"There’s no way I belong here."

If you’ve ever screamed this inside your own head after landing a new job, stepping into a big moment, or even starting a promising new relationship, then congratulations and welcome to the Impostor Syndrome Club. Membership perks include overanalyzing your every move, spiraling into self-doubt, and attributing any success to luck. If that sounds miserable—well, it is. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be.

I know this because I’m a recovering impostor myself. For years, I operated under the assumption that someone—anyone—more qualified, more confident, more not me should be doing the cool things I was somehow invited to do. But experience taught me that even when you feel like an impostor, your story isn’t finished yet. You can grow, improve, and even take a starring role in your own life. So, let’s talk about how I went from a shy kid in suburban Utah, terrified of messing things up, to someone who actually believes in their own abilities (most of the time, at least). And along the way, I’ll share a few tips to help you let go of your own self-doubt.

The First-Year Fraud Phase

Back in college, I got my first “Are you sure I belong here?” moment when I declared my Religious Studies major. Picture a quiet, not-so-confident 19-year-old sitting in a seminar with students who could probably write essays using three different ancient languages. Meanwhile, I was just a kid who liked reading Marilynne Robinson novels and thinking Big Thoughts. For most of year one, I felt like a guy walking into an art museum holding a half-eaten box of chicken nuggets. “How did I even get here?” I’d think, any time someone used the word “epistemological.”

And then, one late night after procrastinating yet another essay (classic Caleb), I had a breakthrough. I was staring down one of those dense academic readings that felt like trying to chew granite, and it clicked: I didn’t have to come into this knowing everything. I just needed to start where I was. I wrote my essay in my own words, messy but sincere, and guess what? My professor called it “thoughtful and promising.” It wasn’t perfect, but it was mine.

The takeaway here? Don’t wait to feel like an expert before you begin. Whether you’re starting a new career or learning how to navigate a serious relationship, trust that where you are right now is enough. Expertise, just like connection, is built over time.

Permission to Be Bad (Hint: Everyone Starts That Way)

Here’s the truth no one really tells you: being “bad” at something doesn’t mean you’re inherently not meant for it. When I started teaching creative writing workshops, I thought it was just a matter of time before someone pulled me aside and whispered, “Yeah, we made a mistake. There’s the door.” My first class was an awkward blur of fumbled instructions and nervous laughter (mostly mine). Yet, by the end, a student came up and said something I’ll never forget: “I’ve never thought of writing that way before—it kind of unlocked something for me.”

That stuck with me. Because being bad at something doesn’t disqualify you. People are way kinder than we give them credit for. They don’t expect perfection—they want authenticity. They want you to show up.

Here’s a tip: Give yourself a grace period. Whether it’s the first three months on a job, the first six months of being a step-parent, or the first year of building a new skill, let yourself grow into it. Think of it like hiking: the first mile might leave you gasping for air and questioning why you ever left your couch, but the view gets better as you go.

Comparison: The Thief of Everything Good

Let’s be real: comparison is the original kryptonite. It’s why scrolling through Instagram can tank your self-esteem faster than eating gas station sushi. Early in my career, I had writer friends who seemed to be publishing everywhere—while I was over here quietly Googling “how to write a pitch email” for the eighth time. It stung when I saw their announcements and big bylines. I’d wonder, “Do I even belong in this circle? Should I find a safer dream?”

But then I remembered something my dad said when we were hiking one summer: “Watch your own feet. That’s the only way you make it to the summit.” If you focus too much on what everyone else is doing—how fast they’re moving, how far ahead they seem—you’ll freeze up.

Pro tip: Turn envy into curiosity. Instead of dwelling on someone else’s success, ask yourself, “What can I learn from them?” Maybe they’re great at networking, or they’ve honed a specific skill you can improve. Take notes, but don’t lose sight of your path.

Fake It (With Compassion)—Then Build It For Real

You’ve probably heard the phrase “fake it till you make it,” but let’s tweak that a bit: fake it till you find compassion for yourself. Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with bluffing a little confidence when you’re trying to get your footing. But instead of putting all your energy into maintaining a façade, use that time to build the skills and mindset that make confidence real.

For me, that meant showing up week after week to write, even when the words felt clunky. It meant submitting essays I was sure would be rejected—because, let’s be honest, half the battle is simply not quitting. And along the way, I realized something game-changing: confidence comes less from knowing you’ll succeed and more from knowing you’ll keep going, no matter what.

Ask yourself: What’s the smallest, most manageable step I can take today toward becoming the person I want to be? Take that step. Then tomorrow, take the next one. You don’t have to build Rome in a day; you just have to lay one brick.

Real Growth Looks Messy

If there’s one takeaway from this whole impostor-to-expert journey, it’s that self-growth doesn’t arrive like a Hollywood training montage—complete with triumphant music and flawless execution. It’s messy, awkward, and full of moments where you feel like you’re failing. But it’s also deeply rewarding.

Think of a healthy relationship: It’s not the glossy Instagram photos that make it meaningful—it’s the late-night conversations when you sort through hard stuff together. It’s learning to embrace the imperfections. The same applies to finding confidence in yourself. You don’t become the best version of you in a clean straight line. You stumble, you learn, and you keep trying.

Take This With You

Still feeling a little impostor-y? That’s okay. Honestly, impostor syndrome can be a sign that you’re growing and stretching beyond your comfort zone. But here’s your final pep talk for the road: You don’t have to feel like an expert to make an impact. You don’t have to know everything to belong. Keep showing up. Keep learning. Keep going.

Because guess what? Somewhere out there, someone’s looking at you thinking, “Wow, they’re really doing it. Must be nice to be that confident.” And little do they know—you’re just figuring it out, too.

None of us are perfect, but we’re all capable. And that, my friend, will take you further than any shortcut ever could.