The Moment That Changed Everything
It was a sweltering afternoon in Abuja. The kind where you can practically feel the sun pressing down on your skin, convincing you it’s personal. I was 21, fresh out of university, and had just made the decision to move back home with my parents after graduation—a bittersweet choice that was equal parts practicality and reluctance. And there I was, sitting in my room, scrolling through my phone when I saw it: “Join [insert popular dating app here] today and meet someone new!”
Bold of them to assume my love life needed saving, right?
But if I’m honest? It did. I had never been in a “real” relationship, not counting the university crush who ghosted me so hard he might as well have joined witness protection. My dating resume was a patchwork quilt of awkward conversations, tentative dances at weddings, and a handful of WhatsApp threads that fizzled out because no one could commit to picking a date.
So, after spending ten minutes debating with myself while eating chin chin from a Ziploc bag, I took the plunge and downloaded the app. What happened next didn’t just change my approach to dating; it changed how I saw myself.
The Art of Owning It
The first hurdle was building my profile. Have you ever tried to summarize your personality in 200 characters? It’s like trying to fit the entire Nollywood film industry into one TikTok video—good luck with that. I agonized for hours, going through versions of myself that sounded confident but inauthentic.
“Adventurous. Lover of jollof rice. Obsessed with my plants,” I tried at some point, but it felt like I was auditioning for a rom-com that didn’t exist. Then I considered adding, “Looking for the Burna Boy to my Tiwa Savage,” but that felt too cheeky (even for me).
Here’s what I learned: crafting a profile isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being you. What eventually made it to my bio was equal parts vulnerable and honest: “Sociologist by day but secretly wish I could sing Afro-pop backup vocals. Big family energy. Might school you in Scrabble.” And suddenly, the pressure lifted. No more pretending. No more trying to guess what “type” of person attracts the most matches. Just Harriet, in all my scrappy, jollof-loving glory.
Small Decisions, Big Impact
The moment wasn’t life-altering in the Hollywood sense—no meet-cute at a rainy bus stop or faintly cheesy montage of me laughing with my phone. It was quieter but possibly more profound. Over the next few weeks, the app became a mirror. Messaging strangers forced me to define what I actually wanted in a partner. My interactions taught me to laugh at small rejections rather than internalize them. And most importantly, I noticed that the more I embraced my quirks, the more meaningful my connections became.
In one chat, someone said, “So, you’re a sociologist? What’s the most fascinating thing about people?” I decided to be honest. “How we all want to belong, but half the time, we’re scared to admit it.” They replied, “That’s deep for a Thursday night. Tell me more.”
I never went on a date with that person, but they taught me something. It wasn’t just about finding the right person—it was about learning how to express, unapologetically, who I already was.
Lessons Learned: Practical Dating Profile Advice
While my love life didn’t turn into a Netflix success story (yet), my experience with online dating was transformational. If you’re building your profile or thinking about dipping a toe into the digital dating pool, here are three fail-safe ways to keep it fun and, most importantly, you:
-
Be Specific (and Silly if You Want!):
Generic lines like “I love traveling and cooking” sound nice but don’t leave much of an impression. Share a vivid detail instead. For example, “I make the best smoky jollof rice west of Abuja—but it might take 3 hours because I play too much Burna Boy when cooking.” The right person will message you asking for your recipe. -
Own Your Flaws (Just a Little):
Perfection is overrated and intimidating. Throw in something relatable or self-deprecating. In my case, I added, “I try to be punctual, but life doesn’t always agree. Hope you like waiting 10 minutes!” Trust me, honesty is attractive. -
Skip the Shopping List:
You know the bios that read like a checklist for the perfect partner? “Must be 6’2”, funny, ambitious, loves dogs.” Those come across as limiting rather than inviting. Instead, talk about what you value. Example: “Looking for someone who sees the joy in small things—like thunderstorms or finding extra meat in your pepper soup.”
The Ripple Effect
That moment I hit “download” wasn’t just about dating apps—it sparked something I hadn’t realized I needed: clarity. It made me reflect on how often we shrink ourselves to fit into what we think others want. Whether it’s making conversation at a party, applying for our dream job, or pursuing a relationship, we often edit ourselves down, pruning away the spiky, dazzling parts of who we are to avoid scaring someone off.
But here’s the truth: the right people—the ones worth pursuing—aren’t afraid of our individuality. They’re drawn to it.
The real epiphany wasn’t actually about dating. It was learning to claim my story. I took that mindset with me when I moved to London for my Master’s, into boardrooms at NGOs filled with powerful women who intimidated me, and even back home at family gatherings where Aunties (you know the ones) love probing into your “marriage plan.”
Own Your Story, Rewrite the Script
So, here’s my unsolicited advice, friend-to-friend. That pivotal moment when everything clicked for me wasn’t glamorous. It wasn’t even particularly romantic. But it was loud in my soul—a shift that made me believe that I’m worth being chosen, not for how polished or palatable I look but for who I truly am.
If you’re wading into the world of dating—online or otherwise—take this with you: every swipe, every conversation, and even the awkward moments are a chance to learn about yourself. Dating isn’t just about meeting the “one.” It’s also about discovering what makes you extraordinary.
Flirt boldly, connect meaningfully, and don’t settle for profiles—or people—that don’t see your greatness. After all, guess who has the jollof rice and Scrabble skills covered? You already know.
