Why Relationships Are Like Fixing a Fence (and How to Keep Yours Standing Strong)

Love and Lumber: A Surprisingly Familiar Problem

A few summers back, I found myself ankle-deep in mud, staring at a sagging fence on my family’s ranch. The wooden posts, which had once been sturdy and straight, were leaning like they’d had one too many trips to the saloon. Weather had worn them down, the occasional wandering elk hadn’t helped, and time had done what time does best—softened even the strongest structure.

It struck me, somewhere between wrestling with tangled wire and muttering unrepeatable words, that this fence was no different than a relationship. Yep, you heard right. Fences and love affairs share more similarities than you’d think, and sometimes both can feel like an uphill battle. But here’s the good news: with attention, effort, and a little know-how, you can patch things up and build something that lasts. Let’s dig in.

Step One: Acknowledge the Wear and Tear

No fence—or relationship—stays perfect forever. Maybe you’re dealing with small cracks (like passive-aggressive texts about dishes left in the sink), or maybe a gale of life events knocked the whole thing sideways (hello, job relocations and surprise family drama). Either way, ignoring the damage doesn’t make it go away.

A good first step? Check in with yourself and your partner. Have an honest conversation about what’s working, what’s not, and what feels a little… wobbly. Just like assessing the posts and wires on that old fence, identifying the weak spots early can save you a bigger headache down the road.

Pro Tip: Make space for humor when you talk things out. It’s way easier to admit you’ve been “that guy” who leaves empty peanut butter jars in the pantry if you can laugh about it. Trust me on this one.

Step Two: Start With the Foundation

A fence is only as strong as its posts. And in relationships, those posts are built on trust, communication, and shared values. If one of those feels unstable, you’re going to struggle to keep everything upright.

Take time to ask yourselves: Are you still aligned on the big things? Whether it’s your long-term goals or how to spend a Saturday night (cuddling up to Netflix vs. hitting that overpriced sushi bar), make sure the foundation isn’t sinking. After all, you don’t want one person dreaming of a mountain cabin retreat while the other’s booking a one-way ticket to a beachfront bungalow.

If you find some cracks, don’t panic. Small changes—checking in with each other more often, really listening during conversations instead of multitasking—can make a world of difference.

Step Three: Tighten the Wires

Much like a fence needs taut wire to stand tall, relationships need boundaries and routines that bring stability. This doesn’t mean smothering each other with constant attention (nobody wants to feel like they’re being herded), but rather finding ways to stay connected while respecting space.

  • Set Aside Time for One Another: Whether it’s a 10-minute coffee chat in the mornings or a full-blown date night, consistency matters. My parents used to call it "walk-the-fence Fridays" when they’d saddle up and survey the land together, just to reconnect. You don’t need horses for this—grabbing a walk after dinner works just fine.

  • Say “No” Without the Guilt: Boundaries are key. If something’s not working for you, whether it’s constant texting or pressure to spend holidays with the in-laws, speak up. Remember, a good fence keeps the important stuff in and the unnecessary drama out.

  • Fight Fair: All couples argue, but keep the blows above the belt. No silent treatments, and no dragging up that thing from 2015 your partner thought you’d already forgiven. Think of it as tightening the wire—not cutting it entirely.

Step Four: Weatherproof With Gratitude

Life throws a lot at relationships. Just like wind and snow test a fence’s strength, unexpected challenges will test yours. While you can’t dodge every storm, you can add a layer of “weatherproofing” to your relationship: gratitude.

Now, I know the word “gratitude” gets tossed around like a self-help catchphrase, but hear me out. Small, sincere acts of appreciation go a long way in keeping things solid between you. Instead of focusing on the creaky boards (so what if they leave socks in random corners?), try noticing the times they bring you coffee or remember the obscure name of your favorite author. The shift in perspective can be shockingly effective.

Practical Idea: Once a week, take turns sharing one thing you’re thankful for about each other. It might feel a little silly at first, but it’s amazing how far this one tiny habit can go toward grounding your connection.

Step Five: Know When It’s Time to Call for Backup

Here’s the truth: Sometimes, you’ll run into issues bigger than any YouTube tutorial or DIY wisdom can fix. And that’s okay. Whether it’s a tricky knot in barbed wire (or a knot in strained communication), reaching out for support isn’t a failure—it’s smart.

Maybe this means couples counseling, leaning on friends who can offer perspective, or even giving each other some breathing room to grow individually. The point is, asking for help doesn’t make your fence—or your relationship—any less valid.

Relationships: Built to Last (If You’re Willing to Work)

Back on that summer day, drenched in sweat and covered in dirt, I finally managed to stand the fence upright again. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t need to be. It was strong enough to weather what would come next—and, honestly, that’s all we can ask for.

Relationships are much the same. They’re messy, rugged, and require more sweat equity than we sometimes anticipate. But they’re also wildly worth it. Whether you’re in the middle of a storm or just tuning up minor repairs, know this: effort goes a long way.

And if all else fails, grab a cup of cocoa, wrap yourself in a blanket, and turn on an old Western. Sometimes the best way to fix a heavy heart is by taking a break, reminding yourself why you started building that fence—or love—in the first place.