I still remember the moment it hit me: I was replaying texts from a group chat that felt as dry as day-old Cuban bread. You know, the kind that crumbles under pressure? It wasn’t that anyone had said anything hurtful or crossed a line. It was just... shallow, like a whisper of connection where there should’ve been a soulful shout. I realized then that I was chasing something I didn’t quite have yet—a community, a tribe, my people.

It felt like a breakup, honestly. The kind where you’re not mad, just quietly sad. Because finding your people—a chosen family who gets your quirks, shares your values, and doesn’t judge you when you cry over Pixar movies—isn’t just a nice-to-have. It’s essential. We’re wired for connection, even if the wiring sometimes feels more “DIY” than ready-made.

So, how did I go from feeling alone in my group chat to toasting mojitos with friends who truly see me? Here’s the story, along with what I learned along the way.

Step One: Admit When It’s Not Working

Here’s the thing no one tells you: You can have a ton of friends and still feel lonely. Like, Sex and the City brunch levels of “catching up,” but zero moments of real depth. I had buddies to go out with, group hangs to ward off weekend boredom, but when life got hard—career bumps, family stress, those deep-in-your-soul doubts—I didn’t know who to call.

At first, I ignored the feeling. After all, what did I have to be sad about? But forcing relationships to “work” is like trying to salsa dance in heels a size too small: painful, wobbly, and guaranteed to end with you tripping over yourself. Sometimes, admitting that the people around you aren’t fully your people is the bravest first step you can take.

Reflection Point:
Ask yourself, Do I feel seen, heard, and supported by the people in my life? If the answer is “not really,” it’s time to dig deeper.

Step Two: Embrace the Awkward Phase

What they don’t show in movies is how painfully awkward it is to find your tribe. When Harry met Sally, did he also meet ten questionable friends along the way who ghosted him after one hangout? Probably.

For me, it started with saying “yes” to more. Yes to book clubs (even though I hadn’t read the book). Yes to saying hi to the girl at my yoga studio who smiled every time I rolled up my mat late. Yes to community volunteering events, where I awkwardly overexplained my love for planting mangroves. I won’t lie; half of these “yes” moments didn’t lead to anything life-changing. But they softened me, helped me practice being open. And eventually, one “yes” led to drinks with a new friend who introduced me to someone who would become my go-to FaceTime buddy during Hurricane Ian.

Lesson Learned:
If meeting new people feels like awkward middle school lunch table energy, push through. Every “Yikes, was I too weird?” moment is a step toward finding your people.

Step Three: Look for Shared Values, Not Just Hobbies

Initially, I thought the problem was that I hadn’t found my kind of people. You know, like looking for a club where everyone loves both Celia Cruz and bad reality TV as much as I do. But I realized eventually that it’s not about hobbies—it’s about values. It’s about connecting with people who value kindness or curiosity the way you do, not necessarily sharing a spreadsheet of identical Spotify playlists.

Take my friend group now. I’ve got one queen of conspiracy theories who believes the moon landing was filmed on a backlot in Hollywood, another friend who reads Jane Austen on her lunch breaks, and a marathon runner who can’t sit still for a two-hour movie. On paper, nothing matches. But we click because there’s a shared authenticity. No pretending, no layers of coolness—just realness.

Practical Tip:
When meeting new people, look beyond surface-level similarities. Shared values are the glue. Ask yourself: Can I show up as my full, messy self with this person?

Step Four: Don’t Fear the Friend Breakup

This might be the toughest pill to swallow, but it’s one all of us have to face: Sometimes, finding your people means letting go of others. Not every friendship is meant to last forever. I had to learn this the hard way after realizing I was holding on to people out of habit rather than connection. Like the friend who interrupted every heartfelt conversation with, “Have you seen that TikTok where…” or the person who could openly dish about my drama but clammed up (like a croqueta at a bad beachside café) when it came to their own.

Letting go was hard, but eye-opening. It doesn’t mean you stop caring about those people; it just means you make room for new, more aligned connections.

Mantra to Remember:
Sometimes, you outgrow relationships—and that’s okay. Growth isn’t personal; it’s universal.

Step Five: Invest in the Long Game

After all the trial and error, I finally stumbled into “my people”—a group of imperfect, hilarious, deeply kind souls who became my anchors. But here’s what nobody tells you: Once you find your tribe, you’ve got to nurture it. Like a thriving plant, a good friendship needs occasional watering.

I learned to show up—even when life got busy. I sent memes when I didn’t have time for full conversations. I celebrated their wins, from work promotions to tiny victories like finally assembling an IKEA shelf without tears. And I let them see me fully—the good, the bad, and the “I ate an entire box of plantains because my week was trash” moments. Vulnerability is what solidifies connection.

Pro Tip:
Friendship is reciprocal. Make an effort, check in, celebrate, and, maybe most importantly, let yourself be celebrated.

Conclusion: Finding Your People is Worth the Effort

At its core, finding your people is like any relationship journey—it’s messy, requires patience, and at some point, you’ll question whether it’s worth the effort. Spoiler alert: It absolutely is.

Now, when I get a group text, it’s not just updates about someone’s dog or vague “Miss you!”s. It’s real connection. The kind where you make dinner plans without worrying about saying something wrong or showing up late. The kind where being yourself is enough.

So, if you’re in that place where you’re questioning your connections or unsure whether your village is out there, let me remind you: Your people are waiting. You might have to say a few uncomfortable yeses, endure some awkward coffee dates, and maybe even ghost a toxic group text or two. But trust me, the feeling of finally looking at your circle and thinking, These are my people, makes it all worth it. Go find them—you’ve got this.