The Habit That Saved Me

The Wake-Up Call I Didn’t Know I Needed

I didn’t set out to overhaul my life. I wasn’t looking for answers in a self-help book or scrolling through TED Talk titles, teary-eyed, at 3 a.m. What actually sparked change for me was a cup of coffee. Not a fancy oat milk latte with latte art shaped like a fern; it wasn’t even good coffee. It was a lukewarm cup from an old drip machine—more burnt toast than Arabica bean. But it came with my mom’s voice floating across the table, saying, “Juliette, you need to start writing it down.”

At the time, I was coordinating a translation project that had all the excitement of watching paint dry. My relationships felt more “meh” than memorable, and my creative spark had become a flickering candle on its last wick. So I started scribbling. Random thoughts. Little things I’d noticed. Arguments I never actually had but rehearsed in my head. Slowly, my chaotic notes turned into a morning habit. And that, my friends, saved me.

Morning Pages: The Most Basic of Magic Tricks

The concept is absurdly simple—Julia Cameron describes it better in The Artist’s Way—but here’s the gist: every morning, you sit down with pen and paper (yes, paper, not an app) and write three pages of whatever’s clogging your brain. No editing, no judging. Just… write. Think of it as decluttering your mental attic, finally sorting through all those emotional knick-knacks you’ve shoved into “deal with later.”

My first pages were rants: embarrassing things I did in seventh grade, the nerve of someone taking the last croissant at the bakery, and existential questions like, “What’s up with people who text ‘k’ instead of ‘okay’?” But the act itself was cathartic. By getting it all out first thing, my brain stopped spinning like an over-caffeinated hamster the rest of the day.

Unlocking Tiny Epiphanies (and Laughs)

What I didn’t expect was how quickly those scribbles turned into insights. One morning, I wrote a list of the reasons dating felt like an Olympic-level event (complete with examples: “Silver medal for the most awkward goodbye hug goes to…”). By the end of the page, I realized most of my so-called problems stemmed from one thing: I wasn’t being real.

And oh, how I thought I was real. My online dating profile was a Shakespearean masterpiece of highly curated “realness”—phrases like “lover of bookstores” paired excellently with a moody photo of me holding a $7 cappuccino outside a café I’d been to exactly once. In real life, I was more likely to knock over a full espresso and laugh about it. My morning pages taught me that maybe, just maybe, someone would actually like that person more.

How a Notebook Improved My Relationships

Beyond dating, this habit started seeping into other areas of my life. Every relationship—platonic, romantic, or otherwise—is essentially two people trying, and often failing, to fully understand each other. By writing down frustrations, gratitude, or just random observations, I found myself communicating better with the people around me.

For example, I realized during one particularly salty morning session that my best friend always interrupted me when I talked about work. Old me would’ve quietly stewed. New morning-pages me brought it up—playfully, without resentment. Instead of an awkward clash, we laughed it off and moved forward. Turns out, no one can read your mind, but your notebook might just help you figure out what’s actually in it.

Tips for Starting Your Own Scribbling Habit

Want to give it a shot? Here’s how to make this work for you (even if, like me, you’re not exactly a morning person).

  • Commit to Just Five Minutes: Start small. If “three pages” feels more like a punishment than a resolution, promise yourself just five minutes and see where it goes.

  • Ditch the Digital: This is non-negotiable. Your phone will only remind you that TikTok exists, and suddenly you’ll be watching videos of raccoons stealing cupcakes instead of dealing with your brain.

  • Leave the Judge at the Door: Write like no one’s watching, because literally no one is. It doesn’t have to be poetic or productive. You can rant about your coworker’s insufferable use of office jargon, the insane price of avocados, or how you wish your ex had returned your favorite hoodie. Let it all out.

  • Celebrate the Mundane: You might not have earth-shattering epiphanies every day, and that’s okay. Some mornings, your notes will be gloriously unremarkable: “Weather’s nice. Should grocery shop later. Forgot spinach last time.” Even these small reflections clear mental clutter and make space for life’s bigger moments.

The Domino Effect of One Tiny Habit

Here’s the kicker: morning pages didn’t just elevate my mornings—they became a butterfly effect in my life. Writing every day made me notice more, care more, and, strange as it sounds, forgive more. It was like cleaning a foggy mirror and finally seeing the reflection for what it really was—messy but mine.

It’s not just about creativity or self-improvement, either. In relationships, this habit gave me the confidence to show up as my real self, awkward spills and all. After all, uncovering the messy, hilarious, honest bits is where all the best stories begin. And isn’t that what connection is about? Finding someone who laughs with you when the metaphorical (or literal) coffee spills?

Your Takeaway (Because I’m Giving You One)

We tend to think big changes need big moves—a new city, a breakup, a “three-month yoga retreat in Bali” level of drama. But sometimes, it’s the smallest, most unassuming habits that offer the biggest shift. You might not think scribbling randomly into a notebook every morning can change much, but trust me: you won’t know until you try.

So, grab a pen. Write about whatever comes to mind, no matter how trivial or bizarre. Then, watch how it transforms the way you see yourself, your relationships, and the world. Who knows? Your burnt-toast coffee moment might just be waiting. Bonus: it doesn’t even have to come with bad coffee.