Byline: How I Learned That Even the Smallest Bites Can Lead to the Sweetest Connections
Introduction: From Crumbs to Confidence
Growing up in a Cuban bakery wasn’t just about inhaling the sweet aroma of pastelitos and dodging stray clouds of flour (although, yes, that was 80% of my childhood). It was also an informal sociology lab where I learned everything about connection—from the way a stranger’s smile transforms when handed a cafecito to how you could tell love stories in a glance as couples argued over which guava pastry to share.
But here’s the thing: I wasn’t always the guy you see now—a writer dishing out advice, sipping cortaditos like I’ve got it all figured out. Once upon a time, I was just a chubby kid in Hialeah trying to translate his humble beginnings into something extraordinary. Spoiler alert: I didn’t nail it overnight. It took practice, patience, and a little bit of pastry-inspired wisdom.
Let me share how I transformed what felt ordinary into something extraordinary—and how you can, too, in building the relationships that matter.
1. Own the Bakery You Were Born Into—Metaphorically, Of Course
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my parents’ bakery-turned-community-center, it’s this: You can’t fake the recipe for connection. People know when you’re putting on airs (like when we tried offering “low-fat” pastelitos—big mistake). The secret to being extraordinary? Embrace who you are, even the messy, flour-covered parts.
Practically speaking, this means showing up as yourself in your relationships. You’re not here to impress with some polished, Instagram-filtered version of your life. Be like la abuela yelling from the kitchen without apology—it’s raw, it’s real, and yes, it’s unforgettable.
Ask yourself:
- What are your quirks that make you unforgettable? Maybe it’s your oddly specific obsession with old-school salsa. Or the way you hum when you’re nervous (mine sounds suspiciously like “Oye Cómo Va”). These little details aren't flaws—they're your essence.
- Where are you holding back out of fear of judgment? Whether in friendships, family talks, or dating scenes, try sharing one thing about yourself this week that you normally wouldn’t. You may realize people admire you more when you’re real.
Because trust me, no one ever came to our bakery for plain white bread when there was flaky, unapologetically guava-filled goodness waiting.
2. Be Willing to Start Small
When my parents first opened their bakery, they had one oven, two recipes, and zero idea if anyone would show up. (They called it faith; I called it dicey business strategy.) But those small beginnings eventually built a neighborhood institution, one empanada at a time.
The same logic applies to relationships. You don’t have to waltz into every connection with grand gestures or perfectly planned moments. Sometimes, it starts with the simplest thing—a “how was your day?” text, a shared laugh about a silly meme, or an inside joke born from an awkward moment.
Here’s what I’ve learned from building extraordinary connections:
- Attention is the magic ingredient: Ask the small questions that others overlook. Does she love ranch on everything? Does he get all riled up about Marvel vs. DC? These details seem insignificant, but they pave the way for depth.
- Celebrate the mundane: Watching someone parallel park might not sound sexy, but real connection is built in the unremarkable moments. If they can make grocery shopping fun, you might’ve hit the jackpot.
- Commit to consistency: My mom used to say, “People come back for the croquetas because they know what to expect.” Relationships thrive for the same reason—small, consistent gestures make all the difference.
3. Lead with Empathy (And Maybe a Side of Humor)
At the bakery, one of my favorite customers was a guy who worked graveyard shifts at a nearby factory. He used to shuffle in, half-asleep, with mismatched socks, hunched shoulders, and an order for “the strongest coffee you have.” My parents made it their mission to cheer him up, handing over cheeky notes written on the coffee cup: “Hey, at least your socks are clean.” Over time, he became a community staple—not for his order, but for his laugh.
What my family intuitively understood is this: Meeting someone where they are, without judgment, is one of the most powerful ways to connect.
When it comes to relationships:
- Lead with compassion. Everyone has had a mismatched-socks kind of day—show grace whether they’re stuck in traffic or oversharing about their dog’s vet appointment (hey, pets are family).
- A little humor can soften life’s tougher moments. Just don’t mistake this for dismissing someone’s feelings—being playful should feel like an inside joke in the making, not a punchline.
- Ask reflective questions. My dad often said, “You never just sell food; you sell kindness.” When you engage with people, ask what they need. Meaningful questions like “How can I help?” or even simply “What matters to you right now?” can turn everyday exchanges into moments of depth.
Empathy in relationships is like serving someone a pastelito fresh out of the oven—it warms them in ways they didn’t know they needed.
4. Don’t Forget the Pivot
My parents always joked that my restless energy in high school was wasted in the bakery because I had a habit of flipping the dough the “wrong” way. I turned it into a game, creating new shapes the bakery didn’t need, like star-shaped croquetas (spoiler: people loved them). That’s where I learned that sometimes, breaking the routine is exactly what turns ordinary into extraordinary.
In relationships, this means understanding when to pivot. Maybe you’ve been in a rut lately with a long-time partner. Maybe first dates all feel like interrogations (“What do you do for work?” yawn). Whatever the case, doing something unexpected can reignite or refresh the kind of connection you’re hoping to foster.
Some ways to pivot:
- Break out of the usual mold on date night. Try something absurd (axe-throwing?) or hilariously low-stakes (karaoke—you didn’t need dignity anyway).
- Commit to active listening. Pivot the spotlight to them and truly hear what they’re saying instead of mentally scrolling through what you’ll say next.
- Learn how to let go tactfully. Sometimes the bravest pivot is walking away from relationships, habits, or routines that no longer serve you.
To this day, those accidental star-shaped croquetas are still a hit at the bakery—and they serve as a reminder to always embrace the unexpected.
5. The Secret Sauce: Be “Extra,” But in the Right Ways
Let’s face it: In a bakery, “ordinary” croquetas are fine, but the ones with a triple-layer of cheese? That’s what people fight over. Similarly, the thing that makes us extraordinary in relationships isn’t that we look perfect or play it safe—it’s the ways we show up “extra” for one another.
Being “extra” doesn’t mean trying too hard. It means making small investments in the people you care about. For example:
- Going beyond: Texting a thoughtful “good luck” before their big day instead of waiting until after.
- Adding little surprises: Showing up with their favorite snack or slipping a note into their bag.
- Being present: Sometimes, the ultimate “extra” is actually putting your phone down.
Care, effort, and a sprinkle of whimsy? That’s the recipe.
Conclusion: Your Ordinary Is Someone Else’s Extraordinary
Looking back, I can’t help but smile at the irony: I spent my childhood wishing for a life beyond our modest bakery, only to realize years later that the lessons I learned there were worth more than any extravagant backdrop. Whether it’s the smell of pastry dough or the sound of a heartfelt laugh, what feels “ordinary” to us can be magical to someone else.
And so, when it comes to relationships—romantic or otherwise—don’t sweat the grand gestures. Instead, focus on the small, genuine ways you sprinkle connection into each moment. Because with a little patience, some extra cheese, and a dash of humor, even the humblest beginnings can rise into something extraordinary.
And remember: Just like a good piece of Cuban bread, the best things in life are shared.
