What I Stand For

The Unwritten Rules of Love (and Life)

My mother has a saying, oft-repeated during my formative years and just as relevant now: "Il faut savoir ce qu'on veut." Translation? “You have to know what you want.” She usually said this while fixing me with one of those unsettlingly calm gazes only French mothers seem capable of. As a child, it applied to whether I wanted pâté or Nutella on my tartine. As a teenager, it was about choosing whether I wanted to date the guitarist or the moody poet who spent his evenings reading Sartre at cafés. (Spoiler: I chose both—just at different times.)

Now, as an adult writing about love, relationships, and the messy middle where human connection so often resides, “knowing what I want” is the foundation of not only how I live my life but how I guide my readers. Because let’s face it: the search for love is as much about knowing ourselves as it is about knowing what—or who—we desire.

These core beliefs, rooted in literature, life experience, and the occasional dating disaster, form my playbook for navigating this dizzying, infuriating, utterly irresistible thing we call connection.

1. Embrace the Chaos—but Learn from It

I would love to tell you I’ve always been the picture of poise in my romantic escapades, but anyone who’s ever sent a “…” text while waiting for a reply (don’t do it) or tripped over their own shoe mid-date would tell you otherwise. Life, and love specifically, will never be a straight, faultless line—it’s about surviving the squiggles, the spills, and the secondhand embarrassment.

Take that time I went on a date in Paris, convinced it would be a scene out of "Amélie." Croissants and cobblestone streets? Perfect ambiance. But by the end of the night, my lovely date came down with food poisoning (do not trust street oysters—some wisdom should simply be universal). Rather than lament the lost fantasy, he and I ended up joking about it so much we began “rating” bad movies during his recovery, leading to an unexpectedly sweet friendship. While romance didn’t blossom, the experience reminded me of a golden rule: chaos doesn’t have to derail connection—it might actually be the most human part of the journey.

So, when a situation doesn’t follow the perfect script in your head (because, realistically, it won’t), here’s your cheat sheet:
- Lead with humor: There’s rarely a disaster that can’t be softened by a well-timed joke about the universe needing better Wi-Fi if it’s going to repeatedly derail your plans.
- Be curious: When things fall apart, ask questions. Sometimes the why is more enlightening than the what.
- Remember—it’s all material: As a writer, some of my worst decisions (hello, the guitarist era) make for my best stories.

2. Authenticity Isn’t an Aesthetic—It’s a Lifeline

These days, “authenticity” feels like the avocado toast of advice: trendy, ubiquitous, and oddly hard to pin down. But while a perfectly imperfect selfie caption might make you feel like you're embracing your truest self, authenticity, true authenticity, isn’t about perfection. It’s about consistency in who you are and what you stand for—online, offline, and everywhere in between.

Growing up bilingual and bicultural meant constantly navigating different versions of myself. At home? I was a poetry-reciting, daydreaming kid who ate poutine while dissecting Brel lyrics with my mom. At school? I tried to be as "normal" as possible, masking my Montreal quirks to blend in with friends who didn’t understand my deep existential love of Leonard Cohen. This duality taught me that being authentic isn’t about showing all sides simultaneously—it’s about owning them over time.

In relationships, this means:
- Show what matters early on: The goal isn’t to drop your deepest fears by date two, but to avoid pretending to be something you’re not. If you’re a Taylor Swift fan who cries at “All Too Well,” don’t hide it. You might be surprised who’ll cry along with you.
- Stop rehearsing the candor out of your conversations: Connection thrives when you’re a little messy with your words, not when you’re reciting a perfectly polished TED Talk about your childhood.

By leaning into your truths, you’ll draw the right people closer. Trust me—anyone who doesn’t vibe with the niche chaos of your personality wasn’t going to survive the real you in six months anyway.

3. Relationships Aren’t Shoes—Stop Searching for the Perfect Fit

Confession: I once spent three months debating whether to buy a pair of shoes in Paris. Three months of clicking “Add to Cart,” wearing similar pairs, and analyzing whether my wardrobe truly needed something that extravagant. It didn’t—but I eventually caved. (They were blue suede. Très chic.)

Love is a little like this, except far less predictable and much harder to return. The dream of finding “The One” makes for excellent rom-com cinematography, but in reality, the perfect partner doesn’t exist. Why? Because people, unlike shoes, aren’t static—they bend, evolve, and sometimes clash with your favorite jacket. Successful relationships aren’t forged in finding perfection but in learning to weather imperfection together.

Here’s how that lesson shaped my approach to love:
- Compatibility > Chemistry: Chemistry is intoxicating, no doubt—like the first notes of Stromae’s “Papaoutai.” But compatibility is what keeps you listening long after the dopamine rush fades.
- Ask yourself, ‘Can I grow here?’: Relationships don’t just accessorize your life; they shape who you become. If a partnership feels like a shrinking cage instead of an expanding horizon, it’s time to reassess.
- Give grace to flaws (theirs and yours): Love has this annoying habit of holding a magnifying glass to your weaknesses. Learn to see the beauty in imperfection—it’s usually where the magic lies.

4. Humor Is Sexy; Decency Is Sexier

When I think about my favorite moments in past relationships, it’s not the grand gestures that stand out. Sure, I’ve had the picturesque dates atop Montreal rooftops (who hasn’t?). But the memories that keep me warm tend to be smaller: uncontrollable laughter on the Metro because of some shared joke. The way someone made me soup when I was sick and looked like I’d wrestled with my blanket and lost.

In all seriousness: a little kindness goes a long way. We’re taught to look for charisma, wit, and all those flashy traits that make someone unforgettable on paper. But often it’s the ability to handle the quieter, tougher moments—saving half the baguette because they know you’ll want it later—that predicts longevity.

If you’re sorting through the tall, dark, and handsome profiles (or the equally compelling artsy ones with too many tattoos), don’t forget to pause and ask: When the glitter fades, will this person show up for life’s less flattering lighting?

5. Invest in Yourself First

I’ll say it again for the readers in the back: The most important love story you’ll ever write is your own.

In my early twenties, I believed fulfillment came from someone walking into your life and flipping it upside down like one of those scenes in a romantic drama where the music swells and suddenly everything is drenched in golden-hour lighting. As it turns out, waiting for someone else to “complete you” is both futile and exhausting.

The only person responsible for your happiness, growth, and joy? You. That doesn’t make love any less valuable; it just makes it better when you’re already standing on solid ground.

Take yourself out for coffee. Learn your quirks like they’re a foreign language you’re finally fluent in. Build a life so rich with detail—not unlike a Gabriel García Márquez novel—that sharing it becomes the cherry on top rather than the whole meal.

No Fairy Tales, Just Hope

Look, I won’t promise you that dating, love, or relationships will mirror the plot of a nostalgic Nora Ephron movie. But here’s what I can promise: showing up as your delightfully imperfect self, embracing the chaos, and staying rooted in your values means you’ll create connections worth cherishing—even if some fall short of forever.

Know what you want. Own your quirks. And most importantly? Give yourself the grace to rewrite the chapters when necessary. Every good story deserves a few drafts before it becomes a classic.