How to Keep the Spark Alive Without Losing Your Mind

It starts out with fireworks. Those early weeks of a relationship are like living in a rom-com montage set to a Bruno Mars ballad. You’re sending flirty texts, planning cute dates, and performing a high-five with the universe because you finally found someone who doesn’t overshare about cryptocurrency. But then, somewhere between Netflix-and-chill session #547 and your first argument about whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it doesn’t, but I digress), things start to feel... routine. The thrill wears off, and you’re left wondering: How do couples keep it exciting without turning into the dating equivalent of an old pair of house slippers?

It’s possible, y’all. And no, it doesn’t involve skydiving lessons or adopting an exotic pet. Here are tried-and-true ways to keep the spark alive while staying sane—because while love is grand, a little creativity goes a long way.

1. Revisit the Beginning

Ever heard of relationship amnesia? It’s when you forget how head-over-heels you were during the honeymoon phase and start taking each other for granted. The cure? Walk down memory lane, and not in the “Facebook Memories” kind of way.

Pull out those first-date stories. The way you nervously fumbled your way through dinner or how you bonded over your shared (read: questionable) love for karaoke duets. Better yet, recreate one of your earliest dates. Go back to that taco spot where you talked until they closed, or binge-watch the show that got you both hooked. It sounds cheesy, but nostalgia is a powerful thing, like scrolling through baby pictures—except you’re reliving the beginning of your love story.

When my partner and I decided to rewatch the first movie we ever saw together, it wasn’t just about the film. It was the commentary we added (“Wow, I really thought this was Oscar-worthy?”), the shared snacks, and the reminder of why we clicked in the first place.

2. Surprise Each Other (Without Breaking the Bank or a Sweat)

Big romantic gestures are great… in theory. But we’re not all trying to stage the flash mob dance scene from "Friends with Benefits." The good news? Tiny surprises hit just as hard, and they don’t require choreography.

  • Leave a sticky note on the bathroom mirror with a sweet (or funny) message.
  • Bring home their favorite snack—unannounced. If someone brought me a pint of Ben & Jerry’s without asking, I’d marry them on the spot.
  • Randomly play “your song” and offer a low-pressure, goofy dance in the kitchen.

One time, I baked cookies on a Tuesday afternoon just because my partner had a rough day. They weren’t Pinterest-pretty—they were the misshapen, slightly burnt creations of someone who rarely bakes—but to him? Michelin-star worthy. It’s about the thought, not the execution.

3. Schedule “Unplugged” Time

Ah, the phone—the third wheel in nearly every relationship. Between doomscrolling on Twitter (I mean, X… weird) and keeping up with TikTok trends, we’ve all been guilty of letting screens intrude on quality time. Setting an “unplugged hour” a couple of nights a week is a game changer.

Maybe you cook together, go on a walk, or play an embarrassingly competitive round of Uno. My partner and I once spent an entire evening trying to assemble a puzzle, and let me tell you, by the time we finished, we were laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. Was it romantic? Technically no, but it reminded us how much fun we could have together without distractions.

4. Try Something New Together (But Keep It Realistic)

Listen, I’m not saying you need to attempt couples’ hot yoga—mainly because I tried it once and almost left the relationship AND my dignity on the mat. But doing something new together, even small, can breathe fresh energy into your connection.

Bookmark a recipe neither of you has made and attempt it together, or pick up a shared hobby that doesn’t involve competition. (Pro tip: Monopoly is NOT what we mean by a “healthy couple’s activity.”)

For example, my partner and I randomly decided to take up outdoor picnics last spring. It was such a shift from our usual restaurant routine, and even though there were some trial-and-error moments (apparently, ants don’t care about personal boundaries), it was a refreshing change of pace.

5. Give Each Other SPACE

Here’s the twist nobody wants to hear but absolutely needs: sometimes, “keeping the spark alive” actually means stepping back and breathing in your own air. Nothing suffocates love faster than being joined at the hip.

Make sure you’re not sacrificing your hobbies, friendships, or alone time for the sake of “togetherness.” Remember, the person they fell for had a life outside the relationship—keep that person alive!

When I mentioned to my partner that I wanted to pick up Pilates, he encouraged me. (Okay, fine, he mostly laughed at the idea of me “rolling like a ball,” but still.) Supporting each other’s personal growth is its own version of deep love.

6. Keep the Flirting Alive

Flirting isn’t just for the single folks! Why should the good stuff stop after you reach “official couple” status? Send that cheeky “thinking of you” text in the middle of the workday. Casually compliment them on how good they look tonight (even if they’re just in a T-shirt and sweats).

And for goodness’ sake, laugh together! My partner and I have an ongoing, ridiculous debate about which fast-food fries are superior—it’s been years and we’re genuinely still invested. (The answer is Whataburger fries, by the way. Texans, y’all know.) These silly, seemingly surface-level moments keep the energy light and playful while reminding you why you enjoy each other so much.

7. Acknowledge the Ordinary Beauty

Keeping the spark alive doesn’t always mean reaching for fireworks. Sometimes it’s about learning to see the magic in the everyday moments you create together, like grocery shopping or folding laundry. One of my favorite memories is the time my partner and I spent 15 minutes making up ridiculous backstories for strangers at the coffee shop. (“Oh, he’s definitely late to a secret book club meeting. Her? CIA. No doubt.”)

Love’s not always a grand adventure—it’s the mundane kindnesses, the steady hand on your lower back when you’re tying your shoes, the way they split the last slice of pizza without you even asking. When you pay attention to those details, the spark will find you.

The Takeaway

Relationships aren’t all effortless movie magic; they’re Netflix login compromises, shared car playlists, and learning how your partner takes their coffee. But with a little effort, laughter, and a healthy dose of the unexpected, the spark doesn’t just survive—it thrives.

So here’s your mission: go do something today, even something small, that makes your person smile. Show them you’re in it for the long haul, burnt-shaped cookies and all. Because when the spark feels genuine, keeping it alive becomes less of a task and more of a joy.