When I was a kid growing up in Boise’s North End, I thought an “extraordinary” life meant taming the Wild West—or at least figuring out how to survive my mom’s experimental craft beers with names like “Hoppy Ending.” We weren’t jet-setting to exotic locations as a family or making headlines, but looking back, there was a quiet magic in those small moments: pulling weeds in my grandparents’ potato fields, walking downtown with my dad as he explained the complexities of fermentation, or fishing by the Boise River while the sky turned a watercolor kind of orange.

It was only later, as I stumbled awkwardly into adulthood—armed with what I thought were big dreams and even bigger insecurities—that I realized ordinary isn’t something you should try to escape. Instead, it’s where everything worth knowing begins. Somewhere between who we are on our most typical days and who we dream of becoming is where extraordinary lives are built. And, surprise, it’s usually less about money or prestige and way more about connection.

So, let’s talk about turning those “ordinary” moments into something extraordinary—not by running out to join a marching band or climbing Machu Picchu tomorrow, but by reshaping how we approach the relationships in our lives. Whether you’re forging new connections, deepening existing ones, or rediscovering yourself, your journey is far more epic than you think.

Rewrite Your Definition of "Extraordinary"

Movies love to sell us the idea of extraordinary as a grand, cinematic arc: two people locking eyes across the dance floor, a sudden romantic kiss in the rain while Ryan Gosling plays the lead. But most of life doesn’t look like that. In reality, the rain ruins your hair, and your cheap sneakers squelch awkwardly as you jog to find shelter. And yet, there’s nothing ordinary about that soggy moment if you’re standing next to someone worth knowing—or if you’re noticing what it feels like to get completely drenched simply because you let yourself slow down and watch the storm.

Too often, we chase milestones and skip over the small steps that matter. Years ago, when I spent a summer shivering in a Chicago studio apartment (decorated exclusively with garage-sale finds and a mouse problem), I felt worlds away from the life I wanted for myself. But something changed when I started savoring moments like catching the L train during golden hour or striking up genuinely curious conversations with Chicagoans at local diners. Those tiny sparks of connection shifted the way I operated—making me realize the so-called “ordinary” days often packed more meaning than the career milestones I’d been chasing.

The same goes for our relationships. Those quiet, unassumingly real conversations over coffee. The way someone laughs at your underrated Ace Ventura impression. These are the extraordinary building blocks we overlook in the supposed rush to get to something bigger.

Embrace Cringe: Why Authenticity Will Always Beat Trying Too Hard

Here’s the thing no one tells you in your endless quest to stand out: Cringe is underrated. Yep, I said it. It’s way better to show up as shamelessly, hilariously yourself than aim for some unattainable version of perfection.

Two years ago, during a road trip to Denver, I decided to do something radically outside my comfort zone: openly admit that I was deeply, deeply bad at directions. My grand attempt at navigating us through the Colorado wilderness nearly ended in New Mexico. But that confession over trail mix and a slightly bent map prompted my friend to share her own insecurities about forever misreading people’s emotions. The whole experience became a bonding moment—not because of where we were going (we never made it to the destination, by the way), but because neither of us tried to be anything other than utterly flawed and laughably bad at road trips.

Whether you're navigating a new relationship or enduring a painfully awkward double date, try leaning into your quirks. No need to hide your penchant for ‘90s rom-com movie trivia or your habit of oversharing about your cat’s dietary needs. When we give ourselves permission to just "be," others are more likely to relax and reciprocate. Trust me—authentic beats polished nine times out of ten.

Go Deeper, Not Wider

We live in a “more, more, more” world—more followers, more swipes, more casual connections. But honestly, when was the last time we slowed down and really invested in the relationships that matter most? Call it a reflection of Boise’s slower pace or the fact that meals on my grandparents’ farm took hours because everyone stayed around for “just one more story,” but I’ve always believed depth over quantity wins every time.

So, what does going deeper look like? Here are a few principles that can make every interaction—and every connection—count:

  • Listen Like You Mean It: Put down your phone and pay actual attention. It sounds basic, but real listening is rare and powerful.
  • Ask Better Questions: Swap “What’s up?” for “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “What’s something you’ve been really excited about recently?" Thoughtful questions can spark conversations that stick with both of you.
  • Follow Through: If someone opens up about their wild dream of learning banjo, check in a month later to see if they’ve taken the plunge. Consistency builds trust.

These strategies don’t just apply to romantic relationships—they work for friendships, co-workers, and yes, even your parents (who secretly love being asked how they’re really doing).

The Power of Being Present

When I think back to the most extraordinary connections I’ve had, none of them happened when I was obsessing over “what’s next.” The love story of my parents? It grew out of long evenings tinkering with new brewery recipes together—person by person, pint by pint. My grandparents didn’t build their potato farm while scrolling Instagram thinking about someone else’s glossy highlight reel; they found joy in sharing each harvest with extended family. Even the quiet moments spent hiking in Boise’s foothills with friends remind me that the best things happen when you drop the noise and just focus on what’s right in front of you.

Presence isn’t something you stumble into occasionally. It’s a skill worth building. When we show up fully, the relationships in our lives deepen naturally—whether we’re in hour one of the chat or year ten of the partnership. Next time you’re tempted to multitask during a phone call or mentally rehearse your next meeting during a date, gently remind yourself of this: extraordinary lives are built by stringing together moments of unwavering attention.

From Familiar to Fascinating

Here’s the truth: you don’t need a grand plan or an elaborate list of 100 things to do before you turn 30 to make life extraordinary. Often, the best connections and the biggest joys come from the people, passions, and places you already know—just seen with fresh eyes. Take what feels routine and invest in its quiet potential. Maybe that means revisiting your favorite childhood trail. Maybe it’s playfully teasing your partner as they attempt the worst chili recipe in history. Maybe it’s simply smiling more in line for coffee.

The point? You’ve already got the ingredients for an extraordinary life. Stop waiting for some big external shift and start engaging with what’s already in front of you. There’s nothing wrong with being ordinary—because if you look closely, “ordinary” is where the best stories are written. And trust me: when you succeed in doing that? It won’t just be extraordinary—it’ll feel like home.