The Day My Purpose Found Me
It Started With a Question I Didn’t Want to Answer
“I need you to do me a favor,” my mom said, sliding a plate of buttery cornbread across the table as if that would make the request more palatable. Historically, it never did.
That day, I was home from grad school for the summer, happily parked on my childhood couch, mentally preparing for an afternoon of avoiding responsibility. “I promised the Women’s League you’d speak at their luncheon next week,” she said, looking at me with the kind of confidence that didn’t allow for “no” as an option.
This wasn’t a choice. It never was. Being voluntold was as baked into my upbringing as Sunday sermons and sweet tea. Growing up as the daughter of a cardiologist and a lawyer, “giving back” wasn’t just encouraged; it was basically an extracurricular activity. Unfortunately for me, that often involved public speaking engagements for organizations I barely knew on topics I definitely didn’t choose.
“So, uh... what’s the topic?” I asked between careful bites of cornbread, hoping it wasn’t “The Importance of Filing Taxes Early” or another similarly thrilling subject.
“Relationships!” she said, beaming. “You were always so good at talking about things like self-awareness and connection. It’ll be a breeze.”
Self-awareness? Connection? At 24, I was still playing Battleship with my own dating life, guessing blindly and hoping one of those ships would finally land in the right place. But in her eyes, I was Zara-clad Oprah.
The “Aha!” Moment That Almost Didn’t Happen
On the day of the luncheon, I was still resisting. I walked into that room of impeccably dressed junior and senior members of the Women’s League like I’d accidentally wandered into the season finale of "The Crown." I was out of my element but committed to pretending I had something—anything—useful to say about relationships.
I opened with the one universal anecdote I could think of: a disastrous first date involving a botched attempt at bowling and an overenthusiastic waiter who delivered a marriage proposal disguised as dessert. (Lesson learned: don’t let bread pudding carry expectations it cannot meet.) The ladies ate it up—literally and metaphorically.
Somewhere between recounting my date’s obsession with his fantasy football team and the gentle way I suggested we “reschedule” indefinitely, I found my flow. These women nodded along, laughed at my jokes, and—most shockingly—leaned in for tips. By the time dessert was served, I wasn’t just talking about my dating disasters; I was sharing insights I didn’t realize I even had. I told them how I’d learned to listen more than I talked, how I’d started reading more into actions than words, and—this one got a standing ovation—how boundaries were not just “requests” but requirements.
For the first time, I wasn’t reciting a canned speech or trying to impress a professor. I was speaking from a genuine, lived place. Dating—and relationships at large—had played out so hilariously and heartbreakingly in my own life that I could honestly talk about how to navigate them like a survivor of some glittery emotional war zone.
What It Feels Like When the Puzzle Pieces Click
Walking out that day, I didn’t feel like Beyoncé strutting off a stage at Madison Square Garden, exactly, but I did feel something stir. A purpose I didn’t know I’d been circling revealed itself—and not the way rom-coms make these things happen, with swelling music and someone screaming “Eureka!” Instead, it was subtler, softer. Like when you put on a new blouse and realize lavender is definitely your color.
The clues were there all along: I loved storytelling; I’d always been fascinated by how people connect with each other; and I had a knack for translating messy, complicated behaviors into things regular folks could actually understand and apply. But it wasn’t until that day, riffing off a stray question from the audience about love languages vs. attachment styles, that I saw how all of these could braid together into something meaningful.
Why Finding Your Purpose Often Looks Like an Accident
Here’s the thing no one tells you about discovering purpose: It’s incredibly unsexy. Instagram wisdom won’t prepare you for being yanked into it with a speech you didn’t volunteer for. No one talks about the kitchen-table talks sabotaged by cornbread or the times purpose sneaks through the back door, yelling, “Surprise!” when you least expect it.
For me, uncovering my calling was a messy, unexpected collision of preparation, circumstance, and a touch of maternal guilt. And, honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
That said, I’ve since learned to embrace a few truths about purpose, particularly when it feels as elusive as getting a second date with someone who doesn’t overuse emojis.
Tools for Stumbling Into Your Calling
If you’re wrestling with what your meaningful “thing” is and haven’t yet had the delightful privilege of being thrust in front of a live audience with no choice but to perform, here are some lessons I’ve picked up along the way:
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Start Where You Are (Even if It’s Awkward)
Purpose doesn’t require perfection. I didn’t have all the answers when I started talking about relationships, and you don’t have to either. Start wherever you are and build from there. A shaky start is still a start, so embrace the awkward and trust that you’ll grow into it. -
Pay Attention to What People Ask of You
Sometimes the people around you see gifts you underestimate in yourself. For me, it was my mom’s confidence that I had something valuable to say about relationships. Other people’s requests or observations can be mirrors reflecting talents you’ve yet to fully acknowledge. -
Lean Into What Energizes You
What made that luncheon magical wasn’t just me showing up; it was the ease and joy I felt in connecting with those women. Purpose often shows up not in what we should do but in what lights us up. -
Be Willing to Detour
You might not find your purpose within the neatly planned path you’d imagined for yourself. I thought my life would be filled with award-winning novels by now (and hey, it’s still on the table), but teaching others how to navigate connection has been the unexpected detour that makes me come alive. -
Messy is Better Than Nothing
So much of discovering and committing to something meaningful is just about doing something. I’ve fumbled through so many romantic missteps and career pivots, but those experiences shaped me. Purpose finds you in the cracks, not just the crescendos.
Wrapping It Up with a Bow (Or Like That Last Awkward Text)
Fast-forward to now, I’m writing articles just like this one, penning love stories about heartbreak and new beginnings, and speaking openly about all the lessons I’ve learned the hard (but always colorful) way. I don’t have it all figured out—no one does—but leaning into my purpose has been a messy, beautiful gift.
So, if you’re out here waiting for the clouds to part and spell out your calling in neon italics, let me save you some time: It probably won’t look like that. Purpose rarely arrives on cue.
But if you’re willing to answer when the cornbread—and the moment—calls, you might just stumble into something life-changing. Trust me, I’ve been there. And the bread pudding was worth it.
