How to Spot the Dance of Connection: Reading the Signals in Dating Without Second-Guessing Yourself

Ah, modern dating. It’s like learning to tango when you’re not quite sure if you’re leading, following, or just stumbling through a chaotic Zumba class. Somewhere between the texting lulls, the accidental double taps on Instagram, and the "Who pays for the avocado toast?" dilemmas, there’s one universal question: Does this person actually like me?

As someone who grew up in a culture where dating felt both like a sacred rite and a strategic chess match (hello, youth dances in the church gymnasium), let me assure you: deciphering the intentions of a potential romantic interest has been plaguing humanity since Adam awkwardly handed Eve that first fig leaf. But don’t worry—I’ve got you. Together, we’ll crack this code and help you spot whether you’re actually waltzing toward a connection or doing the cha-cha solo.

1. Their Actions Speak Louder Than Their Spotify Playlist

You can learn a lot about someone by what they do rather than what they say. In my younger years, I was taught that people express their feelings via "service"—a lovely idea, but also problematic when you find yourself mistakenly interpreting someone holding a door open as intent to marry you.

It’s crucial to observe patterns. Do they consistently show up for you? This could be anything from remembering your favorite obscure soda brand to making time despite their "crazy busy schedule" (which, by the way, is rarely busier than yours).

Things to look for: - They check in regularly, not as a favor, but because they want to.
- They make tangible efforts to include you in their plans, like inviting you on hikes or—if you’re really lucky—visiting a family-run diner at an absurd hour because you just have to try the pie.
- They actively listen to things you’ve mentioned in passing. Bonus points if they surprise you with small (but meaningful) gestures, like bringing up that dream trip you casually talked about two weeks ago.

If someone is showing up like this, they might as well be waving a neon sign that says, "Hey, you mean something to me!" Just don’t analyze too deeply if they forget something small—it doesn’t always mean they’re cold-hearted; sometimes, they’re just tired or human.

2. Communication: Are They Tap-Dancing Around Questions or Straightforward?

Navigating mixed signals in communication isn’t just a dating challenge—it’s become a national pastime. But here’s the deal: meaningful connection thrives on clarity, not cryptic messages. Are they sending vague "Let’s maybe do something sometime?" vibes, or are they direct about when, where, and how they’d like to see you again?

I’ll admit, in my own dating life, I've overanalyzed harmless texts as if decoding ancient scripture. Once, I spent an entire afternoon dissecting the tone of "Sure, sounds good!" spoken over toast at my local coffee shop. Spoiler: it was exactly what it sounded like.

Signs of meaningful communication:
- Prompt responses (you don’t feel like you’re yelling into the void every time you text them).
- They’re keen to move conversations forward—whether it’s making plans or diving deeper into personal topics.
- They ask questions. Real, thoughtful ones. Like, “What’s your favorite poem?” and not “What are you up to? [dead silence for 16 hours]”

If their communication feels genuine, take it as a strong signal you’re on the same wavelength. Remember, if you’re constantly left wondering where you stand, it’s less about being "busy" and more about priorities.

3. Observing the Subtle Cues: Body Language and Eye Contact

Now, I don’t pretend to be some kind of dating anthropologist, studying mating rituals in a coffee shop over an oat milk latte, but body language matters. For instance, growing up near the Wasatch Range, I attended a lot of group hiking outings—prime opportunities to read interactions. If someone was intentionally walking beside me on an uphill stretch instead of bolting ahead with the speediest folks, that wasn’t just fitness solidarity. That was interest, plain and simple.

What to notice:
- Proximity. Are they leaning in or finding ways to close the gap, like sitting next to you during trivia night at the bar?
- Eye contact. Sustained eye contact isn’t just romanticized in movies; it’s a real, biological way humans bond. If they’re gazing at you like they’re trying to memorize the dimensions of your soul, they’re likely into you.
- The Small Touches. Humans have a funny way of expressing affection through touch—brushing an arm, offering a hand to help you over something (even if it’s just a ridiculously small curb). If these touches feel intentional, gentle, and frequent, you likely have their attention.

Note: Don’t overthink every gesture. Someone reaching for a ketchup packet isn’t necessarily a declaration of love.

4. Are You Co-Starring in Their Future Plans?

People who see you as a potential long-term connection tend to include you in plans with a shelf life longer than your typical fridge leftovers. This doesn’t mean their calendar needs to suddenly revolve around you, but if their upcoming adventures include you—even loosely? That’s a flashing arrow pointing to genuine interest.

Maybe it’s a concert three months away, a family dinner invitation that surprises even them, or just casually saying, “Next summer, let’s try paddle-boarding.” (Even if they haven’t actually tried paddle-boarding.) The point is, they’re looking beyond the short term and imagining you there.

On the flip side, if you notice their plans sound like single-person escapades set in some “solo journey of enlightenment” Netflix special, well…take that as a hint to recalibrate your expectations.

5. Trust Yourself: When the Forest Clears

Here’s the tricky bit: Sometimes, it’s not about reading their signals. It’s about trusting your own.

In the LDS community I grew up in, we were taught the concept of a "still, small voice." That same principle applies outside of religious contexts. Call it intuition, a sixth sense, or whatever you’d like—it often quietly hints whether something feels right or off.

If you’re constantly unsure about their feelings, it might be less a reflection of your ability to interpret cues and more an indicator of mismatched energy. Believe me, I’ve learned this the long (and occasionally painful) way. If someone likes you, you won’t need to write a thesis to figure it out—it’ll unfold naturally, like snow on an alpine peak.

A little checklist for self-reflection:
- Do I feel valued when I’m with them?
- Is their energy consistent, or is it a rollercoaster that gives me whiplash?
- Do I enjoy who I am when I’m around them? (Because you deserve to like that person too.)

A Quick Pep Talk to Send You On Your Way

Look, dating isn’t supposed to be an Olympic sport that leaves your soul sore and your brain doing mental gymnastics. But it’s also not as formulaic as a rom-com—we don’t all get a perfectly scripted fourth act set against a dramatic rainstorm.

The truth? Real connection is about showing up. It’s easy to spot someone who genuinely likes you when you stop second-guessing yourself and trust what you see. And if someone doesn’t make you feel valued, don’t be afraid to move on. The right dance partner will match your rhythm naturally.

Because the point of dating isn’t to decode people. It’s to celebrate and share the weird, wild experience that is being human. Whether or not there’s love in someone’s glances or texts, remember that you are a joy to love—and someone out there will see that as clearly as the stars over Bryce Canyon.