What’s in a name? Shakespeare may have tried to dismiss its importance—cue Juliet’s famous lament about roses—but let’s be honest: our names hold power. They introduce us before we even say a word, carrying whispers of lineage, culture, and the hopes of those who gave them to us. Names are crowns, polished by our ancestors, and sometimes made our own through a bit of reclamation, mispronunciation forgiveness, or outright reinvention.

For me, navigating the world with a name that’s not easily ignored has been illuminating, occasionally draining, but ultimately empowering. My name is my business card, my icebreaker, my love letter to where I come from—and let me tell you, it’s a great litmus test for who I want to engage with romantically. Want to know if a potential partner respects you? Watch how they engage with your name.

Let’s talk about how your name—yes, YOUR fabulous, cultural, poetic, or maybe beautifully ordinary name—shapes your identity, confidence, and even love life.

Wear Your Name Like It’s Custom-Tailored Couture

Step into any party, first date, or Zoom meeting, and your name is doing some heavy lifting before you even get to speak. It’s a declaration of who you are, where you’ve been, and in some cases, where you’re headed. In my case, watching someone squint at “Tiana Whitewolf” has become my own twisted bingo card of interactions:

  1. The Ignorer: “Oh! Is it okay if I just call you T?” (No, Karen, it’s not. I love my full name. Let me help you with the pronunciation instead.)
  2. The Butcher: A brave soul who goes for it, complete with more syllables than needed. I don’t hold this against them; effort counts.
  3. The Enthusiast: This is the sweet spot—when someone compliments the name’s cadence or asks about its story without turning it into an interrogation.

Here’s the lesson: you can’t control how others react to your name, but you can control how you carry it. Names are our armor—strengthened when we embrace them unapologetically. If your name feels like a mouthful to others, consider framing it as your strength, the way designer runway looks aren’t meant to be simplified into fast fashion. (Yes, darling, you are couture.)

Your Name as a Love Filter

Let me tell you, dating with a distinctive name is like throwing chum into a sea of reactions. “Whitewolf? Is that your real last name, or a Dungeons & Dragons character?” Oh, the boy who said that had no idea he was about to receive a mini lecture on the sacred meanings of family names in Navajo culture. Needless to say, there wasn’t a second date… but that’s the point. My name filtered him out.

Your name is a natural sieve, letting the gems who care stick around and whisking away those who can’t be bothered. It’s a self-selecting dating strategy that works—provided you know your worth.

Here are a few takeaways from my name-related dating experiments:
- Cheeky curiosity is attractive. If someone asks about the origins of your name in a respectful way, that’s a green flag. It shows they’re interested in your story, not just their own.
- But relentless joking is not. While a little humor is fine, if they can’t stop making fun of it—whether it’s exoticizing your name or reducing it to a nickname you didn’t choose—that’s not playful, it’s dismissive.
- Mutual exchange matters. Names, like relationships, go both ways. I want to know how he feels about his own name too. Whether it’s a classic like “James” or something with historic flair, the way someone relates to their own name says a lot about self-confidence and cultural connection.

The Ghost of Nicknames Past

I get it; not every name is easy on the ears when you’re four and your schoolmates are relentless little comedians. Growing up, I’d sometimes go by “Tia” just to “blend in” during class roll call because heaven forbid a teacher took a five-second pause to figure out “Tiana Whitewolf.” At the time, it seemed easier to shed part of my identity than risk the awkward silence.

But as I entered adulthood, I started clinging tighter to my full name. It was like I realized: wait a second. Why am I making myself smaller because the world can’t keep up? Tiana Whitewolf sounds like a heroine from a fantasy novel or someone who owns a crystal shop (and okay, maybe I own a few crystals). But who I am runs deeper than the syllables.

What’s your relationship like with nicknames? Here are some thoughts to reclaim them:
- Love Choice, Not Compromise. If you love a shortened version of your name—great! Add it into your intro: “Hi, I’m Alexandria, but my friends call me ‘Lex.’” But don’t default to nicknames because they make life easier for others.
- Cheeky Extras Add Impact. One of my friends adds her nickname into her dating bio as a challenge: “Call me ‘Zee’ if it’s love at first sight.” Playful and mysterious.
- Embrace the Past Without Living There. The high school nickname someone slapped on you might hold tender or cringe-worthy memories, but hold the power to let it go if it no longer serves you.

Names Are Living, Breathing Stories

Here’s the truth: your name is your starting point. But it’s not static. Sometimes we inherit names; other times, we create new ones. And, like fashion, it’s okay to experiment, tweak, or reinvent as we grow into ourselves.

For me, reclaiming the significance of Whitewolf across dating contexts has been both amusing and enlightening. It’s a nod to my family’s heritage, but it’s also become a conversation starter, a boundary setter, and a window into how others see me. My friend Yuan has her own spin—she’s constantly correcting people who mistakenly call her “Yo-Anne” instead of the soft, lyrical “You-ahn.” That act of correction is a kind of self-love, reminding the world she’s not shrinking her identity to fit their tongues.

Crowning Yourself

At the end of the day, your name is part of the love story you’re writing—with yourself, with others, and with your future. Whether that story involves reconnecting with the roots of ancestral names, removing the parts that no longer fit, or creating something entirely new, remember this: your name is your crown. Own it. Shine it. Correct people if they stumble over it. And never, ever let anyone suggest you should shrink it to make it easier for them.

The best connections happen with people who want to know your story—not the SparkNotes version. So, go out there and let your name do its thing. Anyone worth keeping around is going to love how it sings when you wear it with confidence. The rest? Well, there’s a reason the saying isn’t, “One-size-fits-all crowns.”

Now, claim yours.