What do you love doing? I mean really love? For me, that moment didn’t come during a power lunch at a swanky Phoenix tech hub or even while hiking through warm Sonoran winds. Nope. It hit me in the most mundane of places: my parents’ garage. Picture this—me, twenty years old, hunched over an old PowerPoint deck, trying to craft the “perfect tagline” for my marketing internship’s client pitch. I wasn’t even being paid. My mom yelled something muffled about coming in for dinner (her enchiladas, a family staple), but I was too absorbed to respond.

The right words flashed through my mind. Then my fingers—clumsily but intentionally—typed them out. And when I read the tagline out loud? It sounded… like magic. I actually laughed, a low, private chuckle that tumbled right out. That sentence shouldn't have given me so much joy, but there I was, thrilled. I felt like me. For the first time, I understood what it meant to find joy—not forced, checkbox-style “joy,” like accomplishing something you’re supposed to love, but real-deal delight in something uniquely yours.

And in that moment, I realized my passion for storytelling, and honestly? It’s a little like dating. You fumble around, second-guessing what you’re looking for, until suddenly, it clicks. Let me take you along the ride.

1. Cleaning the Slate: Where Joy Begins

Finding joy is easier when you eliminate the unnecessary noise. Whether it’s fluff from a marketing brief or the stale “rules” of relationships—ditch the clutter. That garage moment didn’t happen because I was checking off someone else’s expectations. It happened because I finally tuned into what energized me personally, even if it was something as simple as wordplay.

Likewise, whether you’re entering a first date or shaking off a past relationship, the same rule applies. Be clear about what truly lights you up. Ask yourself: Do you love deep conversations, or are you about bantering over tacos at a hole-in-the-wall joint? Paint a vivid mental picture of what makes you tick—not for anyone else’s approval but because knowing yourself is where the adventure starts.

Pro tip: Don’t mistake other people’s Pinterest-perfect joy for yours. Just because everyone on HGTV seems to find enlightenment shiplapping their living rooms doesn’t mean you’ll find the same spark there. Similarly, just because you keep hearing, “You’d love dating [insert random hobbyist here]!” doesn’t mean you will. Clean the slate. Start fresh.

2. Finding Your Thing: When Everything Feels Meh

That tagline draft could’ve easily felt like another pile of work to slog through, but it caught me at the perfect time. I’d been searching for “my calling” unsuccessfully (hello, desert existential crisis), and the joy just snuck up on me. The same can happen when you’re navigating relationships.

There’s this pressure to find someone who meets every imaginary checklist: witty, loves hiking, hates cilantro (but loves guacamole—you know, the essentials). But here’s what I’ve learned: Passion and connection often show up when you stop white-knuckling your search. And meh doesn’t always mean “the wrong thing”—sometimes it’s an incremental step toward discovering something better.

For me, what started with one tagline blossomed into leading local marketing campaigns, and then later, using that same creative drive to share stories about connection, ambition, and (let’s be honest) my awkward scrambles through the dating world. Passion grows in baby steps.

Are you stuck in a meh moment? Try this:
- Experiment. Think of life (or love) as a tasting menu. Try a little of everything and see what sticks. If you’ve always dated people who text essays, go the opposite direction and date someone more spontaneous.
- Notice what energizes you. Not everything will. That’s okay. None of us light up every time we fold laundry, either. (Sorry, Marie Kondo.)

3. The Joy Is in the Journey: Cliché, but Stay with Me

Look, I get it. It sounds like a greeting card to say “joy is in the journey.” But here’s the thing: It’s true when you stop obsessing over the destination. Hear me out.

When I stayed late in that garage playing with those words, I wasn’t stressing over whether marketing would be my career forever. I was immersed in the moment—an experience that highlighted what I value most. (Okay, and maybe avoiding some parental cleaning requests. Don’t tell my mom.)

It’s the same deal in your personal life. Maybe your first dates feel like mixed bags—some memorable, some cringe. Or maybe you’re already in love, but you’re stumbling through defining long-term goals. It’s all part of the story that makes your connections deeper over time.

Your relationships, like your passions, aren’t about a quick win; they’re about the discoveries you make along the way.

  • Laugh at the hilariously bad first date with the guy who wore socks and sandals.
  • Appreciate the weird miscommunication moments that ultimately strengthen your next relationship.
  • Recognize those little sparks when someone makes you feel entirely seen.

Much like my tiny laugh that day over a silly tagline, these moments sneak up to reshape how you feel. They’re quiet but revolutionary.

4. Reconnecting with Joy When It Feels Slippery

Let’s be real: Passion isn’t always riding high. You’ll hit stretches of your life or relationships where everything feels flat—a phase I like to call “emotional beige.” The key is to not see that as failure but as a nudge to reconnect with what thrills you.

Here’s something that still works for me: Whenever joy feels far away—if my writing feels stagnant or I’ve sat through one too many overcomplicated client meetings—I head outside. I mean that literally. The desert always grounds me. Something about those wide, uninterrupted horizons reminds me just how much reinvention is possible.

In a relationship rut? Try stepping out of your usual environments too. Want fast-track inspiration? Ditch Netflix for an afternoon getaway. Pack a picnic and watch a sunset even if you’re so far inland there’s no ocean in sight. Sometimes simply doing breaks you free.

Joy likes to surprise you when you shake up the routine.

5. Embracing the Unexpected Joy

That first exhilarating moment—the first time you feel joy doing something—is like a lightning bolt. Mine happened in a garage. Yours might be equally random: Cooking dinner with someone who laughs so easily it disarms you. Or finally standing up for what you need in a relationship, only to feel the exhilarating lightness on the other side.

Here’s what matters: Stay tuned in to those sparks. They’re your breadcrumbs to creating a life that feels uniquely yours. For me, writing didn’t stop with that PowerPoint deck—it grew into something deeply meaningful. Now, whether I’m talking about romance, ambition, or how to navigate an awkward group date (pro tip: use humor), every story sparks joy because it reflects who I am.

Closing Thoughts

If you’re waiting for the perfect plan to materialize before chasing your passion or finding authentic connection, let me save you the time. Perfection is a lie we tell ourselves to feel in control. The truth is scarier but more rewarding: joy comes from jumping in, even when the pool feels freezing.

The first time I felt true joy doing something, I wasn’t dressed for the occasion. I wasn’t ready. But I was present. And sometimes, that’s all it takes to start.

Now it’s your turn. What sparks your joy? Explore it. Chase it. And when it comes—because it will—welcome it like an old friend.