What I Stand For

There’s this spot in the Sonoran Desert, just off a dusty trail, where you can see endless saguaros against a backdrop of fiery red mountains. The view always hits me like a good country song: simple, a little rugged, and completely honest. That’s the kind of life I stand for—and the kind of writer I aim to be. Authentic. Clear-eyed. Straight from the heart, but with some grit and, hopefully, just enough humor to keep things interesting.

Underneath the sunburns and scuffed-up hiking boots, here’s the truth—I’ve learned that life’s best moments come from showing up as yourself, flaws and all. Whether it’s in dating, relationships, or just getting through the week with your dignity intact, I believe authenticity is magnetic. You don’t have to be polished to connect with someone; you just have to be real. And trust me, I’ve learned this the hard way.

The Mirage of Perfection

I used to think I had to be perfect to earn connection. Growing up in a perfectly-manicured gated community outside Scottsdale kind of does that to you. Life was full of matchy-matchy lawns, dinner parties where everyone was “thriving,” and more khaki shorts than any one HOA should allow. There was so much pressure to be something: accomplished, charming, too cool to care. And for a while, I tried to play along.

Whether I was pitching a client in my early marketing career or striking up a conversation at a bar, I leaned hard into a polished, curated version of myself. I thought it worked. The conversations were smooth; the laughs were polite. But authentic? As fake as a golf-green cactus. The problem with a mirage is, eventually, you realize you’re dying of thirst.

Cue the pricey therapy sessions, long solo desert hikes, and, yes, joining a songwriting workshop just to process it all. (Spoiler: I’m not a country star now, but I did write a banger about unrequited love and margaritas.) The biggest thing I uncovered in this process was something painfully simple: People don’t connect with perfection; they connect with vulnerability. That “smooth operator” version of me? He was polished, sure, but surface-level. And surface-level doesn’t build real relationships, in romantic life or otherwise.

How This Plays Out IRL

Let’s talk dating for a second—because there’s no better mirror for self-reflection than those pre-date nerves. Picture this: You’re out for drinks. You’re dressed like a slightly more stylish version of yourself (a.k.a. the outfit you panic-bought after spiraling on Pinterest), and conversation’s flowing. But in the back of your mind, you’re cataloging everything: “Do they think I’m interesting? Was my laugh too loud? Should I have ordered something more adventurous than a vodka soda?” That’s where perfection trips you up.

I’ve been there, overthinking myself into a useless puddle of small talk. Here’s what I learned: Authenticity is not about oversharing to the point of no return (“So, should we talk about my ex now or wait for appetizers?”); it’s about bringing your whole self to the table—dad jokes, quirks, and all. Some of my best first dates weren’t because of fireworks but because they were relaxed, honest, and 100% me. And if I ever need ammo for a good story? Let’s just say there are several tales of me trying to explain the concept of desert monsoons to someone who’s never been west of Ohio.

The Five Core Beliefs I Live (and Write) By

You can learn a lot from a sun-scorched desert trail. After years of mistakes, lessons—and maybe one too many deep dives into entrepreneurial self-help books—I’ve boiled my approach to life and relationships down to these core beliefs. They’re a little gritty, a little playful, and totally me.

  1. Connection Beats Perfection: Relationships thrive on honesty, not on being perfect. Share your quirks. Laugh at yourself. Be the guy who trips on the sidewalk and turns it into a joke, rather than pretending it didn’t happen.

  2. Be Curious, Not Judgmental: Blake Lively has Ryan Reynolds. But you and I? We have Ted Lasso. And Ted’s advice is gospel. You want better relationships? Ask questions. Dig deeper. Be genuinely curious about the people you meet.

  3. Effort is Sexy: Whether it’s showing up for your partner or putting ten extra minutes into remembering someone’s favorite coffee order, little thoughtful actions say way more than grand gestures ever could. (Though, let’s be clear, grand gestures have their moments, too. Just ask rom-coms.)

  4. Own Your Desert: I don’t mean move to Arizona (though, hey, the sunsets are nice). Owning your desert means embracing who you are—the complicated, messy, glorious experience of being you. You’ve got wounds? Scars? Dreams bigger than your paycheck? That’s the good stuff. Wear it like a badge of honor.

  5. Build, Don’t Chase: Whether it’s in love or life in general, I believe the best things aren’t about who you can catch but what you can create. Build the life you want. The right people will see it, and they’ll want to be part of it.

Broader Than Dating Advice

These beliefs don’t stop at romance. The idea of showing up as your authentic self while also putting effort into the lives around you is the very heart of how I work, live, and write. Whether you’re re-building from a brutal breakup, navigating career changes, or figuring out who you are, your authenticity will never lead you wrong. That’s not to say it’ll always be easy. Anyone who’s survived an awkward first date knows authenticity has its pitfalls—like sharing too much about your cactus collection and watching someone’s soul leave their body. The stakes of being real are high, but the rewards? Completely unmatched.

Building Genuine Connections (And Finding the Right People)

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Nate, that sounds fine, but how does this apply to, you know, my actual life?” here’s my favorite practical advice: Create systems that make deeper connections inevitable.

  • Lead with What You Love: Whether it’s baking sourdough bread, desert trail running, or writing bad country lyrics in your Notes app, make your passions visible to the world. They’re beacons for the right people.

  • Be Patient With Complexity: You’re not going to crack someone open like an easy-read paperback on day one, and that’s okay. Real connection happens in layers. Patience isn’t just a virtue; it’s also extremely attractive.

  • Drop Comparison Cold Turkey: The Instagram-age temptation to compare your middles to someone else’s highlights is real. Stop scrolling, and focus on building something genuine instead.

  • Own Your Awkwardness: Tripping over your words, accidentally interrupting, saying “you too” when the waiter tells you to enjoy your food—it’s all part of being human. Laugh about it, embrace it, and move on.

Final Thought: Your Mess Makes You Magnetic

If life’s taught me anything, it’s that we’re all just saguaros. Stick with me here: Saguaros take years to grow, aren’t remotely smooth around the edges, and thrive best in their messy, sun-drenched authenticity. Stop trying to mold your life (or your love life) into a perfect little box. Instead, lean into your messy, prickly, extraordinary self. And when the world feels like a sandstorm? Just keep growing. The right people will find shade in you. Trust me—they always do.