The Craziest Place I’ve Ever Been

Let me set the scene: it’s 6:00 PM in Scottsdale, a sweltering August evening, and I’m standing in front of a place called The Mystery Mansion. As a kid raised on gated community comforts and resort brunches, I was not prepared for what I would encounter inside. But when your second date picks an attraction with the word “mystery” in the title, and you're trying to seem adventurous (pro tip: don't lie about loving surprises), you go with it.

The Mystery Mansion promised thrills, puzzles, and teamwork—a so-called escape room experience. What I didn’t anticipate was how much this place would teach me about dating, relationships, and, well, the art of keeping your cool when someone’s yelling at you about fake cobwebs.

Let’s break it down.

Section 1: The Entrance (or, The Red Flag Zone)

We hadn’t even made it inside before things started to unravel. My date, who I’ll call Jordan (to protect the innocent), decided this would be “a blast.” Her exact words were, “It’s like The Hunger Games, but indoors!” Spoiler: This was not accurate.

The lobby smelled faintly of Axe body spray and bad decisions, and the receptionist handed us waivers that screamed you-won’t-sue-us-if-you-die. I signed mine while internally questioning every life choice that brought me here.

But relationships start at the entrance. You’re assessing compatibility: Are they funny? Thoughtful? Capable of not panicking under mildly stressful conditions? Unfortunately, I was also about to discover Jordan’s worst quality—she was aggressively competitive.

Section 2: The First Clue (aka, Hidden Agendas)

The room itself was decorated like a low-budget Scooby-Doo set: dusty bookshelves, a flickering chandelier, and a suspicious painting that definitely doubled as a secret passage. Our first puzzle involved finding a key hidden in plain sight.

Jordan immediately took charge, barking orders like she was in an action movie. “Check the bookcase for false shelves!” she shouted, while I poked aimlessly at a globe, hoping it would spin to reveal a secret lever. It didn’t.

Here’s a quick dating takeaway: how you face challenges together matters. Are they a teammate or a captain? A collaborator or a micromanager? Relationships work best when both people feel included and seen. If one of you is doing all the finding and solving (in life or a haunted mansion), things will get unbalanced fast.

Section 3: The Screaming Hour (or, Flirting Meets Survival Instincts)

About 20 minutes in, a bloodcurdling scream erupted from a hidden speaker, and “something” rustled in the corner. Now, I’m not what you’d call easily scared, but I may or may not have made a sound that resembled “yelp.” Jordan? Stone-faced. She was too busy solving a cipher to acknowledge the creepy doll suddenly glowing eerily in the corner.

Dating is full of these moments where vulnerability sneaks up on you. Whether it’s sharing your weird childhood quirks or admitting you can’t handle jump scares, being able to laugh at yourself (or, you know, recover from metaphorical screaming dolls) is key. I learned that night that a good date isn’t about how “tough” you are—it’s about how willing you are to embrace being your most ridiculous self.

Section 4: The (Un)necessary Drama

The Mystery Mansion’s final challenge involved a complicated riddle about a clock, a mirror, and a cryptic code etched into a skull. This, apparently, was Jordan’s time to shine. Unfortunately, her “shining” involved snapping at me when I pointed out a detail she missed.

“You’re not even helping!” she hissed, frustration bubbling over. I did not handle this elegantly. “I AM helping—I got us the magnifying glass, remember?” (Reader, I did NOT get the magnifying glass—it was on the table when we walked in.)

At that moment, things felt...tense. Too tense for what was essentially Dollar Store Indiana Jones roleplay.

Here’s the relationship insight: Conflict resolution isn’t always solved in the heat of the moment—and sometimes silly arguments about riddles are stand-ins for larger conversations about communication and teamwork. If you can't learn to handle conflict in the small stuff, you won’t stand a chance against the big challenges.

Section 5: The Exit (and the Awkward Reflection)

Spoiler alert: We did not escape. In fact, we were about five minutes from forcing a staff member to come in and kindly remind us how mirrors work (don’t ask).

As the escape room timer buzzed, our host returned, looking genuinely relieved we hadn’t destroyed the props.

On the ride home, Jordan and I faced an incredibly awkward silence. We were both embarrassed—for different reasons. For her, it was likely how the stress brought out her inner drill sergeant. For me, it was the realization that I am, deep down, someone who struggles with relinquishing control (and also fake glowing dolls).

We didn’t last much longer after that date. Mystery Mansion was where I realized we approached life’s puzzles very differently. But, in its bizarre, chaotic way, it also taught me something important: dating isn’t about finding someone who always “wins” with you. It’s about being curious enough to uncover one another’s strengths and patient enough to navigate their quirks—whether or not you escape the metaphorical (or literal) room.

Section 6: Lessons from the Escape Room of Life

To wrap up, here’s what The Mystery Mansion Experience taught this desert-dwelling romantic about relationships:

  • Pick a partner, not a boss. Dates (like escape rooms) work best when neither person is monopolizing the experience. Healthy relationships are about balance, shared input, and mutual respect.
  • Laugh at the chaos. Whether you’re solving life’s puzzles or just surviving jump scares, a sense of humor carries you through the messiest moments.
  • Communicate, even when it’s awkward. If I’d told Jordan earlier that I loathe competitive environments, maybe she wouldn’t have pushed so hard. If she’d told me patience wasn’t her strong suit, we could’ve approached things differently.

So, go ahead and say yes to surprising places—haunted mansions, desert hikes, or upscale cocktail bars you secretly find intimidating. Be curious about people, how they think, how they act under pressure. It may lead to deeper connections or just solidify what you don’t want in a partner. Either way, you win.

As for me? Next time, I’m suggesting mini-golf. At least there, I’ll know what to do with the glowing objects.