Lessons I Wish I Knew Earlier

There’s a saying I grew up hearing in West Virginia: “You don’t know how steep the hill is until you’ve climbed it.” And let me tell you, the hills of dating, relationships, and learning the hard way have left me sweating, mud on my boots, and wondering why nobody handed me a map before I started. But with some hindsight wisdom—and a fair share of bruises to prove it—I’m here to share some of the lessons I wish someone had handed me at the trailhead. Let’s dive in.

1. Stop Trying to Be Everyone’s Cup of Tea—Or Moonshine

Early on, I thought I needed to mold myself into whatever someone wanted. Like I was at some romantic Build-A-Bear workshop, handing out stuffing hearts and personality tweaks, hoping to appeal to everyone. Spoiler alert: That’ll burn you out faster than a cheap pickup truck on a steep grade.

Lesson learned? Be who you are unapologetically. Your quirks, your odd sayings, your love of old bluegrass mixtapes—those should shine. People worth your time will not only accept you on your own terms—they’ll celebrate it. And those that don’t? Well, good riddance. Not everyone needs to be on your dance card.

2. Communication Trumps Guesswork

I used to think relationships were part-love, part-mystery novel. I’d sit there analyzing every text, every look, every pause like I was Hercule Poirot trying to crack the code of someone’s feelings. Once, I spent four hours writing a text—and it wasn’t even good! Just me sweating over whether I sounded too eager (or not eager enough).

Here’s the deal: No one is handing out awards for the best emotional mind-reading. If you don’t know what someone’s thinking, ask them. If you’re unsure how they feel about something, talk about it. Clarity is sexy. Clear communication? Downright revolutionary. Bonus points: it saves you from a lot of cold sweats and wasted time drafting “perfect” responses.

3. If They Like You, You’ll Know. If They Don’t, You’ll Be Confused.

Oof. This one stung to learn, but it’s the truth I didn’t know I needed. If someone’s into you, their actions match their words. Simple as that. You’ll feel like more than an afterthought between their climbing-the-corporate-ladder pep talks and Taco Tuesday hangouts with roommates. You shouldn’t have to decode mixed messages like you're trying to break into Fort Knox.

I once dated someone who treated me like a backup singer to their life. You know the type—only showing up when their plans fell through or replying with a “Sorry, been crazy busy!” days later. Guess what? People make time for what matters. If someone’s too busy to prioritize you, thank them silently for the clarity and do yourself the favor of moving on.

4. Compatibility Isn’t Just Chemistry

Sure, fireworks are fun. The kind of giddy energy that makes you grin for hours after a date? Priceless. But chemistry alone doesn’t mean two people can build a lasting relationship. It took me a heartbreak or three to figure out that what feels electric in the moment might not be enough when life gets real. Because no amount of sparks is fixing major values mismatches—whether it’s about goals, family, or even where you want to live.

I once got caught up with a dynamite personality who couldn’t imagine living outside a major city, while I was daydreaming of trees and small-town life. On paper, we were opposites in the rom-com kind of way. In reality, it meant endless fights about what “our” future could look like.

Lesson? Find someone as excited for the same kind of life you want as you are. Passion is a good kindling, but shared values will keep your fire burning.

5. Your Value Doesn’t Come From Who Notices You

Look, I get it. When we were kids, Disney movies taught us that being chosen—by a prince, a knight, or, heck, even a large predator lion in The Lion King—meant we were worthy. But as much as I love a good hero’s journey, here’s the real tea: Your worth doesn’t hinge on someone else’s attention, affection, or validation.

It’s something I still wrestle with on the tough days. But relationships don’t complete us—they complement us. You are already a whole person, whether or not there’s someone holding your hand through the latest Netflix crime docuseries.

6. Love Changes, and That’s Okay

“Love should always feel like the beginning,” someone once told me. I believed it, too—until I realized it set me up for some dangerous expectations. The truth is, love doesn’t always feel like the giddy first date or can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other honeymoon phase. It evolves, deepens, and changes. And that’s not a bad thing.

In West Virginia, there’s a kind of oak tree that bends in storms instead of breaking. Love needs to bend like that too. People grow. You argue. Life throws curveballs. What matters is whether you grow alongside someone, weathering the storms as a team. Love stretches—and it’s the stretching that makes it resilient.

7. You Can’t “Fix” Someone—And They Can’t Fix You

Oh boy, this one had me running circles for years. Somewhere along the way, I picked up this idea that love could transform someone. That, with enough patience (and maybe a sprinkle of Appalachian grit), my presence would be the missing puzzle piece in their journey to wholeness.

The thing is, relationships aren’t rehab programs, and falling in love with someone’s potential is setting yourself up for heartbreak. You’ll exhaust yourself trying to change someone while ignoring all the glaring signs they’re not ready to grow or meet you halfway. And, fun fact: It goes both ways. If you’re looking for someone to fill the gaps in your self-esteem or save you from loneliness, you’re treading in dangerous waters.

Growth begins with you. Enter relationships as a full person—not a fixer-upper project waiting for someone to swoop in with a hammer and nails.

8. Sometimes, It’s Not About Closure—It’s About Acceptance

I spent way too much time trying to script closure after relationships ended. I wanted heartfelt conversations, perfect explanations, and journal-ready quotes to tie it all up with a neat bow. Truth bomb: Closure doesn’t always come in the way you want. In fact, it rarely does.

Some endings are messy. Some people ghost. Some leave you scratching your head, replaying it all like a cheap soap opera. But closure isn’t something someone gives you—it’s something you decide for yourself. When a relationship ends, you don’t have to understand all the whys. You just have to choose to let go and keep moving forward.

Final Thoughts: Pack for the Journey (But Leave Space for Surprises)

Dating and relationships are one wild, weird road trip. Sometimes there’s a flat tire (hello, ghosting); sometimes there’s an unexpected scenic view that takes your breath away. But every twist and turn teaches you what to look for, what to avoid, and what to hold onto when you find it.

If I could go back and tell younger me one thing, it’d be this: You don’t need to have it all figured out right away. The messy parts are where the best lessons come from, so strap in, take a deep breath, and know that you’re exactly where you need to be right now. And if it doesn’t feel like it? Well, change is just another curve on the road ahead. You’ve got this.