So there I was, standing ankle-deep in goo that could only be described as “alien marsh Jello,” staring into the twisted abyss of an ancient cave in central Turkey. My guide, a wiry man named Yusuf who navigated the terrain like a mountain goat in Nikes, cheerfully waved me onward, oblivious to my internal crisis. If you’ve ever regretted saying yes to something during a third date, that’s about where I was. The combination of adrenaline, curiosity, and mild terror in my gut felt a lot like when someone texts you, “We need to talk.”

But let me rewind.

How Did I End Up Here?

When people think of romantic vacations, they picture Paris, Rome, maybe a cabin in the Rockies with board games and steaming mugs of hot chocolate. You know what doesn’t come to mind? A sprawling 5,000-year-old underground city called Derinkuyu in Turkey. But life—and especially dating—has a way of pulling you into unexpected places.

I’d been seeing someone—let’s call her “Cass”—and while things were still in that fun, no-pressure phase, she suggested we try something unique for our first trip together. Her idea of “unique,” it turns out, was booking us a guided tour of ancient subterranean cities once inhabited by early Christians hiding from Roman soldiers. Romantic, right? Nothing says “tell me everything you’ve never shared with another soul” like navigating a network of claustrophobic tunnels that smell vaguely of wet rocks and existential dread.

Derinkuyu: Love, Darkness, and About 200 Stairs

Now, let me say something right off the bat: I’m not prone to claustrophobia, but Derinkuyu hit differently. The entry itself is innocent enough—a humble stone stairway leading into the earth. But within minutes, you realize you’re not just dabbling in spelunking for fun. You are inside a city. Eight levels deep. The passages are narrow, the air is thin, and if you reach far enough into the labyrinth’s history, you can almost hear whispers of ancient footsteps.

For those of you who’ve been on a first group hike with a new romantic interest, you’ll understand when I say: you don’t really know someone until you’ve been in a slightly dangerous and increasingly uncomfortable situation together. On one hand, I was impressed by how game Cass was for exploring the caves. On the other hand, her ease made me question whether she was secretly testing my stamina or just at one with this Indiana Jones vibe.

“Are we... lost?” I asked at one determinedly dark point.

“You think Roman soldiers got lost down here?” she shot back, smirking.

Touché. Also: probably.

The Weirdest Date(s) Can Teach You the Most

Navigating Derinkuyu was like speeding up the timeline of a relationship. You’re jammed into tight spaces, your boundaries are tested, and you’re forced to collaborate under pressure. Kind of like trying to assemble IKEA furniture when neither of you planned ahead by watching the tutorial. The parallels are eerily perfect:

  • Communication is everything. It turns out, “Go this way!” is less effective when shouted from 20 feet down a stone passage that echoes like a haunted drum.
  • Patience is a virtue. No one tells you this about underground caves, but it’s slippery, uneven, and you WILL smack your head on low ceilings at least twice. “Breathe deeply” becomes less about centering yourself and more about restraining yourself from yelling at the nearest human.
  • You have to trust each other. At one point, when I wasn’t sure if we were lost (spoiler: we definitely were), I had to shut up and follow Cass, who seemed to know where she was going. For someone who usually prefers leading hiking groups, that trust exercise hit harder than I expected.

Couples’ therapy? Overrated. Get stuck in an ancient cave system and come out stronger—or, at least, more aware of what kind of person you’re dating.

What I Gained from 5,000 Years of Underground Wisdom

Despite the sweat, bruises, and my quiet fear that we’d emerge to find a dystopian timeline where ground-level society no longer existed, exploring Derinkuyu was everything I didn’t know I needed. Maybe it was sharing an experience so bizarre that it made any potential awkwardness between Cass and me fade into nothingness. Maybe it was the realization that I could dig (pun absolutely intended) the kind of person who tackles underground cities like it’s just another Tuesday.

Here’s what you can take away from my subterranean escapade, whether or not you ever find yourself considering a date 200 feet below ground:

  • Date outside your comfort zone. I’ll admit, my idea of adventure usually involves the great outdoors: mountains, rivers, wide-open spaces. But stepping—or, in this case, burrowing—into something unfamiliar showed me how revealing shared experiences can be. You can’t hide who you are when you’re confronted with the weird and unusual.
  • Laugh through the awkward moments. Humor is your greatest ally when you bang your head (again) or realize you’ve been trailing the wrong tour group for fifteen minutes. It’s also a great barometer. If you and your date can laugh through the tough stuff, you might just make it out of darker spaces—literally and figuratively—together.
  • The destination matters less than how you get there. Sure, Derinkuyu wasn’t on my bucket list. I hadn’t even heard of it before Cass sprang the idea on me. But it brought us closer, took us past the small talk, and gave me a story to tell whenever I want to make dinner guests gasp. Sometimes, the experience you didn’t expect is the one you’ll never forget.

The Daylight at the End of the Tunnel

Emerging from Derinkuyu was like breaking through the final few episodes of a binge-worthy TV series. You’re gloriously relieved to see the light, yet somehow nostalgic for the mess you endured to get there. Cass and I stood in the sunlight, squinting like cave creatures dragged too soon into civilization, and grinned at each other like two people who’d stumbled into something ridiculous—and wonderful.

Look, not every date will land you on the set of a historical drama, walking in the literal footsteps of ancient civilizations. But I can tell you this: when you’re willing to go somewhere truly unique, emotionally or physically, the connections you build are bound to run deeper than surface level.

Would I recommend Derinkuyu for date three? Probably not. But would I trade the experience for something easier, safer, more mainstream?

Never.

Because relationships, like underground cities, are a maze. And sometimes, you’ve got to go a little off the beaten path to find something worth holding onto.