What’s in a Name?

My high school Spanish teacher used to butcher my name like it was her personal experiment in phonetic creativity. “Mar-coos Cha-mbairz,” she’d call out, stretching each vowel like taffy. The class would snicker quietly, but I just smiled and waved. I’d learned early on that correcting people only got you so far before it turned into a Sisyphean battle of mispronunciation and missed opportunities. My name, Marcus Pierre Chambers, was a constant reminder of my Jamaican roots, the "Pierre" tucked delicately in homage to my grandmother’s Haitian lineage. It exuded history, culture, and pride—but that didn’t stop the world from occasionally mangling it like an off-brand patty at a suburban mall food court.

You might be thinking, “What does this have to do with relationships?” Everything. Our names are often the first impression we leave behind before we even open our mouths. They’re our calling cards, the shorthand for our identity. And just like mispronunciations, relationships—both budding and long-term—are full of little misunderstandings, odd pronunciations of who we are, and moments where we feel, “You don’t quite get me, do you?” The question is: How do we handle it?

The Awkward Introduction

We’ve all been there. A first date with all the promise in the world. They’ve got the dimples of a young Idris Elba or the charm of an Issa Rae character. But then it happens. They get your name wrong, right out the gate. “Nice to meet you, Mark!” You smile stiffly, do a quick mental calculus, and decide whether to interrupt this budding spark with, “Actually, it’s Marcus.”

For years, I let it slide. “Mark” was close enough, wasn’t it? But after a while, it started to feel like letting my real self slip further into the background. That one time a date called me ‘Michael’ the whole night? Reader, I should’ve run after the appetizers.

Takeaway Tip: If someone stumbles on your name (or any other basic part of who you are), don’t be afraid to gently correct them. It sets a tone early on that your identity matters, and it’s worth their effort to get it right. And hey, if they’re weird about it? That’s their red flag, not yours.

Names Carry Weight (Don’t Let It Crush You)

For a long time, I resented my middle name. “Pierre” felt too fussy, too French, too…not D.C. Schoolyard bullies don’t miss opportunities like that; believe me. Kids, like those drunk uncles at weddings, are skilled in the art of turning the simplest things into the cruelest nicknames. But as I got older and embraced my family’s patchwork mosaic of Kingston-via-Port-au-Prince-and-Beyond, I realized that my name wasn’t just some random arrangement of vowels. It was a keepsake, a blueprint.

In relationships, our own insecurities can often work against us. That one strange laugh you’re self-conscious about? They might find it charming. The fact that your family always insists you attend church on Sunday mornings while blasting gospel even if you were out until 4 a.m. the night before? That could become their favorite (and slightly bewildering) anecdote about you. Authenticity has a way of making your quirks magnetic to the right people.

Takeaway Tip: Own your origins, your quirks, and your story. They’re the heart of what makes you you. In love, the right person won’t just tolerate all those little things—they’ll celebrate them.

Knowing When to Laugh It Off

Of course, not every misstep is a profound assault on your identity. Some are just plain funny. Once on a coffee date, a woman confidently told me, “You must be a Capricorn. You’re so assertive!” Y’all, I’m a Pisces. The only thing assertive about me is the way I lean aggressively into overthinking every decision. She might’ve been mixing me up with her last date, or maybe she was just trying to fill the silence. Either way, I laughed and rolled with it. Not every misunderstanding is a dealbreaker; some are just good icebreakers. (Though, to cut that story short, we weren’t destined for cosmic compatibility.)

In relationships, humor is your best armor. Laugh at the awkward moments where words tumble out wrong or silences stretch too long. Share those stories later. Because while my name has been twisted every which way—from “Marquis” at a Boston Starbucks to “Martinez” by an overeager telemarketer—none of those experiences stopped me from connecting with people who mattered.

Takeaway Tip: Laughter doesn’t undo miscommunication, but it sure makes it go down smoother. Don’t sweat the small stuff—it might just turn into the reason they laugh a little harder the more they get to know you.

Speak Their Name with Intention

Back when I worked on Capitol Hill, I learned the importance of correctly pronouncing foreign dignitaries’ and lawmakers’ names. Mispronouncing a name didn’t just signal a lack of respect; it suggested you hadn’t done your homework. But beyond politics, there’s a different kind of power in saying someone’s name—or at least trying your best.

Whether it’s in the workplace or on a second date, people remember how you made them feel. Say their name. Say it often. Don’t abbreviate without their permission. (My fellow Caribbean Americans know the pain of aunties who insist on calling us “Junior” or “Little [Dad’s Name]” forever.) If you aren’t sure you’ve got it, ask—whether it’s Małgorzata or Muhammad, you’ll make a better impression putting in the extra effort. Trust me, it matters.

Takeaway Tip: Want to deepen a connection, romantic or otherwise? Start with their name. Learn it. Use it. It’s the smallest but most important acknowledgment of who they are.

Love Is…Getting It Wrong Sometimes

Would you believe me if I said I forgot an ex’s birthday once? To make matters worse, I was too prideful to admit it when it slipped my mind. It took hours of high-wire improvisation to salvage my reputation (and let’s be real, a fancy dinner and some flowers). We laughed about it years later, but it reminded me: No relationship is perfect. Not every misunderstanding or mispronunciation means the end of the world. What matters is your willingness to correct the course and keep building.

Relationships aren’t built on perfection or flawless first impressions—they thrive in the space where people can fumble and still find their way back to each other. And sometimes, that starts with something as simple as learning each other’s names and all the history, nuance, and pride behind them.

Takeaway Tip: Love, like life, isn’t about being perfect—it’s about getting back up and trying again each time you stumble. Missteps are inevitable. How you come back from them defines your connection.

The Final Word (For Now)

To know someone’s name is—at least in part—to know them. It’s the cornerstone of identity, the word we hear most often across a lifetime. Learning to love someone means loving their name in all its weird, tangled pronunciation challenges and cultural roots. And if you’re lucky, someone will come along who isn’t just willing to say your name correctly, but who also takes the time to understand everything that comes with it.

So, correct them when they get it wrong. Laugh when it’s funny. And don’t be afraid to ask for clarity when you need it. Love, much like an auntie at a wedding trying to remember distant relatives’ kids, sometimes gets it wrong before it gets it right. And that’s okay—as long as the effort is there.