Living life between two worlds often feels like attending a party where the DJ can’t decide which song to play—Tiwa Savage’s “Koroba” or Adele’s “Someone Like You.” At first, your body wants to dance, your heart wants to cry, and eventually, you end up with a bit of both—dancing while crying (quick tip: waterproof mascara is crucial). For many of us navigating cultural, personal, or professional dualities, this tug-of-war becomes our reality. Whether you’re balancing familial expectations with personal desires, navigating a love life that blends WhatsApp courtships with late-night rom-com binges, or managing career goals that stretch across time zones and traditions, it’s a daily exercise in (sometimes hilarious) compromise.

Let me tell you a story: once, on a bright Lagos morning, my aunt scolded me for not covering my hair properly during Christmas lunch. She said, “Do you think you’re still in London? You’re back home now.” Two weeks later, at a brunch in Shoreditch, I was told I sounded “very Nigerian” (as though London hadn’t rubbed off on me yet). This is the constant pendulum swing of life between two cultures: when in Lagos, I’m too British, and when in London, I’m oh-so-Nigerian. Throw love, career, and fleeting personal ambitions into the mix, and you've got yourself a story worthy of its own Nollywood-meets-Hollywood screenplay.

So how do you make this double-sided reality work without crumbling under the weight of clashing identities, values, and societal expectations? Grab your Jollof plate (with a side of tea and biscuits), and let’s break it down.

The Culture Conundrum

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had to explain to a date why asking “Do you live with your parents?” isn’t an insult in a West African context. Or if you’ve fumbled your way through feeling “seen” by someone who doesn’t quite understand your unique brand of cultural references—like knowing the church hymns by heart but also being ready to shut down the dance floor to Burna Boy.

Navigating cultural dualities in relationships means learning how to bridge gaps without losing yourself:

  • Embrace the Ambiguity: You don’t always have to fit neatly into one cultural box. Let your uniqueness shine. Sometimes I joke with my friends that I’m a “Plantain-eating, tea-drinking hybrid,” and honestly—it’s true. Learn to wield it as part of your charm.
  • Find the Right Witness: Not every romantic partner, friend, or colleague will “get” you completely—and that’s okay. Over time, I’ve learned that the right connections accept not just where you’re from but how where you’re from has shaped you.

Case in point: Dating someone unfamiliar with your culture might feel like work. (Ever tried explaining the joy of akara and pap on a lazy Sunday morning?) But giving them an open invitation to learn about your world—like taking them to a family party, complete with smoky suya chews and auntie-side-eyes—can turn uncomfortable moments into bonding ones.

Balancing Love & Tradition (Without Losing Yourself)

Now let’s talk love. In my twenties, I feared I would be handed a giant “time’s up” card if I didn’t start checking all the culturally-approved relationship boxes: Have you met someone? Is he serious? Is there a ring yet? (Subtlety has never been an auntie’s strong suit.) Meanwhile, the other half of my reality was urging me to prioritize self-fulfillment and romantic “compatibility”—the blend of shared Spotify playlists and shared life goals.

Trying to keep both sides happy can be like filling out a hybrid biodata form. That’s why keeping clarity and boundaries matters:

  • Create Intentional Non-Negotiables: Are you waiting for a partner who respects your culture, or one who prioritizes career but also commits to Sunday family dinners? Write those rules! There’s gold in defining your “must-haves” and “worth-it-compromises.”
  • Learn the Art of Pacifying Relatives: African parents love asking questions that make any mortal sweat. “Have you prayed about him?” or “When will you introduce him to us?” Whenever I needed to delay the credit-check-level interrogation around my love life, I’d quip, “Let me finalize negotiations with God first.” What works for one family may not fly everywhere—trust me, humor and patience go far.

Work-Life: Defining Professional Dualities

On one hand, I wanted my master’s degree to open doors for development work and global storytelling. On the other hand, my core love for writing about modern West African realities burned brightly. Navigating a professional identity tied to both worlds pushed me to default into “and” thinking instead of “either/or.”

But if you’re juggling professional worlds—whether that’s punching through time zones, clashing work ethics, or redefining your ambition—it’s important not to lose your sense of self.

  • Own Your Story: Whether you’re an engineer by day and curator of Afrobeat-hit Spotify playlists by night, or you speak corporate English at a 3 p.m. Zoom call and switch to pidgin over dinner, embrace your full self at work and beyond. In time, your versatility will become your superpower.
  • Practice Homegrown Resilience: When I worked in Dakar, I learned that professional duality meant adapting quickly—learning how to mock-laugh politely when power outage delays are blamed on “juju,” then transitioning to raise funding in slick PowerPoint pitches. Keep both humor and grit close—dual worlds thrive best on adaptability.

Practical Survival Toolkit for a Life Between Worlds

Every hero needs their survival tools. And when you straddle worlds, your toolkit becomes as layered as your duality. Here’s mine:

  • Music That Moves, Always: Nothing reminds me of who I am like a solid playlist that spans both my sides: from Asa’s soulful reflection to Stormzy’s raw honesty. When the world feels like too much, returning to familiar sounds grounds me.
  • Food as a Love Language: No matter where you are in the world, food connects like nothing else. Whether it’s bonding with friends over efo riro or teaching someone how to balance the kick of pepper soup, food often acts as a translator my words can’t.
  • Humor, Humor, Humor: Few things diffuse awkward cultural clashes like humor. A joke about how spicy Nigerian jollof can clear sinuses or how no one survives my mum’s interrogation (not even her friends) keeps things lighthearted.

At the End of the Day…

Life between two worlds isn’t simple—but would you want it any other way? There’s power in realizing that you’re not meant to live one narrow identity; duality brings color, flavor, and nuance to your story. And that story? It’s worth celebrating.

Whether you’re feeling the heat of balancing tradition and modernity, or just learning to flourish in your liminal space, here’s the truth: You’re not “too much” of anything. You’re everything you’re meant to be. So, embrace it—preferably with a plate of suya in one hand and a cup of Earl Grey in the other.