Let me paint you a picture: It's a crisp October evening in Coeur d'Alene, and I'm pacing my childhood bedroom. Outside, the lake's surface looks like a crumpled sheet of tinfoil glinting in the moonlight. Inside, I’m stress-refreshing my phone screen, waiting to see if a carefully crafted message on a dating app will get a response. For someone who grew up making small talk with tourists and boasting an advanced degree in the liberal arts, you'd think I'd be a master conversationalist. And yet, there I was, spiraling because of a single question: “How do I make this sound… not weird?”

It wasn't just a message I was fretting about. It was one of those moments where everything feels bigger than it is. A moment when you’re suddenly faced with the glaring gap between who you think you are and how you’re showing up in the world. And perhaps even more importantly, how that gap can influence whether or not someone swipes right.

Here’s the thing: crafting a dating profile is like trying to write the blurb for the back of your own book. Not your whole story, just enough to make someone want to pick it up. And that night, as a single woman in her late 20s, fresh out of a gentle but necessary breakup, I had a revelation: If the words we use to describe ourselves can shape how others connect with us, shouldn’t we choose them wisely?

What came next was both a personal turning point and a road map for anyone who’s ever found themselves staring blankly at the blinking cursor in an “About Me” section. Here’s what I’ve learned about building a profile that doesn’t just showcase your best self—but your truest one.

Section 1: Flirting with the Future — Why Your Profile Matters More Than You Think

If dating profiles were appetizers, they’d be the bread basket before the meal. Some people ignore them entirely, while others obsess over the seasoning of every word. What I’ve realized—between friends grieving over ghostings and colleagues debating the exact number of emojis that make you seem “approachable”—is that your profile is essentially the first impression of your digital self.

For me, this came into focus when I matched with an outdoorsy, Pacific Northwest equivalent of an actual mountain man (think flannel, iced coffee, and a dog named Cedar). His profile was so alarmingly cliché that it read like an REI catalog: "Lover of long hikes & good books. Looking for someone to share adventures with." Ugh, right? But here’s what surprised me: Cedar’s dad turned out to be kind, funny, and weirdly passionate about sustainable composting. The adventure cliché wasn’t who he was—it was just all he thought to lead with.

I wondered how often we all do this. How we fall back on tired tropes because they’re safe—or because we think that’s what people want to hear. My own profile at the time was guilty of the same sin. It featured me “loving paddleboarding, indie music festivals, and farmer's market excursions,” which was mostly true but also carefully curated. Nowhere did it disclose my heated takes on avocado toast, my tendency to cry at Subaru commercials, or the fact that my greatest skill is identifying constellations at campfires. In other words, the profile was me—but not really me.

Section 2: Make the Mundane Magnetic

One big takeaway after correcting my own profile? The details you think are “too boring” are exactly what makes you interesting. My parents’ resort always had this sign posted, reading: “Adventure is where you find it.” That sign was something I’d barely noticed growing up, but as I edited (okay, overthought) every syllable of my bio, I realized I needed my personality to peek through in unexpected ways.

Instead of saying, “I like hiking and being outdoors,” I wrote this:

  • “I once packed a picnic for a trail hike only to discover I’d brought exactly one granola bar and a Capri Sun. Ask me about my back-up foraging plan—it involves mushrooms, existential panic, and more Capri Suns.”

It doesn’t take much—just enough spark for someone to say, “Oh, I get you.” If humor isn’t your thing, aim for vivid imagery or specificity instead. Saying you love “weekend getaways” is fine, but “Chasing every roadside diner with a neon ‘Pancakes All Day’ sign” paints a picture your future person can step into.

Section 3: Photos Speak Louder Than Prompts

A long, long time ago (in 2013) a friend dared me to go without Instagram for a month. This experiment taught me two things: 1) I rely on photo captions more than I’d like to admit, and 2) a single photo really does speak a thousand words—especially in dating.

When you’re picking pictures for a dating profile, think of it as casting a rom-com starring you. Show your range! You’re lovably awkward in “Favorite Cozy Sweater,” dynamic jamming out to live music, and earnest hiking to yet another questionable summit. The trick is to balance natural moments with personality-packed glimpses.

For example:
- Avoid those moody “I’m-too-cool-to-smile” selfies in bad lighting.
- But also… avoid group shots where no one knows which one you are. (Unless your profile is secretly about recruiting people for dodgeball. Then maybe?) - Add a wildcard photo! Rock climbing? Making pasta from scratch? Finally showing proof you did carve that beautiful jack-o-lantern? Those make great conversation starters when someone messages you.

Section 4: The Art of the Totally Normal, Non-Weird First Message

Ah, the post-match message—a sacred art form perfected by approximately 2.4% of people (you know, the ones who don’t open with “sup”).

True confession: I’m not immune to overthinking these. I used to toggle between deer-in-headlights hesitation and sending something so long and rambling that it felt like I was applying for a job. Here’s what works instead:

  • Anchor to their profile: Did they say they’re into competitive Scrabble? Start with that! “Everyone talks game, but what’s your highest triple-word score?”
  • Ask a non-traditional question: “What’s your go-to road trip song?” or “What was the best meal you cooked last month?” These go beyond “How was your day?” and tell you more about their personality.
  • Be succinct: Think tweet-length meets energy drink—brief, light, and non-pretentious.

Conclusion: Swipe, Spark, Build a Story

That October night with my blinking cursor and nervous pacing, I rewrote my bio five times before Sir Mountain Man messaged me first. We swapped a few chats about goat cheese (long story), went for a hike (Capri Suns included), and while we didn’t end in forever, I walked away knowing exactly who I wanted to be for my next match—and, more importantly, for myself.

The takeaway? Your dating profile isn’t about impressing someone else—it’s about showing up in your full, beautifully flawed humanity and building a spark from there. Because when someone connects with the real you—capri-suns, roadside pancakes, and all—well, that’s the moment that changes everything.

So jot down the first thing that makes you laugh, beam, or tear up a little, and start there. The rest? It'll happen exactly the way it’s meant to.