The Craziest Place I’ve Ever Been

Ever been on a date and thought, “This can’t be happening”? Not in the dreamy, fireworks-in-the-sky kind of way. I’m talking about the “Is this my audition for a hidden-camera prank show?” variety. That was me years ago, standing inside a literal coffin at a speed-dating event at a funeral home. Yes, you read that correctly. Coffins. Speed-dating. And me. Let’s dig into it (pun fully intended).

How Did I Get Here?

Toronto has always been a hotbed of quirky events, but this one was a strong contender for the “‘Scuse me while I process this” award. A friend texted me: “Dan, you’re gonna love this. Speed-dating. But Goth. The venue is...wait for it… a funeral home.”

Now, to clarify, I’m not a Goth. My wardrobe is roughly 80% sweaters in varying shades of blue, and I’m more “sad indie songs” than “heavy eyeliner and Bauhaus.” But what really sold me was my friend’s challenge: “It’s an experience.” That, and the wine would allegedly be free. I was in.

First Impressions: I Didn’t Know Dating Could Be Dead Serious

I showed up at the venue—a longstanding Toronto funeral home that normally screams tradition and respectability. But that night? It was more Tim Burton fever dream. They’d added mood lighting (read: ominous candle glow) and draped black lace over the furniture. A harpist, because of course there was a harpist, played a somber tune in the corner. The air smelled faintly of sandalwood and irony.

The attendees were surprisingly diverse. Sure, there were a few vampiric couples who looked like they’d just stepped out of a Hot Topic circa 2005. But there were also people like me: curiosity-driven extroverts just here for a good story. And let me assure you, dear reader, the story delivered.

The rules? Classic speed-dating format: five minutes per coffin, then rotate. Yes, we were paired up for conversations inside open coffins. I can’t decide if this was brilliant or deranged, but it was definitely a mood.

Talking Points: “So, Do You Come Here…Uh, To Die Often?”

Sliding into a satin-lined coffin with someone you’ve never met is a profoundly vulnerable experience. Funny thing: when you’re lying down together, the small talk immediately gets weird. The usual “So, what do you do for a living?” feels comically out of place when you’re in a setting that screams mortician chic. Over the course of the night, these were a few of my coffin conversations:

  1. The Eternal Optimist, Kelly:
    “I mean, they say lying down is great for your core, right?” she joked, as we both awkwardly adjusted our limbs to “fit” the coffin (turns out these things aren’t built for two). Kelly worked in sales and told me, deadpan, that the event’s theme “really tested her networking skills.” Respect.

  2. The Budding Philosopher, Marcus:
    Marcus thought the metaphor of coffins was deep. “Like, isn’t this symbolic of how fleeting and precious connection is, man?” I wasn’t sure whether to swoon or laugh, but Marcus gave me a takeaway: Life is short. Why waste it on bad dates?

  3. The Over-Share Enthusiast, Claire:
    Claire went in hard with an opener: “Okay, so my ex was obsessed with cemeteries—this feels triggering…” In fairness, Claire’s willingness to dive into heavy personal topics immediately scored points for authenticity, if not timing.

What I Learned From Dating in a Coffin

As strange as it was, lying in a “final resting place” pushed me to rethink how I approach connections. Here’s what I took away:

  • Embrace the absurd: Life gets weird. People are weirder. Intentionally putting yourself in wacky situations can soften the edges of dating nerves. Being a little out of your depth nudges you into your most authentic self—no pretenses, no “cool guy” act. Just you.
  • Talk about what truly matters: We only had five minutes in those coffins—no time to talk about, say, my favorite ramen shop in Riverdale (shoutout to Momofuku). So, the questions that came up were meaningful: “What’s your biggest adventure so far?” “What keeps you grounded?” Is it awkward to get deep on a first “meeting”? Sure! But awkward is often where the magic starts.
  • Everyone’s a little weird: Sitting through this rodeo of Goth-meets-rom-com showed me that everybody—behind their polished LinkedIn profile or curated Instagram—is looking for someone to laugh with, to be imperfect with. It’s comforting. Like finding the life's manual has a note saying, "Don't overthink it. Just be real.”

Would I Recommend It? Heck, Yes. Here’s Why.

Now, I get it—dating inside coffins sounds like a logistical nightmare (How do you exit gracefully? “Uh, good talk! I’ll… just… scootch out now?”), but it’s hands down one of the most memorable dating experiences I’ve ever had. It taught me a lot about embracing the unexpected. And isn’t that what every great relationship story boils down to?

So, here’s my advice, whether you’re paired up or still swiping through real-life interactions:
- Say yes to things that might make your friends give you looks.
- Put yourself in places where you feel a little uncomfortable—not unsafe, just unsettled enough to grow.
- And finally, laugh. Because sometimes the craziest places—whether a coffin, a karaoke bar, or some random food truck festival—lead to the most entertaining stories.

A Final Word: Let Your Curiosity Be Your Compass

If love is anything like lying in a coffin with a charming stranger, it’s about letting yourself feel the weird, lean into the chaos, and emerge knowing a little more about who you are. And who knows? Maybe your next great adventure is waiting somewhere totally unexpected.