She wore a Jackie O. scarf and neon-pink Crocs. That’s the first thing I noticed about the woman who would—unbeknownst to me—deliver one of the greatest lessons of my dating life. I was sitting at a café in Little Havana, headphones in, staring at my cafecito and pretending not to listen to the older Cuban men passionately debating baseball at the next table. Typical Sunday. I was fresh off a breakup, stewing in that particularly Miami brand of melancholy: humid, dramatic, and heavily caffeinated.

Then, she sat down across from me, uninvited but utterly unapologetic, as if we’d planned the meeting. “Mi amor,” she said, waving a hand faintly adorned with chipped coral nail polish, “you look like you need to hear this.”

The Café Oracle

At first, I thought she was coming to sell me something or maybe offer unsolicited life advice in true tía fashion. I leaned back in my chair, unsure where this was going but too intrigued to move. “What’s your story?” she asked, folding her hands like a palm reader ready to drop life-altering predictions.

I don’t know what came over me, maybe the aftermath of a heartbreak mixed with her oddly magnetic vibe, but I told her. I told her about my latest failed relationship and the breakup that felt like it came with a scarlet letter. I confessed that dating felt like an endless cycle of trying to impress strangers who would ultimately swipe past whatever spark I thought we had. I was tired. And honestly, I didn’t think much of myself in that moment.

She nodded slowly, as if she’d been through it enough herself. “A ver, mi niña,” she finally said, leaning closer and lowering her voice almost conspiratorially, “Love isn’t about being enough for someone else. Love is about deciding who’s worth your enough.”

This wasn’t some poetic Hallmark line meant to soothe me. It wasn’t even the Cuban translation of “you’re too good for him.” It felt like both a dare and an invitation to reframe how I saw myself in relationships—and suddenly, everything made sense.

Lessons from a Stranger in Pink Crocs

After scarf-and-Crocs oracle dropped her wisdom, she lingered just long enough to finish a slice of flan before giving me a wink and walking off into the Miami sunset. I never saw her again. But her words stayed with me like the aftertaste of a really good café con leche—warm, sweet, and surprisingly profound.

Here’s what I’ve unpacked since then:

1. Stop Performing, Start Being

Ever notice how dating often feels like a reality TV competition? Cue the dramatic music as you battle a lineup of “contestants” for someone’s love and attention. Will they hand you the metaphorical rose/pair of keys/Netflix password? It’s exhausting living in constant audition mode.

What the aisle-wandering oracle reminded me is that love doesn’t come from bending into different shapes to fit someone else’s expectations. It comes from stepping fully into who you already are. Like Cuban coffee, you don’t need to dilute yourself to be palatable. Be unapologetically strong, rich, and maybe even a little too much for some people. Those who don’t get it aren’t your people—and that’s liberating.

2. Recognize What You’re Bringing to the Table

Let’s get real: heartbreak can make you feel like clearance-rack goods. We start fixating on every perceived flaw, picking apart our quirks, and convincing ourselves that we’re somehow unworthy. But here’s the truth—it’s the self-doubt talking, not your reality.

Take stock of your emotional and intellectual glitter. Are you kind, funny, the sort of person who sends “just because” memes at 3 p.m.? Do you make an unbelievable arroz con pollo or have an encyclopedic knowledge of 2000s rom-coms? Whatever makes you you is priceless, and someone out there is looking exactly for that ingredient.

Crocs Lady didn’t explicitly say this, but I imagine her head nod was a form of saying, “Don’t give boyfriend energy to someone who doesn’t even meet you as an equal.”

3. Say No to the Wrong Yeses

Sometimes we’re so eager to “make it work” that we mistake persistence for compatibility. Remember the pink Croc philosophy: love is about deciding who’s worth your enough. That means recognizing when you’re investing your time into someone who treats your energy like a free buffet—sampling it but never committing to the steak dinner they promised.

It’s not easy, but cutting ties with the wrong “almosts” is an act of self-preservation. It’s saying, “I deserve reciprocity, not breadcrumbs.” And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be ghosted by a mismatched date now than miss out on the possibility of something real later.

4. Make Space for The Unexpected

Here’s the ironic thing about my encounter with the Café Oracle: it happened because I gave myself permission to sit alone, sip my coffee, and wallow a little that day. I could have rushed out, avoided the situation, or dismissed her outright. But staying put opened me up to a lesson I didn’t realize I needed.

The same is true for dating. Sometimes you’ll meet someone while oversharing at the plant nursery, wandering into a salsa club, or even splitting Wi-Fi at a Starbucks. The key isn’t to hunt for “The One” but to stay curious enough to let life surprise you, Crocs and all.

What Crocs Taught Me About Confidence

It’s been a while since that café encounter. I don’t know where my neon-wearing, scarf-waving stranger is these days, but I do take her lesson with me into the way I date, love, and live. Her message wasn’t revolutionary, but it felt like someone shook the cafecito grounds at the bottom of my cup and said, “There’s still richness here—don’t waste it.”

So the next time you find yourself feeling less-than, waiting for someone to validate you, or questioning your worth in this wild, chaotic thing we call modern dating, ask yourself: would Scarf-and-Crocs Oracle settle for being “almost enough”? Would she waste her energy on a wrong fit? Would she dim her light for anyone who couldn’t see it?

The answer, in her words, is simple: “Mi amor, claro que no.”