sure you could walk in responsibly. And boy, it made an impression.

When I introduced myself to folks in West Virginia, I'd often hear, “Dang, Harrington? That’s a mouthful. You related to those people who own the quarry?” Moving to Los Angeles was a different ballgame altogether. At a party, some guy sipping kombucha once said, “Wow, Harrington sounds regal. Were your ancestors British aristocrats?” (Spoiler: No. They mined coal and wrung meaning from workdays longer than I can fathom.)

Names can carry a weight of their own, and sometimes that weight is clunky, heavy, or just plain awkward. A fancy surname can sound pretentious in one zip code and impressive in another. That’s something to remember next time your new crush hesitates before saying yours. Cut them some slack—names have range, and navigating those quirks is its own eccentric kind of grace.

The Stereotype Game: It’s All in the Delivery

Names can be their own Rorschach test. Depending on who you meet, your name could inspire admiration, assumptions, or even laughter. Ever dated someone who hesitated when you introduced yourself, followed by an “Oh… you don’t look like a (insert name here)”? Yeah, I’ve been there. It’s like someone taking one look at your book cover and deciding they already know how it ends.

Names have the funny tendency to operate like shorthand personas. For instance:
- An Ashley might automatically conjure images of someone bubbly and cheerleader-ish, yet your Ashley just refinished her kitchen cabinets like a pro and only listens to podcasts about Scandinavian crime novels.
- Your date might come in expecting James (hi, that’s me) to be aloof and fancy, like a BBC presenter, only to discover I own three flannels, consistently smell of coffee, and still reflexively say “y’all.”

The point is, names don’t tell the whole story—they tell someone else’s version of it. Every time you say your name out loud, you have to own it. Deconstruct it. Back it up with who you are instead of what it might suggest. Whether you’ve got an ultra-common name like John or a unique one that makes baristas scratch their heads, the key is in your delivery. Say it with pride, my friends.

Nicknames: The Secret Language of Love (or Mild Annoyance)

Here’s a fun test: If you’ve been dating someone for several weeks and they’ve not tried giving you a nickname yet, tread carefully. Nicknames are where levity finds its way into even the most structured of relationships. But hey, not all nicknames are charming. When I lived in Los Angeles, I went out with someone who shortened my last name to “Harry.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that "Harry" sounded less like me and more like the guy fixing the garbage compactor in some sitcom. (No disrespect to sitcom Harries—they’re the backbone of that fictional universe.)

Nicknames, when used lovingly, can be little signposts that your personalities are starting to carve out a shared space. Maybe your Jamie becomes “Jim” to someone who enjoys a little playful irreverence, or your Laura blossoms into "Lulu" once they discover your hidden penchant for whimsical Etsy purchases. Sure, some nicknames might make you cringe, but often, they’re just someone’s way of making something uniquely yours.

Lessons in Name Swapping: No, I Don’t Look Like a Chad

One of the most surreal yet surprisingly common moments in dating is when someone straight-up calls you the wrong name. You know when it happens—the deer-in-headlights look, followed immediately by a flustered, “Oh my god, I don’t know why I said Greg! I know your name’s not Greg!” It’s awkward for you, embarrassing for them, and honestly one of life’s quickest tests of mutual grace.

The time this happened to me? It was a second date. My date called me Brian not once, not twice, but three times. At first, I questioned whether her phone autocorrected my name in her head. After the third slip, though, I began to wonder—was Brian an ex she hadn’t quite left behind? An unrequited crush? Either way, it gave me insight into her still-navigating-some-feelings state, and let's just say Date #3 didn’t happen.

Lesson learned: Wrong names are rarely an innocent accident. If it happens, use it as an opportunity to understand where they’re coming from—but also to affirm, kindly but firmly, that “Brian” ain’t your vibe.

Actionable Takeaways for Your Name (and Holding Onto It)

Navigating relationships when names come into play can get messy. Here are a few things to remember:
1. Your Name, Your Identity: Your name is part of your story. Never shrink it to fit into someone else’s perception. Whether you’re a Sarah, Sasha, or Saharanjali, stay true to how you say it and live it.
2. Say It Loud, Say It Proud: Own your name. If someone stumbles over it at first, correct them in a way that’s nonjudgmental but clear. This can be a great subtle exercise in setting boundaries early on.
3. Don’t Sweat the Nickname Stuff: If you hate the way someone shortens your name, let them know. Playfulness in relationships shouldn’t come at the cost of personal comfort.
4. Forgive the Quick Slip-Ups: If your date accidentally calls you Matt when you’re Mike, don’t immediately take to the hills. Mistakes happen; what matters is how they recover. That said, repeat offenders might subtly be telling you something deeper.
5. Your Name Is a Conversation Starter: Whether it’s common or rare, local or globally inspired, let your name spark dialogue. Share its backstory—what it means, where it comes from, or how it ties to your identity.

A Name Is the Start, Not the Finish

I’ve lived 35 years with the name James Harrington. That’s enough time for a handful of mix-ups, a sprinkle of mispronunciations, and one regrettable nickname that rhymes with “Hammington.” But it’s also given me years of being able to meaningfully introduce myself and watch people discover who I really am—beyond Appalachia, beyond assumptions, and beyond the letters printed on my driver’s license.

So, the next time someone asks your name? Put some feeling into it. It’s the first bridge someone has to walk across to get to know you. Make it worth the trip.