The first time I sat down to craft an online dating profile, it felt like assembling a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing—and the remaining ones chewed up by a teething puppy. What do you say about yourself that’s honest but not oversharing? Clever but not cringe? Should I highlight my love of spicy fry bread or my penchant for quoting Buffy Sainte-Marie lyrics? “Oh,” I thought, staring at the blinking cursor, “this is about to be a disaster.”
Spoiler alert: It was.
Back in the day (read: several years ago), I matched with someone based on a profile that I now like to refer to as my Disaster Draft. In it, I described myself as an “adventurous lover of desert sunsets and devout aficionado of fine diners,” which somehow read less quirky and more... confusing. The match ended up ghosting me after two messages. Look, I deserved that one.
But that ghosting led me to a pivotal moment that genuinely changed the way I think about dating—online or otherwise. Spoiler alert again: It’s not just about finding someone who “gets” you. First, it’s about you getting you. And by dating app profile #3789 (give or take), I had learned a thing or two.
Let’s break it down:
What a Disaster Draft Taught Me About Authenticity
When I first launched myself onto the online dating scene, I made the rookie mistake of trying to sound like the Ideal Girl™—someone fascinating, low-maintenance, and mysterious. Like Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer but without the quirky bangs. I wrote about all the “cool” things I thought people wanted to hear: how I “live and breathe adventure” (I don’t, unless you count impromptu road trips for tacos) and how I’m super “laid-back” (again, not true—especially when the Wi-Fi cuts out).
Predictably, I didn’t land any meaningful matches. Why? Because pretending to be a desert-dwelling Bond girl with a dreamcatcher tattoo wasn’t exactly sustainable. Turns out, the energy you exude in your profile attracts the energy of your matches. If you’re putting on a façade, guess what? That’s who you’re going to end up talking to.
This was my first major lightbulb moment: Be weird. Be real. Be you. People connect with authenticity, not personas. So, yes, if you want to mention your very specific love of watching dramatic weather forecasts (me again!), go for it. Otherwise, you'll just attract people who are falling for a cardboard cutout version of you, not the real deal.
A Wi-Fi Outage and a Clarity Surge
So there I was, mid-profile overhaul, staring down another blank bio box when the universe (or whatever cosmically guides online dating life) threw me a curveball: the Wi-Fi went out. That would’ve been mildly annoying except I was working from home, in a town where even my nearest cell tower seemed to be on its lunch break. No distractions. Just me alone with my thoughts—and, more to the point, a chance to reflect on what I even wanted out of a relationship.
I did something then that might seem head-scratching in our app-obsessed world. I picked up an old-school, lined notebook and started listing all the non-negotiables and traits I value—both in myself and in a partner. Not shallow stuff like “must love dogs” (though... fair enough) but the deeper truths: kindness, humor, curiosity about the world. I jotted down the things that truly define me, too. Waking up early to see the sunrise when I’m back on the rez. Geeking out about new books on indigenous history. That one time I accidentally called out a guy for mispronouncing “Navajo” on a date, and instead of awkward silence, we ended up laughing for fifteen minutes.
Here’s the thing: Clarity strikes when you stop trying to mold yourself to the whims of potential matches. Paradoxically, the more you lean into fully owning you, the more you open the door for the right people to find you—and connect in a real way.
From Disaster to Dream: Crafting a Standout Profile
After that enlightening Wi-Fi-free journaling session, I approached my next profile with laser focus. It felt like less of a chore and more like writing a love letter to myself—and whoever was lucky enough to swipe right.
Whether you’re navigating the apps or considering jumping in, here are some tips I learned along the way (so you don’t end up writing “devout aficionado of fine diners”):
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Lead With a Story, Not a Résumé
Avoid laundry lists that make you sound like you’re interviewing for a regional sales director job. Instead of “I love hiking, movies, and pizza,” write something like, “I’m the kind of person who wakes up at dawn to hike (but only if there’s coffee after), won’t stop quoting movies from the early 2000s, and believes pineapples belong on pizza—fight me.” See? Now people have something to respond to. -
Be Honest Without Overloading Information
Sure, vulnerability is important, but save the deep childhood trauma for dates three (or five). Focus on sharing pieces of yourself that feel honest, but not too heavy for a first interaction. -
Show vs. Tell
Instead of saying, “I appreciate a sense of humor,” demonstrate your own humor—maybe include a one-liner about something ridiculous like why IKEA furniture instruction booklets are a dating dealbreaker for you. -
Reflect Your True Personality in Photos
Skip the sunglasses-in-every-pic aesthetic or overly edited images. Include photos of you doing things you love: hiking, cooking family recipes, dramatically losing at board games (or maybe winning, power move). Let potential matches see the human behind the pixels. -
Keep It Light but Impactful
End your profile on a note that invites conversation, like “Bonus points if you can suggest a killer birria taco spot” or “Swipe right if you can’t resist the ‘skip intro’ button when streaming.” Hint: This works better than vague send-offs like, “Let’s see where this goes...”
The Moment That Changed Everything
For me, the pivotal change wasn’t finding The One. It was realizing I didn’t need to try to be someone else to find them. When I rewrote my profile to reflect my full, quirky, sunrise-loving self, interactions shifted in a way that felt empowering. Instead of ghosters or surface-level conversations, I started meeting people who laughed at my corniest jokes, had thoughtful takes on cultural preservation, and weren’t afraid to wade into meaningful topics.
Did I marry someone I met on an app? Nope. (At least, not yet—stay tuned.) But I learned something invaluable: Dating, much like life, isn’t about perfection. It’s about connection—and that starts with connecting to yourself.
So if you’re stuck on writing your own profile, don’t overthink it. Channel your quirkiest energy, throw in a bit of humor, and remember this: The right match isn’t looking for “perfect.” They're looking for you.
Go swipe with confidence—and don’t forget to look up from the screen now and then. You might just be surprised where love sneaks in.
