If you’ve ever been ghosted before a first date, let me tell you—I understand the sting. It happened to me on a cold winter night in D.C. The kind of night when the wind cuts through your coat as if it’s personally offended you dared step outside. I had showered, picked out a decent fit (the signature peacoat and scarf combo that screams “I’m responsible but definitely into Kendrick Lamar”), and even arrived 15 minutes early to the bar. But as the texts stopped coming and the clock ticked past the reservations, I realized the most uncomfortable part of the evening wasn’t the winter chill—it was the hollow silence of being stood up.

Now, sitting in that lone barstool wasn’t the “moment that changed everything,” but it did spark something: reflection. Had I done enough to stand out? Was I too eager in our chat? Did my profile properly tell my story? These spiraled thoughts had nothing to do with their decision to flake, of course (spoiler alert: ghosting is about them, not you). But it prompted me to revisit my approach to online dating and ultimately led me to a pivotal realization: telling your story in the right way—whether on an app or in real life—is everything.

Section 1: When Bios Betray You

Let me say this plainly: Most dating app bios are as exciting as a D.C. zoning board meeting. They’re either too vague (“Looking for something real…”) or too predictable (“Fluent in sarcasm and tacos”). At one point, my own bio was guilty of this. Some mix of high-brow political humor (“Won’t filibuster your texts”), a Bob Marley quote, and allusions to my love for D.C. brunch culture. It felt clever to me but ultimately fell into what I call the “oh no” trifecta: trying-too-hard, way-too-vague, and somehow-not-approachable.

The realization came one night over a bowl of my mom’s ackee and saltfish. My sister, ever the no-filter sibling, was scrolling through what she called “the trainwreck gallery” of dating profiles while I eavesdropped from across the room. And then she turned the phone on me: “Your bio is boring. It looks like you typed it under duress.” Ouch. But she wasn’t wrong.

Here’s the trick to fixing it: Write the bio as if you’re texting the friend who hypes you up. They know you’re ambitious, funny, and slightly obsessed with go-go music, but they also know you’re human. So ditch the clichés and get specific. Instead of "loves music," try, “Spends an embarrassing amount of time curating playlists no one asked for (ask me about my ‘Jamaica Meets D.C.’ mix).” Instant spark.

Actionable Tip:

  • Focus on specifics. Your goal isn’t to impress everyone—it’s to connect with the ones who get you.
  • Ask a friend to help if you’re too close to it. Trust me, siblings with brutal honesty? Highly effective.

Section 2: Photos: More Than Just Selfies and Sunsets

Now, I’m no stranger to a good selfie. Proper lighting and the right angle? A game-changer. But if your entire profile is mirror pics or distant hiking photos (where you look like Bigfoot mid-sighting), it’s time for a refresh.

Take my own failed experiment with online dating photos. I was so bent on looking “interesting” that I uploaded six shots of me in suits at speaking events. While I thought it screamed “accomplished and well-rounded,” it probably came across as “Does this guy sleep with his ‘Best Of High School Debate Team’ trophy?”

What worked? Balance. Your photos should tell a story about your personality and lifestyle. A mix of candid shots, doing activities you love, and maybe a photo your mom would proudly share on Facebook says more than words ever could. And for the love of all that is good, include a clear shot of your face—no sunglasses or group pics where it’s a guessing game of “Who’s Who?”

Actionable Tip:

  • Aim for the three big B’s: Bright, Balanced, and Boast-free.
  • Let your smile do the work. No one’s swiping for your aviator shades.

Section 3: Messaging Like a Pro (Without Sounding Like a Bot)

If there’s one universal truth in dating, it’s that first messages set the tone. A dry opener like, “Hey, how’s it going?” is just about as thrilling as lukewarm microwave leftovers. But crafting that perfect opener doesn’t mean writing a sonnet either.

One time, I sent a message to a match referencing Scandal—yes, the Olivia Pope drama that dominated Thursday nights. I asked, “So if Olivia Pope and Annalise Keating were to team up, who would be their first client?” She responded with a joke about how D.C. politics is messier than their fictional dramas ever could be, and boom—a spark.

Personalization is the name of the game, my friends. Did they mention an interest in cooking? Ask them what dish they’d serve on their own cooking show. Are they all about traveling? Go for, “What’s the underrated spot I need to add to my bucket list?” Flirty, curious, and informed beats robotic any day.

Actionable Tip:

  • Scan their profile for clues that allow you to ask thoughtful, specific questions.
  • Keep the energy light and engaging—save the soul-searching stuff for later.

Section 4: Ghosting Isn’t On You

Now let’s revisit the post-ghosting epiphany I mentioned earlier. As I sat in that D.C. bar nursing a cocktail I no longer wanted, I realized something freeing: By putting myself out there, I’d already done the brave thing. Their decision to bail wasn’t my failure—it was their inability to meet me where I was. That perspective changed everything. It dismantled the self-doubt and made me focus inward: Was I proud of my effort? Was I presenting my fullest self in my profile? And most importantly, was I treating myself with as much care as I wanted others to show me?

Ghosting sucks, no doubt about it. But it also clarified a truth I hold onto: The right connection isn’t just about being selected; it’s also about being seen.

Conclusion: Be the Bio You Want to Meet

Crafting an online dating profile is like cooking a pot of curry goat (hear me out). It’s not just about throwing in all the spices and ingredients but layering the flavors thoughtfully, keeping a little intrigue while letting the essence shine. Through trial and error (and yes, a fair share of ghost stories), I learned that the trick isn’t just showing who you are but showing it unapologetically.

So get playful, lean in, and maybe even laugh at the missteps along the way. Someone out there will appreciate your mix of wit, quirks, and reggae brunch playlists. And if not? Well, you can always swipe left on ghosting—and right on yourself.

"From flirt to familiar," my friend… you’ve got this.