There I was, staring at my laptop like it held the secrets of the universe, except this particular secret was how to describe myself without sounding like an egomaniac or, worse, hopelessly boring. My mission? Create an online dating profile that would showcase my personality—fun, quirky, romantic—but also not scare anyone away. At the time, I wasn’t sure whether I was writing a personal ad or auditioning for “The Bachelor,” but I knew one thing: what I wrote would determine whether someone swiped left or right on my future.

Let me tell you about the moment it all clicked—the moment I realized my approach to dating needed an overhaul. Spoiler alert: this shift changed my life. But more on that in a sec. First, let me set the scene.

Swipe Left on Who I Thought I “Should” Be

It was a late summer evening in Charleston, and I was fresh into my post-grad life. The kind of life where my day alternated between wondering whether I’d ever finish my novel and Googling, “How many hours is too many hours to binge-watch rom-coms?” Sitting at my candle-lit kitchen table with a glass of sweet tea (there’s always time for sweet tea), I opened my very first dating app account.

But here’s where things went south. My first instinct was to write a profile that sounded right, not one that actually reflected who I was. I went full “resume mode,” listing facts about myself like I was pitching to an employer. “Spelman grad. Writer. Frequent traveler. Lover of books and sunsets.” Technically true? Yes. But captivating? About as exciting as a middle school book report.

For someone who prided herself on storytelling, this was a complete fail. Worse, I started analyzing photos like a Vogue editor on deadline. Should I upload a beach pic so they’d think I’m adventurous? Or a black-and-white headshot for artsy vibes? Oh, and who could forget my inner voice whispering, “Ebony, for goodness’ sake, don’t choose that picture with the bonnet in the background!”

Eventually, I hit "publish" on that watered-down version of myself. What followed? Radio silence.

The Wake-Up Call We All Need

After a few weeks of lackluster conversations and matches who ghosted faster than Casper, I did some soul-searching. It was over brunch with my best friend, Keisha—a straight-talking oracle of good sense—who finally said it: “Girl, this isn’t you. Where’s the Ebony I know? You’re funny, whip-smart, a little weird…in the best way. Put all that in there! If they don’t get it, they’re not your guy.”

That’s when it hit me: dating profiles aren’t about impressing everyone. They’re about attracting your kind of person. By trying to be universally appealing (aka vanilla), I was failing to show what made me special. And let’s be real—if I couldn’t be myself on an app, how was I going to show up authentically in an actual relationship?

So, I went home and started over. But this time, I did it my way.

Crafting a Killer Online Dating Profile Without Losing Your Chill

If you’re stuck in the same “meh” loop I was, don’t worry. You just need to embrace who you are (yes, even the messy parts) and let your quirks shine. Here’s what I learned—and what you can steal for your own profile reboot:

1. Skip the Buzzwords, Speak Like a Human

“Passionate traveler. Lover of life. Here for fun and connection.” Y’all, these phrases are so overused most people skim right past them. Instead, think about how you’d describe yourself to a friend—or better yet, how they’d describe you.

Example:
Old Ebony: “Writer and bookworm, looking for romance.”
New Ebony: “Professional storyteller and amateur sweet tea sommelier. Will share fun facts about Charleston in exchange for pizza.”

2. Show, Don’t Tell

This is Dating App 101: Instead of writing “I have a great sense of humor,” write something that demonstrates it. Did you once host a crab boil where your cousin tried to name the crabs before cooking them? Drop that in there. People love little glimpses into your life.

Example:
“I’ll admit it—I laughed at my own joke…in this sentence.”

3. Be Specific (Even If It’s Random)

The little details are what make profiles stand out. Why say, “I love movies,” when you could say, “I’ll fight you over whether ‘Die Hard’ counts as a Christmas movie”? Whether it’s your favorite snack or your weird fear (mine’s frogs—don’t ask), the specifics help you come across as more you.

4. Use Photos That Show Your Personality

One smiling headshot? Absolutely. But make the other pictures something that reflects your life. Reading on a porch swing, dancing at a cousin’s wedding in slightly-too-tight heels, or (for me) walking along marshy Carolina paths with my camera—let your visuals tell a story.

Bonus tip: Looking “perfect” isn’t the goal. Confidence is. A gummy grin or accidental photo bomb (thanks, toddler nephew) can be far more charming than looking model-level polished.

5. Drop the “Rules” and Write from the Heart

The best profiles feel less like checklists and more like conversations. If you’re looking for depth, show it. Ask an open-ended question like, “What’s the last thing you learned that blew your mind?” Or if you're like me, end with something cheeky: “Swipe right if your sweet tea is sweeter than mine.”

The Match That Changed Everything

After revamping my profile to better reflect me—awkward jokes, bonnet photo in the background and all—I got a message from someone who immediately got my vibe. He didn’t just comment on my looks; he asked about that crab boil story. (Remember from earlier? The one about naming the crabs?) Turns out, he too grew up on the coast and had a deep appreciation for low-country humor.

That one conversation led to many others, and, while I didn’t meet my lifelong partner there, I did come away with unforgettable moments—and a new sense of what I truly wanted. More importantly, embracing my authentic self on a dating app taught me to do the same in real life.

A Final Note, From My Heart to Yours

This whole dating journey isn’t really about apps or algorithms; it’s about being brave enough to say, “Here I am. Take it or leave it.” And trust me: being fully, sometimes hilariously you? That’s how you attract someone who will truly love you.

So take a deep breath, put yourself out there, and remember Keisha’s words: “If they don’t get it, they’re not your person.”