What Do I Stand For?

Growing up in Brooklyn Heights, surrounded by my parents’ ambitions and the hum of creative thinkers, I learned early that life isn’t about playing it cool, it’s about playing it true. Relationships, I believe, are no different. Everything I write—whether it’s about the thrill of a first kiss or the bittersweet end of love—comes back to one thing: authenticity. In a world of curated Instagram feeds and FaceTuned selfies, standing for something real feels almost revolutionary. So, if you want the sparknotes on what drives my thoughts on love and connection, buckle up. We’re diving into the cosmic swirl of relationships—with a little Brooklyn attitude and a dash of Harvard polish.

Stand #1: Be Brave Enough to Show Up Ugly

I’ll say it: no one’s buying what you’re selling if you’re only presenting the highlight reel. Real connections don’t come from comparing perfect playlists or curating matching latte art. They come from owning your quirks, embracing your flaws, and maybe even wearing mismatched socks to brunch (been there, done that). Authenticity means showing up, metaphorical blemishes and all.

I remember once, on a hazy spring evening in Berlin, showing up late for a date because I’d gotten lost wandering down Friedrichstraße. Sweaty and winded, I launched into an unfiltered, self-deprecating story about how I had relied way too much on my high-school-level German to navigate. My date, an artist from Hamburg, nearly cried laughing. She told me it was refreshing to have someone admit to being fallible. That was the night I realized that real people crave real moments, not polished perfection.

So, here’s my advice: forget trying to “impress.” Be vulnerable. Be messy. Be fully human. Got an embarrassing Spotify obsession with boy bands? Mention it. Obsessed with reruns of 90 Day Fiancé? Say so. Own who you are, and watch the magic happen.

Stand #2: Love Is a Long Game, Not a Power Play

Here’s the thing about love: it’s not a stock you’re trading for short-term gains. These days, it feels like dating (and even some relationships) has devolved into a series of strategies. Should I text back now? Should I “accidentally” view her story to stay on her radar? Don’t even get me started on the ridiculous “never text first” rule—it’s like trying to apply Game of Thrones strategy to something as tender as love. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work.

Let me take you back to another story, this time from my New Haven days. I was in a relationship where we treated vulnerability like a game of chicken. We both waited for the other person to crack first, to say “I miss you” without prompting. What did we win? An anticlimactic breakup and a Netflix queue full of sad documentaries. It taught me this: love isn’t about winning. It’s about showing up with your full, unedited heart and saying, “Here’s what I bring to the table. Take it or leave it.”

Stand #3: Context Is Everything—Read the Room and the Relationship

One of the best lessons I’ve learned from literature is that every love story has a setting, a mood that shapes how the characters evolve. Relationships are no different. You don’t love someone in a vacuum. You love them in the thick of family dinners where someone’s aunt inevitably overshares, or across time zones when all you have is a digital connection, or in the chaos of the city, where stolen moments are all you get.

Context matters. I remember meeting a woman in Hong Kong while I was there for a cultural exchange program. Our connection was instant—but the timing wasn’t. We were a world apart in commitment readiness, and instead of trying to force what wasn’t sustainable, we allowed ourselves to appreciate how fleeting but beautiful the moment was.

So ask yourself: Is your “perfect” relationship struggling, not because of love, but because of stress, distance, or obligations you both can’t ignore? It’s okay to adapt, recalibrate, or even hit pause if your context demands it. Love isn’t one-size-fits-all—it’s more tailor-made.

Stand #4: Relationships Are Lived Through the Small Things, Not the “Big Moments”

When I was a kid, my parents would argue about petty things: where the keys were left, who would unload the groceries, whose responsibility it was to monitor my truly tragic middle school math grade. But then later that night, I’d hear my dad playing piano (he wasn’t any good) while my mom sang along with a voice that could carry a Brooklyn block. The lesson stuck: it’s rarely the grand gestures that make or break love—it’s the rhythm of the small, everyday things.

I carry this belief into my writing because I’ve lived it. Modern dating culture thrives on the spectacle: the Insta-worthy proposal, the overpriced anniversary dinner with 16 courses you can’t pronounce. But the real test of a connection is how someone handles the tiny, largely unremarkable moments. Does she hand you ibuprofen when she hears you pop open a Red Bull at nine in the morning? Does he buy you an extra pair of gloves because he knows you’ll lose one?

The stuff that doesn’t make your feed is usually where love really lives.

Stand #5: Always Make Space for Yourself

As much as I champion vulnerability and connection, even the greatest love can’t compensate for losing yourself. Believe me, I’ve tried. I once dated someone whose needs I made my personal mission. If this relationship were an ad campaign, the tagline would’ve been, “All Julian, All The Time.” It turns out, when you’re over-functioning in a relationship, resentment sneaks in like a bad plot twist. I wasn’t being her partner—I was trying to be her whole solution.

Partnership shouldn’t mean sacrificing the passions, friends, or interests that make you feel alive. In my case, missing Sunday mornings at the Brooklyn Flea Market with friends eventually left me feeling like a stranger to myself.

So here’s my take: Love someone like crazy—but don’t forget that your love for yourself sets the tone.

Conclusion: Roots and Wings

What do I stand for? Growing roots and extending wings—whether it’s in relationships or life at large. Be real with yourself and others, laugh so hard you snort in front of your crush, and don’t be afraid when things don’t look picture-perfect. Whether you’re exploring something new or holding firm to something old, relationships should feel like a place where you can securely plant yourself but also have room to breathe and soar.

So, my advice for today? Go out and get messy with your feelings. Take that risk. Be the brave soul who texts first. Love isn’t about perfection; it’s about presence. Build connections that matter, and you’ll find that lasting bonds aren’t about being flawless together—they’re about being human, together.