Here’s the thing nobody tells you: learning to love yourself can sometimes feel like learning how to salsa when you’ve got two left feet. Awkward. Embarrassing. And half the time, you're just stepping on your own toes. But—just like with salsa—stick with the rhythm long enough, and you discover that this self-acceptance thing? It’s not only doable but also ridiculously rewarding.
I didn’t always get this. Growing up in Hialeah, surrounded by the aroma of pastelitos and the chatter of my mom’s bakery regulars, the idea of self-love seemed… abstract at best. Life was about familia—bending over backward to help others and making sure no one left the bakery without a cafecito in hand. Somewhere in there, my needs took a back seat to everyone else’s expectations.
But let me break it down for you. Loving yourself isn’t about bubble baths and retail therapy (although, let’s not dismiss the healing power of a good pair of shoes). It’s about showing up for yourself when it counts and realizing you’re not the side character in your own life story. So, here’s how I went from self-doubt to self-love. Spoiler: It’s messy, but so is life.
Step 1: Recognizing the (Not-So-Lovely) Narrator in Your Head
For years, my internal monologue sounded like the Cuban aunt who points out you’ve gained weight before asking how you’ve been. Harsh, judgmental, and impossible to ignore.
I think we all have that inner narrator who loves to perform an editorial takedown as soon as we glance in the mirror. Mine? Oh, it was relentless. Why’s your hair doing that today? Why would you wear skinny jeans with those shoes? Seriously, Raúl? It’s like I’d become my own worst critic before anyone else could beat me to it.
The day I snapped out of it was monumental. I was grading my students’ essays—some were brilliant, others needed… let’s call it developmental guidance. But here’s what got me: even when their writing wasn’t perfect, I was kind in my feedback. Why couldn’t I extend the same compassion to myself?
So, here’s your first to-do: Observe your inner narrator. Is it mean? Judgmental? Hold it accountable. If you wouldn’t talk to your best friend that way, cut it out. You’ll be amazed at how much easier life gets when you stop roasting yourself in your own mind.
Step 2: The Art of Getting Uncomfortable
Alright, here’s where we make things spicy. Loving yourself isn’t some gentle epiphany that occurs during a yoga class under soft fairy lights. It’s rolling up your sleeves, getting vulnerable, and yes, screwing up sometimes.
After my college years in Tallahassee, I spent a summer in Key West as part of this writers’ residency. Sounds dreamy, right? Let me set the scene: I’m on a porch, staring at gorgeous blue waters, palms swaying. But instead of writing the next great Cuban American novel, I’m paralyzed by doubt. What if the other writers figure out I don’t “belong” here? What if my work isn’t good enough?
Newsflash: Loving yourself doesn’t mean you magically stop doubting everything. It means showing up even when the doubt is deafening. It’s letting yourself fumble and create anyway. When I finally started writing that summer, it wasn’t pretty—but it was honest. And something about pouring my imperfect self onto the page felt like a victory. You’ve got to get uncomfortable to grow; there’s no other way around it.
Step 3: Be Your Own Hypeman (Seriously, No One Else Will Do It for You)
Let’s play a quick game of "Spot the Cuban Kid Trauma." Growing up, my parents’ version of encouragement was pointing out what I could do better. Hit an A- in school? “Buen trabajo, but why not an A+?” Scored the winning run in Little League? “Nice, but you looked slow rounding second.”
Sound familiar?
It took me years to realize no one was going to hype me up if I didn’t do it first. I started practicing small wins. Finished a chapter of my novel? Time to treat myself to a colada. Held my ground during a family debate over politics? That deserved praise, too.
So here’s your homework: Start celebrating yourself, no matter how small. Got through a tough day with grace? Round of applause. Finally folded the mountain of laundry that’s been haunting the corner of your room? Gold star. Life’s too short not to be your own biggest fan.
Step 4: Ditch the Social Media Highlight Reel Mentality
Don’t get me wrong, I love a perfectly filtered beach selfie as much as the next South Floridian, but do you know what’s dangerous? Comparing your bloopers to someone else’s highlight reel. Instagram is a lie, people. Nobody’s life looks as sun-soaked and flawless as a Pitbull music video.
There was a point when I couldn’t scroll through my feed without that little voice creeping back: Why don’t you travel as much as that guy? Why isn’t your skin glowing like hers? Then I realized something. You never see someone posting, “Here’s a selfie of me sobbing in my car after a rough breakup”—even though that’s real life for all of us at some point.
I did a massive purge of accounts that made me feel less-than and started curating a timeline of things that inspired me instead. Afro-Cuban jazz musicians? Absolutely. Writers I admire? Yes, please. Pitbull memes? Obviously.
Take this as a sign to unfollow anything (or anyone) that makes you doubt your worth. Replace it with the stuff that lifts you up. Every scroll should remind you of how much magic there is in being exactly who you are.
Step 5: Surround Yourself with Kindness (Starting with You)
When I was a kid working at my parents’ bakery, I noticed something: people gravitate to warmth. The customers who stuck around weren’t just there for the croquetas—they came for the laughs, the stories, the sense of belonging my parents created.
Loving yourself means creating that same sense of warmth for you. Start by surrounding yourself with people who make you feel seen, valued, and celebrated. And let go of anyone who drains your energy or leaves you questioning your worth. (It’s not easy, but trust me on this one.)
But here’s the kicker: Even if you find the kindest, most uplifting tribe, it still starts with you. You’ve got to speak kindly to yourself, show up for your own growth, and stand as your number-one cheerleader. Every day.
Final Thoughts: A Work in Progress, But Worth It
Learning to love myself wasn’t a one-time event. It’s a messy, ongoing process—like trying to keep a guava pastelito intact while eating it (impossible, but always worth the effort). And that’s okay. Life isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up for yourself, flaws and all, and realizing you’re worthy of love—especially from you.
So next time that inner critic starts tearing you down, remember: You’re the only “you” this world gets. That’s worth celebrating. Always.
