They say the first step to overcoming impostor syndrome is admitting you have it—so here goes: I spent the better part of my twenties convinced I was a fraud. Not in a catch-me-if-you-can con artist kind of way, but in the quieter, more exhausting form of feeling like an Olympic-level imposter merely existing in spaces I’d worked hard to earn. Graduating with honors? Lucky guess on that last essay exam. Publishing a memoir? Right place, right time. Giving relationship advice to you fine readers? Pure nepotism, obviously. (Spoiler: It’s not.)

It wasn’t until I found myself leading a tour group up a hidden trail in Acadia National Park, a frog in one hand and a notebook in the other, fielding questions about how tides impact coastal flora, that it hit me—I knew what I was talking about. I wasn’t faking it. I wasn’t pretending. I’d lived it, studied it, and, most importantly, I’d earned the right to share it.

Whether you’re in a new role at work, trying to figure out how to meet your partner’s family seamlessly, or justifying why you deserve a second date with that witty barista, impostor syndrome can creep in faster than a Maine tide. But here’s the thing: You belong. Let’s talk about how to feel it—and maybe even start to believe it.

The Self-Doubt Symphony – And Why It’s on Repeat

Impostor syndrome feels like being stuck in an off-key symphony you didn’t audition for. Its anthem? “You’re not good enough.” You know, that brain gremlin whispering, “What if they find out?” before a first date, a job interview, or posting that TikTok about your weirdly comprehensive knowledge of lobster mating habits (hey, it’s impressive).

For me, it sounded like this: “Who am I to write about relationships when I spent junior prom hiding in the bathroom, too afraid to talk to my crush?” Or, “What do I know about love when I literally once sabotaged a picnic date by serving lobster rolls to a guy allergic to shellfish?” (True story. He survived. Barely.)

But over time, I realized those embarrassing stories didn’t disqualify me—they made me human. And humans—with all our awkwardness, insecurities, and blunders—are actually experts in connection. Why? Because we crave it.

Embrace the Awkward

If we’re waiting to feel completely and utterly “ready” before we take a leap—whether into a new job, a new relationship, or out of bed on a rainy day—nothing will ever get done. (For instance, I might still be under my duvet, eating seaweed snacks and avoiding this very article.)

When you’re feeling fraudulent, remember this: Awkwardness isn’t the enemy. It’s the glue that bonds you to other humans. In fact, every expert had to start somewhere—it’s just that the internet doesn’t always show you their day one. Be willing to laugh at yourself and embrace the imperfections. Remember that time I confidently explained to a date that loons were nocturnal mammals? And he corrected me? On loons? I still cringe. But guess what? He thought it was adorable. (Also, loons are very much birds. Lesson learned.)

The next time impostor syndrome sneaks in, do something that scares you anyway. Ask someone out. Negotiate a salary raise. Say yes to karaoke, even if your go-to is a warbly rendition of “Don’t Stop Believin.’” You don’t have to be flawless to show up. You just have to be brave.

Learn to Lean on Lived Experience

Think of the understated wisdom you pack around without even realizing it. I grew up surrounded by tides, mossy forests, and people who valued hard work and humility. Being able to read ocean currents or figure out if a trail was worth taking wasn’t something I learned in a classroom; it was from years of showing up, sometimes failing, and trying again.

The same principle applies to relationships. You don’t need a PhD in psychology or fifty-perfect-first-dates-level experience to understand people. You’ve likely learned from heartbreaks, from moments you’re not proud of, or from figuring out how to repair strained friendships after saying something you didn’t mean. That’s expertise—and it’s valuable.

Instead of hyper-focusing on what you don’t know, think of the lessons you’ve already carried into your current relationships or challenges. (Pro tip: If someone enjoyed your company last week, they'll likely do so again this week. They’re not lying about liking you. Take the win.)

Redefine “Expert”

We’ve been taught to associate expertise with starched lab coats, letters after someone’s name, or flawless Instagram highlight reels. But let’s get real—expertise isn’t always data models or airbrushed superiority. It’s lived, messy wisdom. It’s learning how to navigate mom’s overly honest commentary at Thanksgiving dinner with your new boo. It’s knowing your partner likes their tea with too much sugar and their toast barely singed.

And hey, practice counts, too. A park ranger doesn’t earn their title by reading about trees in an office—they hike, camp, and maybe, yes, get poison ivy once or twice. They learn by doing, so why shouldn’t you? Whether it’s dating, loving someone, or even becoming the confident version of yourself, your mistakes are just chapters in your manual—useful, hilarious, humbling chapters.

Practical Tips for Dismantling Doubt

Let’s ground this in practicality with a few strategies I wish someone had told me back when I was second-guessing myself into oblivion:

  1. Reframe Negative Thoughts: Instead of “I’m not good enough,” try thinking, “I’m learning.” Sounds cheesy on a Pinterest level, but reframing changes everything.
  2. Write Down Wins: Keep a journal or sticky note habit where you jot down small victories. First hike of the season? Handled confrontation with your boss? Replied to the dreaded, “So...what are we?” All wins.
  3. Find Your Anchors: Surround yourself with people who hype you up when doubt creeps in. Look for cheerleaders, not critics—and they don’t need pom-poms.
  4. Let Go of Perfection: Spoiler alert, perfection isn’t attainable. If it were, I’d have turned that guy’s shellfish allergy into dreamy photos under a lighthouse. (Interesting headline, though: “Writer Accidentally Poisons Date.” A for effort?)
  5. Fake It Faithfully: Even experts feel unprepared sometimes. The secret? Act like you trust yourself, and eventually, you will.

You Belong—Start Acting Like It

Let me leave you with this: no one wakes up one day feeling 100% like they have it all together. Not even Beyoncé, who probably also burned toast once or cried over a weird text. It's okay to not feel ready. The trick is showing up anyway. Put on the hiking boots, or the date-night red sweater, or the imaginary “expert” hat and own it. Fill the world with your wonderfully awkward, not-even-close-to-perfect self.

Because out here, in relationships, careers, and life at large, there’s no final exam for belonging. You've already passed by being here and trying. Like the ever-changing Maine tides, you'll rise—ready or not.

And when someone asks you how you got good at this whole life thing, you can just smile, shrug, and say: “Oh, you know, a mix of falling down, getting up, and learning along the way. Like walking on slippery rocks—and occasionally a miracle tie-dye sunset."