Lights, Camera, Callbacks: If My Life Were a Movie

Let’s be honest—we’ve all imagined our lives as a movie at some point. Maybe it was during a particularly cinematic breakup in the rain (yes, cue Adele), or while walking home from an epic night out, earbuds in, pretending the soundtrack was written just for you. Life has this messy, unpredictable way of sometimes feeling like it belongs on the big screen. And if Hollywood ever comes knocking to turn the saga of Harper Sinclair into a feature film, don’t worry—I’ve already done the casting for us. You’re welcome.

The Leading Lady: Florence Pugh With a Texas Accent

It’s tempting to cast myself as a Natalie Portman type—effortlessly cool, sleek, and mysterious. But let’s be real: I’m more of a Florence Pugh. She’s relatable, a little scrappy, and has the range to pull off both the heartfelt and the hilarious. Plus, anyone who saw her scarf down that mac and cheese in Little Women knows she’d nail my chaotic-but-genuine relationship with food. Add in a subtle Texas drawl, and she’s set to tackle all the quirks of being me: the talks-too-fast storytelling, awkward jokes in high-pressure situations, and random mini-rants about gender double standards sparked by something as innocuous as a gum commercial.

I can already imagine her sitting at my family’s dinner table with rolled-up sleeves, ready for a spirited debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it does) or if Taylor Swift and Gloria Steinem would make the best crime-fighting duo of all time (they would).

Love Interests: The Many Faces of Someone Who Texts Back

Romantic story arcs in movies are notoriously tricky to replicate in real life. They make you believe every love is meant to be soul-stirring, star-crossed, and accompanied by an orchestral swell. My actual dating history reads more like a season of Parks and Recreation—equal parts awkward tension, endearing optimism, and the occasional cringeworthy plot twist.

I’d probably cast Dev Patel to play my most memorable ex. He’s charming, unassuming, and has that low-key, bookish vibe that makes you believe he might still have your dog-eared copy of The Shock Doctrine on his nightstand. Our breakup scene would involve a long walk by Austin’s Lady Bird Lake followed by a deep conversation about commitment—not the flashy, screaming-on-a-subway-platform kind of breakup, but the quiet, bittersweet kind that leaves you rooting for both parties to thrive.

And for the fictional future partner? Let’s go rogue and cast Stephanie Hsu (Everything Everywhere All At Once). Not only is she refreshingly unique, but I feel like she could keep up with—and maybe even outpace—my energy. Plus, queer romance narratives deserve more blockbuster representation, and who wouldn’t want to co-star in that?

Supporting Cast: The Austin Ensemble

No movie about my life could exist without a phenomenal supporting cast, starting with my parents. Their real-life relationship is a case study in what happens when a civil rights lawyer falls for an experiential learning enthusiast: lots of respect, good intentions, and never-ending debates about why “treating others with kindness” should just be common sense. For this duo, I’d cast Denzel Washington and Tracee Ellis Ross. I mean, can’t you just picture them sitting on the porch, nursing iced coffees, and lovingly teasing Florence Pugh-as-me about the kind of guy or girl I bring home?

Let’s not forget my best friend, Aisha. She’s the kind of ride-or-die who hugs you hard when you’re crying over an underwhelming Tinder date but also sends you detailed calendar invites for your Saturday morning restorative yoga session. Aisha must be played by Issa Rae—it’s non-negotiable. No one else could do justice to her one-liners, her unshakable wisdom, or her refusal to let me wear frumpy cardigans to post-work events.

As for my coworkers at the nonprofit? I could see Mark Ruffalo and Aubrey Plaza tagging along as my unlikely combo of wise mentors and chaotic work BFFs. They’d both spend their on-screen time dragging me back down to earth when I get a little too spirited in the brainstorming meetings (read: when I start planning an arts festival three times our actual budget).

The Setting: Austin, Shot Like a Love Letter

They say the setting of a movie is a character in itself, and if that’s true, then Austin is my wise-cracking-but-loveable sidekick. Picture glowing neon signs from dive bars, food trucks dishing out brisket tacos under fairy lights, and crowds dancing under the stars to a live band whose name you’ll immediately forget but whose vibe will live with you forever.

There’d definitely be a montage scene at Barton Springs Pool, complete with slow-motion cannonballs into the cold water, paddleboard fails, and some questionable tattoos glimpsed poolside. And obviously, a cameo appearance by Texas’ unofficial cultural landmark: the “Hi, How Are You?” mural.

Oh, and let’s not forget the traffic-filled drive down I-35 for a bit of comedic tension because if we’re being realistic, even movie characters have to navigate Austin gridlock.

Plot Twists: The Art of Loving Messy

Now, no movie about my life would capture its essence without diving into the messy, wonderfully imperfect ways love and relationships have played out. There’d be a montage of bad dates where I mistakenly used the phrase “toxic masculinity” in front of fragile egos, an impulsive road trip to Marfa where silence spoke louder than words, and that one time I told someone I loved them using the metaphor of queso. (Don’t ask.)

But there’d also be moments where the mess turned into magic: building an Ikea bookshelf together and actually laughing the whole time, Thursday night dinners with someone who remembered the stories I’d told and asked for sequels, and dancing in the kitchen to the album For Emma, Forever Ago. Love, in my movie, wouldn’t need perfect plot points. It would shine in all its chaos and contradictions.

Final Takeaway: Direct Your Own Script

Okay, so maybe no one’s shopping my life story to Sundance (yet), but if there’s one thing imagining it as a movie has taught me, it’s that you get to tell your own story. You choose the characters you cast, the energy you bring to each scene, and even the soundtrack. Maybe you’re not always in control of the plot twists, but you get to decide how you respond to them.

Life is unpredictable, awkward, and beautiful all at once. So, whether you’re in the fade-out from a dramatic breakup or somewhere in the middle of figuring out who gets to steal your heart next, remember this: you’re the leading star of your own epic. And trust me, you’re absolutely crushing it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go draft salacious rumors about which A-lister Florence Pugh pretended to eat brisket for during filming.