They say life is full of “a-ha” moments, but whoever “they” are clearly never had to deal with an elderly Cuban grandmother throwing chancletas and unsolicited dating advice at them in the same breath. My pivotal moment didn’t come with a neatly tied bow or the soundtrack of a rom-com crescendo—it came with a burnt batch of buñuelos and a gut-check about authenticity.

It was 2012, smack in the middle of Miami’s kind of humid that makes your hair and self-esteem simultaneously frizz. I was sitting in Abuela Marta’s tiny kitchen, trying to explain online dating to a woman who thought “el Google” was also a person. I had just created my first dating profile, and I’d spent hours agonizing over every word. Should I say I love books or just name-drop Márquez? Do I look approachable or like I just survived Coachella in that profile pic? Should I mention I’m 5’2” upfront or save that for a “fun fact” later?

When Abuela asked what I was doing, I explained—and naturally showed off my perfectly curated profile. After squinting at the screen like it might bite her, she set down her ever-present wooden spoon, looked me dead in the eye, and said in Spanish, “This isn’t you. It’s like you’re decorating a cake no one’s going to eat.”

Ouch. But let me tell you, that sting? Total game changer. Here’s why.

Why We All Try to be a Perfect Cake (and Why It’s Exhausting)

We’ve all done it—tried to present the Instagram-filtered, award-winning, sparkliest version of ourselves. Online dating is like walking into a giant party where you only know yourself, and the pressure is ON to look cool, interesting, and like you’ve never once replied “haha, nice” in a text (guilty).

That day in the kitchen, I realized my profile was exactly what Abuela described: frosted with fluff. I was trying so hard to impress, I’d created a version of myself that... wasn’t exactly a lie, but wasn’t fully me either. I was being “Book Club Isabela” but left out “Binge-Watches Jane the Virgin While Eating Flan Isabela.”

Here’s the thing: trying to be someone else even a little bit is not only exhausting, it’s unnecessary. Pretending honeybee-level effortlessness when you’re running on three cafecitos and anxiety doesn’t impress anyone.

From “Impressive” to True: Abuela’s Recipe for Real Connections

That day marked a shift. I realized the key to standing out in a sea of online dating profiles wasn’t perfection—it was honesty. If crafting the perfect cake gets you nowhere, being your buñuelo-self just might. After a decade of swipes, likes, and awkward first dates, here are some practical tips for keeping your profile authentically you.

1. Your Bio = A Conversation, Not a Résumé

If your profile bio sounds like you’re auditioning for a job as someone’s partner, it’s time to adjust. Instead of listing your hobbies, try sharing them in a way that invites engagement. For example:
Don’t say: “I enjoy reading and going to concerts.”
Try this instead: “If reading thrillers at a reggaetón concert were possible, I’d already have tickets.”

This teaches the other person something about you and makes it easy for them to write back, “That’s oddly specific—tell me more?”

2. Your Photos Should Tell a Story

You don’t need pictures so polished they could hang in a gallery. Opt for a mix of:
- A clear shot of your face. (Think sitting at brunch on a sunny patio—your natural glow, not fluorescent lighting disasters.)
- A photo doing something you enjoy. Abuela would not approve of pretending to like hiking if your idea of being outdoorsy is sipping mojitos on a beachfront chaise.
- A candid that highlights your personality. Mine involved shooing a rooster off Abuela’s porch, but hey, your life might vary.

3. Know Your Non-Negotiables—and Stop Apologizing for Them

Early on, I was apologetic for things I thought made me less dateable. Do I go all-in on celebrating Nochebuena with my family-loud enough to shake the moon? Yeah. Does my playlist jump from Marc Anthony to Missy Elliott with zero warning? You bet. They’re part of who I am. Being upfront about your weird but wonderful quirks? Total power move.

Think of dating profiles as filters—not for people you need to impress, but for the ones who’ll read your quirks and think, “Yes! Finally, someone who also loves midnight taco runs.”

When “The Moment That Changed Everything” Meets Your Matches

After that conversation, I reworked my profile into something giddyingly me. That simple change turned dating into something different—it felt fun again. I told a story about who I was instead of who I thought I should be.

Years later, feel free to imagine me with freshly made buñuelos (yes, I learned not to burn them) and a guy who actually does love thrillers and reggaetón. Not every date since has been a win, but the journey got exponentially better once I showed up as me.

Your Moment of Change Starts Here

Dating can feel slippery. One minute you’re swiping like an Olympic sport; the next, you’re spiraling about whether ellipses make you seem too casual. But here’s the truth I learned in that kitchen long ago: The quest for perfection is the fastest way to lose yourself. And the moment you embrace who you really are? Magic happens.

So throw out that stale cake energy. Bring your messy, layered, sweet buñuelo vibes instead. Because somewhere out there, someone’s hungry for everything you already are.