Finding My North Star: What Guides My Heart, Writing, and Everything in Between

1. Santa Barbara Roots: Where it All Began

Growing up in Santa Barbara was like living inside a postcard. Picture it: golden sunsets over the Pacific, rolling hills dotted with vineyards, and an ocean breeze that carried both adventure and a little pinch of salt. It was here I learned that beauty—whether in nature or relationships—thrives with care and attention. My parents, often hosting fundraisers for local arts organizations, modeled this in their own way. They didn’t just open their wallets; they opened their hearts, creating spaces where people felt seen and valued.

Now, what does this coastal upbringing have to do with love, dating, and relationships? Everything, actually. Santa Barbara taught me that connection thrives where there’s respect, where you’re willing to give as much as you receive. It also taught me the universal truth that the best things in life—whether it’s the perfect sunset or a lasting partnership—take work. And maybe a splash of good Pinot Noir.

2. Why Relationships Are Like Ecosystems

Before I fell in love with writing, I fell in love with nature. My degree in Environmental Studies convinced me that everything worth protecting—be it coral reefs or personal boundaries—is rooted in balance. A lot of what I learned studying ecosystems mirrors what I now write about relationships. For instance:

  • Biodiversity is key. Just like a rainforest thrives on variety, relationships flourish when we bring our whole diverse, quirky selves to the table. Finding someone who complements your weirdness? That’s a rare orchid.
  • Neglect has consequences. You can’t expect a garden to bloom if you never water it—and the same goes for trust, communication, and date nights.
  • Harmony requires effort. Nobody wakes up and accidentally creates sustainable intimacy. You’ve got to actively show up, just like compost rejuvenates the soil (less romantic, but hey, science is sexy too).

This eco lens also taught me that every individual has their own needs, their own unique place in the greater “relationship system.” Understand those dynamics, and you’re halfway to building something that lasts. Ignore them? Well, we’ve all seen what invasive species can do.

3. Love + Flannel: The Joan Didion Effect

I moved to Palo Alto after childhood, eager to expand my horizons at Stanford, but with that West Coast ethos stitched into my soul—like my favorite flannel shirt. There, Joan Didion became my spiritual mentor. She taught me that paying attention to the world, tiny detail by tiny detail, is an act of love in itself.

Didion captured the fleeting nature of California light; I try to capture the fleeting nature of connection. When you’re on a first date, notice how they hold their coffee cup or whether they laugh all the way up to their eyes. Words may capture the “what,” but those details capture the “why.” And like Didion, I refuse to apologize for being imperfect. Let’s face it—no one feels completely cool texting “totally down for tacos.” But that tiny vulnerability in owning who we are? That’s where love starts.

4. Letting Go: The Santa Monica Lesson

Fast-forward to my life now in Santa Monica—a place where creating, surfing, and soul-searching collide. One major lesson I’ve learned here is the importance of letting go. In relationships, holding too tightly to expectations or past hurt is as useful as trying to surf with cement blocks tied to your ankles.

Take one of my own heartbreaks as an example. I once dated someone who ticked ALL the boxes: smart, adventurous, kind enough to rescue bees from pool water. But one box that went unticked? Mutual growth. We were like two mismatched puzzle pieces, and no amount of twisting could make us fit. Letting go felt like falling off a wave—you hit the water hard, disoriented and gasping. But what surfers know and heartbreak survivors eventually learn? The ocean always hands you another wave.

From that breakup, I realized: love isn’t about “finding” the perfect match. It’s about co-creating something greater. And when you learn to paddle back out after a wipeout, the universe tends to reward your resilience.

5. Core Beliefs: What I Stand For

At my core, I believe in three things when it comes to love, writing, or wiping sand off your feet after a date on the beach:

  1. Authenticity Reigns Supreme. Forget who you think you should be in a relationship—be real, even during the messy and awkward parts. Swallowing your quirks or dimming your light will only lead to a burnout act. Someone, out there, will find your secret love for obscure 70s surf rock endlessly endearing.

  2. Listen Twice, React Once. Whether it’s in a disagreement or date-night planning, truly hearing another person gives you the tools to meet them where they are. Surface-level conversations might sustain casual flings, but connection blooms in the deep soil of understanding.

  3. Find Beauty in the Small Stuff. A touch on the hand that says, I’m here. A shared sunset walk where words can wait until tomorrow. Someone asking how your cat’s doing even though they’re allergic. These micro-moments pack the real romance. Go ahead, let the grandeur (and Instagram-worthy fireworks) sit out a round or two.

6. Humor Is the Best Bio

Lastly, my guiding principle may very well be humor—or at least embracing the absurdity of it all. During a recent hike-turned-date, my shoe literally dissolved in the heat of Southern California’s summer. One full Converse sole—gone, stranded on the trail like a deflated tire. My date chimed, “Guess you’re the real barefoot explorer.” It wasn’t love, but it was a lesson: when life gives you ridiculous lemons, sometimes the best thing you can do is laugh your way home.

Whether it’s spilling salsa on your shirt after downing too many tacos or confessing you’ve always wanted to write moody poetry about eucalyptus trees, relationships are better when you bring every bit of your imperfect self to the table.

7. Closing Thought (or The Big Takeaway)

What I stand for is this: love and connection are as much about self-discovery as they are about someone else. They’re messy, like tangled fishing nets, but they’re worth untangling. Whether you’re surfing the early waves of flirting or navigating the deeper waters of commitment, approach it like the ocean—with openness, humility, and maybe a great pair of metaphorical flippers.

At the end of the day, you don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to show up. And if you can do that with humor, insight, and a heart that’s a work-in-progress? Well, you’ll be creating your own ecosystem of connection in no time.