Let’s be honest: none of us start out extraordinary. As much as I’d like to tell you I was born knowing how to compost, write sonnets, and keep houseplants alive, the truth is a little more, well, ordinary. My journey from the guy who tried to grow herbs in Starbucks cups (spoiler: terrible idea) to someone who now writes about the beautifully messy terrain of relationships has been anything but linear. And guess what? That’s the beauty of it. Because in love, personal growth, and the occasional failed sourdough starter, the extraordinary often begins with the humblest of origins.

So how do you go from ordinary to extraordinary—whether in love, self-discovery, or just learning how to parallel park without causing a scene? Let’s dive into the landmarks that have defined my own path.

Act I: Humble Beginnings (Or, Learning From Cringe-Worthy Moments)

Picture this: 15-year-old me, California sunshine bouncing off my braces, awkwardly attempting to navigate a high school “date.” (By “date,” I mean walking along the Santa Barbara pier, nervously clutching a shaved ice while overanalyzing everything I said.) Spoiler alert: it didn’t end with fireworks. But those kinds of clumsy beginnings taught me something invaluable: you don’t need the perfect start to get where you’re going.

Fast forward to college. I thought I was ready to take on adult romance. I was not. Between accidentally gifting a girl “ocean-scented” potpourri (why?) and attempting a couples yoga class where I realized I was laughably inflexible (literally and emotionally), I slowly started to realize something important: every moment counts, even the embarrassing ones. Every stumble teaches us how we want to show up—not as “perfect,” but as honest and open.

The truth? You become extraordinary not by avoiding the slip-ups, but by learning to laugh at them.

Takeaway: The most transformative moments come from embracing imperfection. Don’t let embarrassment stop you from putting yourself out there, whether romantically or otherwise. Growth thrives on awkward footing.

Act II: Finding Your “Extra”

The leap from ordinary to extraordinary isn’t some cinematic montage backed by an uplifting pop song. (I mean, we all wish it were, but Taylor Swift doesn’t just show up to narrate your glow-up.) Instead, it’s a subtle process of finding what makes you you: the quirks, passions, and perspectives that only you bring to the table. Spoiler: that’s the secret sauce in both love and life.

For me, this meant leaning into my love for storytelling. I realized that helping people—through essays or dinner-conversation wisdom—to feel connected to themselves and the world brought me immense joy. That revelation didn’t just materialize overnight. It hit me during simple moments, like journaling by the Pacific or volunteering to teach kids about California’s coastal wildlife. Somewhere between the scribbled notes and guided tidepool tours, I recognized that my “extra” wasn’t defined by flashy achievements or fitting someone else’s idea of success. It came from sharing pieces of myself authentically.

How about you? Maybe you love board games with embarrassing intensity or make playlists that rival a film festival soundtrack. Whether it’s knitting scarves that already look “vintage” or being strangely excellent at trivia night, that unique mix of what lights you up—your passion, vulnerability, and perspective—is what connects you to others.

Takeaway: Extraordinary emerges when you dare to be yourself. Stop focusing on painted-on “perfection” and own your quirks unapologetically.

Act III: Building Connections That Matter

Spoiler alert: Extraordinary relationships aren’t something you trip over while walking your dog in a rom-com moment. (Trust me, I’ve walked my dog for miles—no meet-cutes, though a few neighbors waved!) Whether romantic, platonic, or even your relationship with you, extraordinary connections require deliberate work, curiosity, and patience. And often, they come in unexpected packages.

One of my biggest turning points came when I volunteered with a local conservation group in college. While I originally signed up to impress someone (yes, facepalm-worthy motivation), I ended up finding deep connections—not with her, but with a mismatched group of volunteers. We bonded while cleaning up California beaches, swapping bad dating stories during snack breaks, and collectively laughing at my inability to paddle a canoe in a straight line. That camaraderie taught me that meaningful relationships start with shared values and shared vulnerabilities.

It also helped me navigate the dating world in later years. My most genuine connections—romantic and otherwise—have always stemmed from authenticity. When my partner and I first met, I didn’t try to sell some polished version of myself. I joked about my obsession with Fleetwood Mac and confessed my failed attempts at fermenting kimchi. That honesty? It laid the foundation for something more beautiful than I could’ve scripted.

Takeaway: Relationships thrive when you show up as your truest self—and seek out people who appreciate your weirdness instead of skimming past it.

Act IV: Turning Reflection Into Action

Here’s the kicker: the journey from ordinary to extraordinary isn’t some final destination. It’s a practice. It’s a commitment to keep reflecting, growing, and occasionally laughing at yourself when life insists on humbling you.

For example, I learned more about my own capacity for empathy not by reading self-help books, but through random road trips where things went hilariously wrong. Once, while camping in Big Sur with friends, we accidentally left our snacks out, and raccoons ransacked everything. There we were, sharing one granola bar, telling sticks-found-in-the-forest jokes, and learning a lot about collaboration under pressure. In those wild moments, I saw how quickly teamwork and kindness could bond people. Those lessons spilled over into every aspect of my life: work, friendship, dating—relationships involve sharing, problem-solving, and a whole lot of snacks (or lack thereof).

Ask yourself: What have your everyday adventures taught you? Whether it’s that time you got lost hiking or your first summer job scooping ice cream, there are lessons hidden in unexpected places. Figuring out what they’ve taught you sets the stage for stepping into the most dazzling version of yourself.

Act V: Celebrate the Process (You’re the Main Character!)

Here’s the thing about going from ordinary to extraordinary: you’re already on the journey. Every step—especially the messy ones—brings you closer to what’s extraordinary about you. Romantic connections, meaningful friendships, and knowing yourself better don’t require neon signs or grand gestures. They’re about showing up, staying curious, and embracing the small, magical truths of ordinary life.

So here’s your homework: take an honest look at what makes you delightfully you. Is it your knack for finding the best taco trucks in town? Your random karaoke skills? Your ability to binge documentaries about niche topics with terrifying speed? Own it. Embrace it. Share it. Build connections that reflect it. Because the extraordinary isn’t out there, waiting—it’s already hidden inside you, just waiting for the right spark.

And remember, every awkward date or cringe-worthy mishap is just part of what makes the journey worthwhile. So go ahead: be a little messy. Be curious. Be unapologetically, confidently you.

After all, flirting with life—and yourself—is where extraordinary starts.