What’s in a Name? More Than You Think

Standing on the beach one overcast morning in La Jolla, watching sandpipers weave intricate paths along the shoreline, I realized something. Names—much like those wispy sand trails—mark where we’ve been and hint at where we’re going. They’re more than a label shouted as your Starbucks drink gets lukewarm; they’re a breadcrumb trail of your identity.

Take mine: Julianne. It’s not uncommon, but it’s not exactly carved into the "Most Popular Baby Names of 1980-Something" plaque either. Growing up, my friends called me Jules—a breezy nickname that conjures thoughts of knitted splash-proof blankets and surfboards propped against my family’s old van. But Julianne? Julianne felt like the name someone used if they wanted to discuss the nitrogen cycle or dissect Rachel Carson essays. Which, honestly, checks out.

Our names tell stories—some we’ve written ourselves, and others handed to us like carry-ons at birth. Yet, so few of us stop to really unpack them beyond practicing a signature. So, let’s crack this open: What’s in a name, and can embracing it change the way we carry ourselves, the way we build new relationships, or even the way we show up in love? Spoiler: Yes.

Your Name Is a Map

Ever fumbled your way through a date only to realize you remember more about their dog’s Instagram (@barktothefuture, iconic) than why they were named Kyle? That’s because we forget that names carry layers—origins, legacies, and stories waiting to be told.

Let’s spill some tea on science here. Studies show that names impact first impressions. A 2020 report in Frontiers in Psychology found that people link names with certain attributes—like charm, intelligence, or, tragically, "Greg energy" (apologies to Gregs everywhere). But beyond the snap judgements, names are also deeply tied to identity. Knowing the story behind why someone’s parents christened them Cecilia or Jamal—or why they chose their own name—can unravel a whole new layer of connection. Especially on a date when conversations can veer dangerously close to Costco membership talk.

For me, Julianne was my mom’s idea—a soft nod to my grandmother, Julia, who baked strudel so airy it practically floated. When you spend weekends exploring tide pools as a kid, you don’t think much about names. But now? I love using that anecdote as a way into deeper conversations because it’s – dare I say – a pretty rad icebreaker. "Julianne...like Julia, my grandma who perfected desserts. Your turn: Why your name?"

Names are a map of who we are, but they’re also a compass. Use that map to explore someone’s identity while letting yours shine, too.

Own Your Vibe Like a Late-2000s Pop Star

There’s something magnetic about someone who carries their name like it was personally gift-wrapped by Beyoncé herself. We’ve all met those people. Sophias who roll their name off their tongue like a melody, or Daves that make a "simple" name spark with personality. They’ve embraced their name as part of their brand.

Some of you might be nodding, thinking, “Sure, that’s easy for people whose names fit them.” But sometimes, you don’t find your name—it finds YOU, post-glow-up. Case in point: I spent years feeling that Julianne was too many syllables. Too formal. Too "she probably wears blazers to Whole Foods" when in reality, my preferred look involved sea salt-sprayed hair and drawstring shorts. But as I got older, that Jul–i–anne rolled off with a sturdier weight—a name I grew into, much like I did with accidentally oversharing my childhood crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas. It’s who I am, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

If embracing your name feels awkward now, try this:

  • Say it out loud. No, I don’t mean whisper it in the mirror like a Disney villain. Just get used to confidently saying your name in a way that fits you. Are you playful? Warm? Coy? ⁣Let your tone match your vibe.
  • Nicknames are fine, but leave room for reinvention. If your friends have dubbed you “K-Money” (first of all, amazing), that’s cool. But leave room to try on other versions of your name during fresh connections. Maybe “Kate” feels more grounded when you’re diving into deeper conversations.
  • Lean into its quirks. If your name gets mispronounced or misspelled, own it. I can’t tell you how many times Julianne has become Julie, Julia, or “wait, is it French?” It’s a great excuse to add humor and a pinch of your personality.

The Dating Power Move: Its Roots

On one of my best first dates, I found myself laughing over a guy whose name, let’s say Nate, wasn’t short for Nathan or Nathaniel but Stanislas (plot twist!). He leaned into the confusion, cracking jokes about his Polish grandparents and how he'd learned five different ways to explain it in L.A. coffee shops.

Turns out, a slightly complicated name origin story can be strangely… alluring? It’s vulnerability without neon signs—it’s storytelling woven into the mundane moments of hearing someone say “Sorry, how do you spell that?” If you’ve got a story behind your name’s origin, pull it out. Share it—with humor, with honesty, with pride.

Here’s why that’s key for dating: It builds intimacy. Dates where conversations go beyond the surface—delving into personal history or small yet defining details—help foster a sense of familiarity. And honestly? Intimacy beats "What are you watching on Netflix?" seven days a week.

Then Comes the Hard Part: Names and Unfamiliar Connections

Here’s where it can get complicated: names also matter in situations when you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. Maybe you marry into a family that insists on shortening yours, or a dating partner fumbles to pronounce it right and lands somewhere unintentionally awkward. For those of us who’ve spent hours sandwiched between in-laws insisting Ju-Ju is an acceptable nickname (bless), this can be tricky.

You get to decide how much flexibility you’ll extend—and at what point someone attempting to rename you slides into disrespect. Remember, your name is part of your identity. Being asked to change it, shrink it, or bend it into someone else’s expectations should never feel compulsory. Speak up! Protect what makes you, you.

The Encouraging Takeaway

Your name is more than a table reservation placeholder—it’s an anchor, a calling card, a tiny slice of who you are. Asked to explain—or better yet, to own it—your name becomes a doorway into connections that actually matter.

So, say it like you mean it. Tell it with a smile, joke about its quirks, and share its history like you would a secret tide pool you’ve only ever shown one other person. Because ultimately, it’s not just what you’re called. It’s how you carry it that makes people remember your story—and maybe, want to hear it told again.