The Things I Can’t Live Without
1. A Notebook That Feels Like an Old Friend
There’s a comfort in flipping through a notebook worn from use, its pages brimming with chicken-scratch handwriting, half-yelled epiphanies, and doodles of questionable quality. For me, it’s not just a notebook—it’s a traveling confidant. Growing up in Beijing, surrounded by shelves sagging under the weight of books, I learned the magic of writing things down early. My parents, both professors, encouraged me to capture my thoughts, whether it was about Tang Dynasty poems or my middle school crush who once borrowed my eraser and never returned it (yes, I’m still bitter).
We all need a way to process life, especially when it feels like you’re in an indie movie montage that refuses to end. A notebook lets me slow the swirl of modern relationships, where text messages carry cryptic meanings, and “likes” on social media are a currency of flirtation. Whether I’m scribbling how I felt when someone leaned in just a little too close during dinner or plotting an imaginary Rom-Com starring me and the stranger on the subway, my notebook is my wingman, therapist, and time capsule.
Pro tip: Pick one that’s sturdy but forgiving, like a good relationship. Bonus points if it has a leather cover and smells faintly like a library.
2. Tea: My Liquid Wisdom
Beijing winters are unforgiving, and in my childhood home, tea wasn’t just a beverage—it was a ceremony. My parents would sit, steaming cups in hand, and debate everything from ancient Chinese dynasties to whether their favorite character in the latest drama made the “right” romantic decisions. (Spoiler: They were usually both wrong, but would die on their respective hills.) That warmth, both literal and metaphorical, stuck with me.
These days, tea is my antidote to the whirlwind of modern love. Feeling anxious before a date? Brew some jasmine tea and remember that you’re fabulous, no matter what. Ghosted after what you thought was The One? A good Pu’er can help you channel those tears into something less soul-draining. Tea’s like the best friend who says, “You’re a disaster,” but hands you a blanket first.
For maximum effect, pair tea with moments of quiet introspection. Sit by the window. Watch the snow fall—or let’s be real, scroll TikTok while pretending to journal. Either way, tea’s got your back.
3. Songs That Make You Feel Seen
Music and love are intertwined, like lyrics that spill out of you when you’re drunk on too many feelings (or too many cocktails). My playlist is an emotional rollercoaster: Teresa Teng’s “The Moon Represents My Heart” for the soft pang of nostalgia, Beyoncé’s “Love on Top” for sheer serotonin, and, yes, Celine Dion for belting in my apartment when nobody’s listening. Growing up with a mix of traditional Chinese ballads and Western pop hits, I learned early on that music translates across every love language.
In my worst breakup—which involved a guy who thought “communication” was optional—I leaned heavily into sad songs. Every note felt like a hug crossed with an uppercut. But somewhere between “All By Myself” and Adele’s third chorus, you realize: heartbreak is universal, but so is healing.
Pro dating tip: Set the mood. Romantic dinners, solo adventures, or just the post-date “What do I text now?” panic deserve their own soundtracks. Think of your playlist as your mood board for life.
4. Access to Dim Sum Whenever Possible
There’s no dopamine hit quite like popping a soup dumpling in your mouth without burning your tongue. Dim sum is conversational, playful, and unpretentious—everything a good date should be. Growing up, dim sum was how my family bonded during trips to Shanghai. To this day, sharing a bamboo steamer full of shrimp dumplings feels as intimate as peeling an orange for someone you love (bonus points if they laugh at your mediocre peeling skills).
If you’re not sure where a relationship is headed, test it over dim sum. Can they chopstick a dumpling without creating chaos? More importantly, do they let you have the last piece? Food is the universal love language, and anyone who appreciates the artistry of a perfect custard bun is bound to understand relationships require care.
Take note: dim sum is also a safety net for awkward pauses on first dates. No one expects deep conversation when you’re too busy figuring out if that mystery dumpling has shrimp or pork.
5. A Story I Can Get Lost In
I’m a sucker for stories that curl up around you like a warm blanket, the kind where you forget your coffee’s gone cold (or that you’re still waiting for a certain someone to text you back). Whether it’s Gabriel García Márquez spinning magic or a 90s rom-com reminding us that love makes us all ridiculous, stories give me perspective. Growing up around parents who treated history like the ultimate soap opera, I learned that every relationship is a story in progress—sometimes funny, sometimes tragic, and, hopefully, worth rereading.
When modern dating feels like swiping through an ad catalog, stories bring me back to earth. They remind me there’s beauty in the small stuff: a shared glance at a bookstore or splitting an umbrella during unexpected rain (yes, I’m a romantic cliché). If life’s a narrative, wouldn’t you want to be the main character who refuses to settle for less?
Ask yourself this: are you writing a page-turner, or are you stuck rereading a chapter that doesn’t deserve you? Protagonist energy is a game-changer.
6. A Good Pair of Shoes—Metaphorically and Literally
A lifetime of walking Beijing’s hutongs taught me two things: One, cobblestones are the enemy. Two, the shoes you choose say more about you than your résumé ever will. I once wore heels on a first date because I wanted to “dress to impress.” Big mistake. By the time dessert rolled around, I was practically limping, convinced the guy thought I walked like an injured flamingo. Spoiler: there wasn’t a second date.
Now, I choose practicality disguised as elegance. (Think sneakers that say “I woke up like this” or boots that suggest you could conquer both hearts and mountains.) A good pair of shoes is like a stable relationship—it supports you, never rubs you the wrong way, and fits you perfectly without trying too hard.
Dating might be unpredictable, but at least your footwear doesn’t have to be.
7. Perspective—and a Little Humor
No matter how much I wish life came with a manual, it doesn’t. Every time I think I’ve figured out relationships, some unexpected plot twist proves me wrong. And yet, there’s something freeing in that. My parents used to say, “Perspective is the difference between tragedy and comedy.” Whenever I’d cry about a failed crush, my mom would remind me that even heartbreak enriches the narrative of your life. (Though at the time, I just wanted revenge.)
Now that I’m older—and only marginally wiser—I realize how important it is to look at things with a pinch of humor. Dating has its farcical moments: the awkward silences, mismatched expectations, or the time someone mispronounced “macchiato” so badly that the barista looked personally offended. Laughing at the absurdity doesn’t minimize the mess—it just makes it bearable.
Closing Thoughts
The things I can’t live without are less about the objects themselves and more about what they’ve taught me. A notebook to reflect, songs to feel, and tea to soothe. Shoes and stories to walk me through life’s twists, dim sum for shared moments, and the perspective to laugh through it all. Relationships, like life, aren’t about perfection. They’re about the little rituals and reminders that anchor us when the world (or our hearts) gets overwhelming.
Whatever love looks like for you, remember: you’re allowed to rewrite the script, pause the soundtrack, or brew the tea twice before it’s just right. You’re building your story—and it’s already worth the read.
