The Joy of Being Curious

It Started With a Question

When was the last time your curiosity led you somewhere unexpected? I’m not talking about Googling why avocados are technically berries (though, side note: they totally are). I mean the kind of curiosity that tugs at you and whispers, "What if?" Maybe it’s asking someone a question you weren’t sure you had the right to ask, or even wondering where an unplanned detour might take you.

For me, curiosity has always been less of a gentle whisper and more of an insistent nudge—which, as you might imagine, hasn’t always gone smoothly. Take, for example, the time I tried to hike an unfamiliar trail near Moab simply because the name sounded interesting (“Fisher Towers” had a cinematic ring to it). I got lost, ran out of snacks, and wound up wandering back to my car as the sun began to set, my only solace being the coyotes howling in the distance. (Pro tip: “adventurous spirit” doesn’t fill an empty stomach.) Still, even with the missteps, these little leaps of curiosity often lead to something worth the chaos.

That’s the thing about curiosity: while it doesn’t always steer you completely clear of regret, it often reveals something unexpected and worthwhile—if you’re open to where it takes you.

The Time Curiosity Saved Me from Talking About the Weather

Let’s rewind to a few years ago. I was at a dinner party, seated across from someone I barely knew. You’ve been there: that awkward purgatory of small talk, where discussing the weather or your mutual distaste for cilantro seems inevitable. My curiosity kicked in as I watched them fold and refold their napkin (a quirk I hoped meant something significantly more interesting than nervousness).

I decided to swerve: “If you could eat just one meal every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

Admittedly, it’s not the kind of question that’ll win you a Pulitzer, but wow, did it open a door. They lit up—and five minutes later, we were in a full-fledged debate over whether breakfast really deserves its top-tier spot on the meal hierarchy (spoiler: it does). By the end of the night, we’d bypassed the banality of weather chat and landed somewhere real. All because of one offbeat question.

The takeaway here? Tiny moments of curiosity in conversation can lead to surprisingly deep connections. It’s like the conversational equivalent of finding a crumpled $20 bill in your coat pocket—you weren’t expecting it, but there it is, making your day better.

Curiosity: The Dating Catalyst You Didn’t Know You Needed

When it comes to dating, curiosity doesn’t always get the credit it deserves. Sure, attraction and shared interests are great, but genuine curiosity? That’s where the real magic happens. Asking someone the questions that reach beyond their “fun fact” or favorite movie can take a spark of connection and turn it into something brighter.

For example: skip “So, what do you do?” and go with “What’s something you’ve learned recently that surprised you?” or “What would 10-year-old you think of who you are today?” These questions are unexpected—in the best way. They challenge people to reflect and share something meaningful, which creates a more authentic connection.

Curiosity also requires risk. Sometimes you ask, and the response doesn’t go anywhere—or worse, the person clams up like you just asked them to reveal their Social Security number. But isn’t that the whole game of building relationships? Risking a bit of awkwardness to find a deeper mutual understanding?

The Double-Edged Sword of Curiosity in Relationships

Of course, curiosity doesn’t stop being useful once you’re in a relationship. In fact, it’s probably even more important to keep asking questions and exploring new angles of the person you’re with.

One of the best relationship tips I’ve ever received came from an older couple who had been married for over 40 years. They swore by a weekly “check-in question.” Sometimes it was as practical as “What’s been stressing you out lately?” Other times, it was more imaginative, like “What’s one thing you’d do differently if you could relive last week?” It wasn’t about solving problems; it was about staying curious about each other’s internal worlds.

But here’s the catch: curiosity in relationships can be dangerous territory if it’s paired with judgment. For instance, when my partner told me they sometimes set alarms strategically just to enjoy the satisfaction of snoozing them (a concept I’d never grasped as a “wake up on the first bell” kind of guy), it took some effort not to launch into a lecture about inefficiency. Instead, I chose curiosity—“When did you start doing that?”—and discovered it was a habit born from childhood mornings of negotiating chore duties with siblings. Not only did this relieve my need to “fix” the habit, but it also gave me a glimpse into a formative part of their life.

Making Curiosity a Habit

Okay, I get it: being curious sounds great in theory, but it can feel awkward in practice. Here’s the good news: you don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to cultivate it in your own life. Start with micro-moments—little instances where asking one follow-up question or looking for something unfamiliar can lead to surprising insights.

Try these:
- In everyday conversations: Next time someone mentions their weekend plans, don’t just nod politely—dig deeper. Ask why they chose that activity or what they’re most looking forward to.
- When you're stuck in a routine: If your typical Friday night involves the same takeout order, why not peruse the weirdest menu item and order it instead? Yes, spicy peanut tofu might not become your new comfort food, but who knows?
- When you’re debating someone: Instead of doubling down on proving your point, ask, “Tell me more about why you think that.” It’s amazing how often curiosity can turn confrontation into understanding (and sometimes even laughter).

Not every foray into curiosity will lead to groundbreaking revelations. But think of it this way: life without curiosity is like watching reruns of the same three TV shows on an endless loop. They’re comforting, sure, but wouldn’t you rather stumble upon something new—even if it’s delightfully bizarre or slightly uncomfortable?

The Courage to Be Curious

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about curiosity, it’s that it demands courage—because being curious requires letting go of certainty. Whether it’s about love, life, or what makes someone tick, true curiosity asks you to admit that you don’t know everything, and that’s okay.

So, ask the question. Order the peanut tofu. Wander the unfamiliar trail (but for goodness’ sake, bring enough snacks). There’s a whole world of unexpected discoveries waiting for those brave enough to follow their curiosity, wherever it leads.