Let’s be real—relationships can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded—complex, frustrating, but also incredibly satisfying when you finally figure it out. And just like that cube, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to deepening connections with your partner. Whether you’re in the honeymoon phase where everything feels like an endless Beyoncé album, or several years in with arguments over who was supposed to unload the dishwasher, there’s always room to strengthen those emotional and mental ties.

And the best part? You don’t need a therapist's couch or the wisdom of an ancient oracle to get there (though if someone is offering free therapy, by all means, take it). Sometimes, all it takes is getting real, staying curious, and being a little creative.

1. Talk Like You’re Getting Paid By the Word

Hear me out. Communication isn’t just the worn-out advice your friends throw at you after every petty argument—it’s the bedrock of a solid relationship. But it’s not surface-level chatter we’re talking about here. I’m talking about intentional, “leave your ego at the door” kind of conversations.

Let’s say you’ve had a rough week. Your boss turned your to-do list into a CVS receipt, and you’re tempted to shut down emotionally. Instead, try this:

  • Be direct: Start with, “Hey, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed this week. Can we talk?” Boom. You’ve just signaled vulnerability without making your partner guess.
  • Ask deep questions: Skip the Netflix what-are-we-watching debate and dive into, “What have you been thinking about a lot lately?” or “What’s a memory of us that makes you smile?” These moments of curiosity build intimacy faster than any Rom-Com montage.
  • Listen to understand—really. Put down the phone or mute "Succession" for five minutes. The best kind of conversation is the one where you both leave feeling heard and understood.

When my parents, immigrants from Jamaica, spoke to each other, it was like a dance—sometimes loud, often punctuated with humor, always coming from a place of love. They didn’t need fancy words; they just showed up for one another, every time. And that’s the energy you want to bring.

2. Laugh Together—Even in the Weird Moments

You know that old saying, “Couples who laugh together, stay together?” It’s cliché, but also painfully true. Humor bonds people in remarkable ways—instant inside jokes, a momentary break from tension, and shared silliness that feels like a secret handshake.

Find ways to inject joy into your relationship:
- Turn mistakes into comedy: Burned the dinner? Laugh about how wine and cereal will have to suffice tonight.
- Make mundane moments fun: Whether it’s terrible dance moves while folding laundry or impersonating cheesy reality TV contestants mid-argument, those lighthearted moments are pure relationship gold.
- Revisit your roots: Pull up embarrassing baby photos or blast old-school jams to remind yourselves of who you were before life got so serious. For me, it would be Beenie Man on repeat and practicing dollar wine in the living room—full cringe, but worth it.

The key is letting yourself be a little ridiculous. Crack jokes, make funny faces, and don’t take everything so seriously. Life’s already hard enough—your relationship doesn’t have to be.

3. Show Love in Their Love Language, Not Yours

This one was a game-changer for me. Everyone interprets love differently—what feels like a grand romantic gesture to you might not even register on your partner’s radar. You can’t just whisper sweet nothings and assume it’ll carry you through the next five anniversaries. Your moves have to adapt, like the romantic equivalent of an iOS update.

Here’s the breakdown:
- Words of Affirmation? Genuinely compliment and encourage them. Praise can go beyond basic: “I love how you light up a room with your energy,” hits harder than “You’re smart.”
- Acts of Service? Surprise them by running that errand they hate or fixing that leaky bathroom faucet. Small actions lead to big payoffs here.
- Quality Time? Put your phone in another room. It’s not rocket science; uninterrupted time is sexy.
- Giving Gifts? It’s not about the size of the price tag—it’s about the thought behind it. Find that obscure spice they miss from their hometown or a playlist of songs you danced to in your early days.
- Physical Touch? A hand on the small of their back, snuggling during Sunday football—it all stacks up, trust me.

Relationships aren’t universal—we all have our customized operating systems. Learning their love language is like getting the cheat code.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to “Be Seen”

Let me get a little real here—vulnerability is scary. For a long time, I thought being emotionally “strong” meant locking feelings in a box and throwing away the key. But let me tell you something I learned the hard way: not showing the messy, complicated pieces of yourself isn’t strength. It’s avoidance.

True connection requires letting your guard down. Maybe for you that means sharing insecurities you’ve kept bottled up or admitting fears about the future. For me, it was opening up about my writing career struggles after years of working in high-pressure politics. Once I told my partner what I really wanted—to tell stories, not draft legislation—it shifted the dynamic. Sharing my doubts made our bond stronger because it wasn’t filtered.

Here’s your mantra: Being vulnerable doesn’t push people away; it pulls the right ones closer.

5. Celebrate the Wins, Big and Small

When was the last time you celebrated something, just because? Life isn’t always going to drop milestone moments on your doorstep, but that doesn’t mean you can’t create your own celebrations. Did one of you finally get through that stack of annoying paperwork? Celebrate. Managed to sort out an argument without yelling "I told you so"? Toast to that.

This practice—finding joy in your partner’s small wins and your shared triumphs—shifts your focus from moments of lack to ones of gratitude.

And let’s not forget the Caribbean influence here: in my family, everything was a reason to celebrate—birthdays, promotions, and even just surviving a tough week. I learned early that joy isn’t just an emotion, it’s a practice. Try bringing this energy into your relationship; you’ll be amazed what it does for your bond.

6. Don’t Skip Out On the Hard Stuff

This one’s a no-brainer but still worth a deep dive. Every relationship hits roadblocks, whether it’s clashing schedules, spending habits, or deciding if pineapple belongs on pizza (it does, by the way—fight me). The difference between relationships that thrive and those that fizzle is the willingness to address conflict head-on.

When the going gets tough, remember this: It’s never you vs. your partner. It’s both of you vs. the problem. Find ways to team up, not tear each other down. This might mean setting boundaries around sensitive topics or agreeing to compromise (even when your pride takes a hit).

Pro-tip: If an issue feels overwhelming, I like to sit down with a notebook—and I do mean old-school pen and paper—and write out what I’m feeling before bringing it up. Articulating things on paper gives me clarity and prevents escalating small disagreements into all-out battles.

The Takeaway: Grow, But Don’t Lose the Fun

Relationships thrive when curiosity, shared joy, and intentional effort are part of the day-to-day mix. It’s not about constantly achieving perfection or flipping through yet another self-help book—it’s about showing up, staying present, and finding ways to love deeper.

Because at the end of the day, love isn’t built on grand gestures or whispered promises alone. It’s built on the work—the kind that makes you laugh louder, feel safer, and hold on just a little tighter.

So, go forth and build that bond like it’s the next great Georgetown brick wall—strong, steady, and ready to weather time. You’ve got this.