The Joy of Being Curious

When I was eight, I wondered what would happen if I dug a hole in the sand deep enough to reach China. My dad told me two things: one, that wasn’t geographically possible, and two, we should probably move our blanket farther up the beach before the tide swallowed it. In hindsight, my makeshift excavation site taught me two things of my own: curiosity doesn’t always produce practical results, but it always makes life interesting.

Curiosity gets a bad rap sometimes. Like, we’ve all heard the part about how it killed the cat, but they conveniently forget to mention that satisfaction allegedly brought it back. And when it comes to relationships—whether you're in them, out of them, or somewhere in the awkward in-between—curiosity is less a luxury and more a necessary tool for navigating the gorgeous, messy, unpredictable map of human connection. I mean, let’s face it: none of us have it all figured out. But that’s where curiosity works its magic.

So grab a metaphorical shovel, and let’s dig into some places curiosity has taken me—and the wildly unpredictable ways it can transform how we approach life, love, and everything in between.

Curiosity is the GPS to the Unexpected

When I was 22, fresh out of college and bravely (read: naively) optimistic, I spent a summer interning at a publishing house in New York City. It was my first experience off the Southern coast, and I thought it would be all cappuccinos, book deals, and twinkle-lit rooftop parties. Spoiler alert: it was more dollar pizza, fluorescent lighting, and trying not to cry on the subway when I got lost in Queens.

That summer, I decided to lean into my curiosity: Could I fall in love with city life? What secrets did Manhattan hide around its corners? And, most importantly, was I the type of person who could afford seamless WiFi on a fourth-floor walk-up budget?

The short answer? No. But through my burning curiosity, I befriended someone who lived in Brooklyn and knew the best views of the Manhattan skyline—which became an impromptu date spot for two weeks before we realized we wanted entirely different things. The magic of curiosity isn’t that it gives you everything you want—it’s that it surprises you with exactly what you didn’t know you needed. Some of life’s best connections, whether romantic or platonic, start with asking one small, risky question: “What if?”

Allow Curiosity to Break the Scripts

Curiosity and clichés do not mix. It’s like putting ketchup on a fancy charcuterie board—nobody wins. Society absolutely loves to take our interpersonal lives and boil them down to overly simple “truths.” You know the ones: Opposites attract. Love conquers all. Never text back too fast. (Seriously, who made texting fast a criminal offense?)

But being curious means you’re willing to challenge those narratives. What if, instead of fixating on hypothetical dating rules, you ask why they exist—and whether they even matter for your life?

Case in point: Years ago, I had a friend insist that “serious partners should have identical interests.” For a hot minute, I was hooked on that idea. But then, against my better judgment, I said yes to a date with—ahem—a professional storm chaser. I know, I know. South Carolina doesn’t see a lot of twisters, but this person seemed endlessly fascinated by extreme weather, and I couldn’t help but be intrigued.

Turns out, I love learning about things I’ll never personally do. That relationship didn’t culminate in marriage, but all those conversations about storm formations and risk calculation made me realize something life-changing: Curiosity isn’t about wanting to become the other person (thank God, no storm chasing for me)—it’s about being willing to embrace their world and expand your own along the way.

How Curiosity Heals What Hurts

Let’s take a second to get a little more personal. Curiosity isn’t just a tool to build connections—it’s a lifeline for surviving the hard stuff. Case in point: breakups. Even with Taylor Swift’s discography and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, heartbreak will test you. But here’s the twist: what if you looked at loss not as an end, but as an invitation to get curious about who the heck you are now that the dust has settled?

After my first major breakup, I realized I’d spent so much time trying to be the perfect girlfriend that I’d forgotten to be me. (FYI, becoming an expert on someone else’s favorite hobbies doesn’t always make you compatible—it makes you a chameleon, which is great for nature documentaries but not so much for long-term compatibility.)

So I started asking questions again—important ones like, “What does Kaylee want?” and also ridiculous ones like, “Can I teach myself to rollerblade better than a 7-year-old?” (For the record, the answer is absolutely not.) With every awkward endeavor, I found pieces of myself that I’d forgotten about—and that spark of curiosity lit a fire in me to keep growing.

Curiosity is its own kind of self-love. It takes you by the hand, lifts your chin, and says, “Let’s see what we can make of this.”

How to Be Curiously Ever-After

So how do we harness this curiosity when it comes to our day-to-day relationships—romantic or otherwise? Glad you asked. Here are a few tools straight from my own experiments:

  • Ask the meaningful questions.
    Instead of sticking to small talk, try sneakily throwing in some deeper queries when the moment feels right: What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn but never had the time for? Who’s made the biggest impact on your life? These questions open the gates to connection and remind you that we’re all human, craving to be understood.

  • Stay open to unexpected detours.
    New people, new routines, new places—they all feel intimidating! But I promise, you never know where curiosity might lead until you willingly stumble into the uncharted.

  • Give yourself space to reflect.
    Curiosity isn’t about chasing non-stop excitement. Sometimes, it’s quietly sitting by yourself at sunset—an iced sweet tea in hand—and simply asking, “How can I feel more alive today?”

The Takeaway

Curiosity doesn’t always guarantee clean answers or perfect endings (because, really, what does?). But it invites you to step out of the “shoulds” and “musts” and explore the wild, untamed landscape of your own heart—and the people, experiences, and adventures your questions bring into it.

Every dream, every romance, every opportunity begins with the same thing: a little spark of curiosity and the courage to follow where it leads. Whether in your relationships or your rediscovery of yourself, there’s an entire world just waiting to be unearthed. You just have to keep asking—and keep digging.