It started with snack breaks. Picture me, a freshly minted high school lit teacher in Queens, standing in front of thirty teenagers, trying to make a case for the brilliance of Shakespeare while also deciding if Doritos or a granola bar would power me through fourth period. These, my friends, were humble beginnings.
The leap from managing Julius Caesar debates to penning articles about relationships and human connections wasn’t instant. But if there’s one thing my journey has taught me, it’s this: where you start doesn’t determine how far you can go. Growth—whether personal or romantic—is never a straight line. And sometimes, appreciating the extraordinary is just about learning to see it in the ordinary.
Let’s rewind.
Lagos to Brooklyn: Finding My Rhythm in Chaos
Growing up in Lagos was about big energy. My siblings and I were a noisy crew that made our apartment feel like a Nollywood movie set. Then came Brooklyn—a world of fire escapes, hip-hop rhythms, and endless ambition. At eight years old, I didn’t understand culture shock as a concept, but boy, I lived it.
My dad opened a corner store; my mom worked long shifts as a nurse. Their love? It wasn’t flashy, but it was sturdy, woven into shared purpose and hard work. Back then, I didn’t romanticize it. But looking back, their ability to laugh over jollof rice after a 14-hour day taught me something crucial: resilience can be deeply romantic.
If you’re navigating those early dating days or the messy middle of a long-term relationship, think of my parents. Sure, you probably won’t bond over balancing two immigrant jobs, but the lesson’s the same: shared effort breeds connection. Play a team sport with your partner—figuratively or literally. Relationships rooted in mutual collaboration? That’s next-level extraordinary.
From Literature to Life: Learning About Love Through Stories
When I went off to college to study English Literature, my reading list was a passport. Achebe gave me cultural pride; Baldwin, grit. Zadie Smith made me appreciate how messy and delightful human relationships are. But it was teaching these stories to teenagers—a group known for their unfiltered commentary—that truly broadened my perspective on relationships.
Take, for instance, one of my classroom debates about “Pride and Prejudice.” A 15-year-old once deadpanned, “Why didn’t Elizabeth Bennet just swipe left on Darcy after the first drama?” I laughed and explained that in Regency-era England, swiping wasn’t an option. But their point stood; first impressions are messy. Darcy’s transformation, powered by vulnerability and actual effort, is what made him a swoon-worthy romantic hero.
The takeaway? People can surprise you. Relationships deepen when you let go of assumptions and give space for growth. Sure, Darcy had a mansion and a brooding vibe. But his real charm? Emotional maturity. So, take note: arrogance isn’t sexy; accountability is.
Unconventional Love Stories Are Underrated
As a writer today, I’m obsessed with telling stories outside cookie-cutter romance tropes. Maybe it’s my year in London, sipping overpriced tea while reading Audre Lorde, or my own experiences of stumbling into moments of connection when I least expected it—but I love the unexpected twists in life and love.
One unforgettable moment? Date night with friends in Brooklyn, where the “fairy-tale ending” involved a late-night walk, a bodega beef patty, and someone laughing so hard they doubled over. (Pro tip: laughter is underrated foreplay.) These are the kinds of stories that linger. Not the overproduced moments, but the human, raw ones.
Your relationship doesn’t need a rom-com soundtrack to be extraordinary. Maybe you’re building IKEA furniture together or discussing the ethical merits of pineapple on pizza. Celebrate that. The magic of love often lies in its unfiltered authenticity.
The Ordinary-Extraordinary Toolkit
Okay, let’s break it down. If you’re looking to appreciate your relationships—or yourself—here are a few hacks to transform ordinary moments into extraordinary ones:
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Curiosity Is Everything.
When was the last time you asked your partner a genuine, open-ended question? Or even asked yourself something reflective? Whether you’re dating, newly committed, or years into a marriage, curiosity fuels connection. (Bonus tip: skip the small talk. “What’s your most irrational childhood fear?” is always a winner.) -
Celebrate Micro-Wins.
Maybe you cooked a meal together without setting off the smoke alarm, or finally tackled that annoying DIY project. These little moments? They’re gold. Pause, acknowledge them, and toast your success—even if it’s just with tap water in coffee mugs. -
Embrace Rituals.
Growing up Nigerian taught me the power of tradition, like family prayers at night or Sunday suya runs. Translate that into your relationships: have a go-to binge-watch series, a monthly “no-phone” dinner, or your infamous inside jokes. Rituals anchor connection. -
Be Extra About Gratitude.
In Lagos, saying thank you wasn’t casual. We oversaid it—with head nods, small prayers, and big smiles. Want your love to feel extraordinary? Express gratitude with your whole chest. Be honest, specific, and unapologetically loud about it. -
Play More.
Relationships thrive when you don’t take yourself too seriously. Challenge your partner to a dance-off, host a trivia night with ridiculous stakes, or rediscover your childhood hide-and-seek skills. Whatever you do, weave joy into your routine.
From “Good on Paper” to “This Is Us”
Here’s the thing: love doesn’t show up polished or perfect. Sometimes it’s more 90s sitcom than Hollywood blockbuster—awkward, silly, but gut-level comforting. Think about it this way: a great relationship isn’t a Sharpie version of your Pinterest “dream partner” board. It’s the person who’ll stay up late eating cereal with you—out of the big mixing bowl—just because the conversation is that good.
If my journey taught me anything about love, it’s this: extraordinary doesn’t require bells and whistles. It’s about showing up when it matters, growing together, and making room for each other’s evolving, imperfect selves.
So go ahead—take that ordinary moment, be it assembling flat-pack furniture or sharing last bites of dessert, and revel in it. Trust me, that’s the stuff extraordinary is made of.
