Somewhere between the salty air and the lull of ocean waves, I learned something surprising about transformation. Nature has a way of teaching us this quietly—just look at a tidepool. From first glance, it seems unassuming, a little patch of water nestled between rocks. But when you lean in, a world bursts to life. Tiny sea anemones open and close like flowers underwater. Dappled hermit crabs skitter with determination. A camouflaged octopus might pass through, reminding you that even the ordinary can have extraordinary depth.

Much like relationships, right?

That overlap—between the seen and unseen, the surface and the magic waiting beneath—is where my journey unfolded, and maybe yours is too. So, let’s cue up some acoustic surf rock, picture the backdrop of golden-hour waves, and talk about how to move from ordinary to extraordinary in connection and love. Spoiler alert: It’s way less about grand gestures and more about leaning in to see the details.

Start Where You Are: Barreling Past Perfection

Let me confess something up front: I’ve ridden exactly one surfboard in my life, and the result was less “Hawaiian-inspired grace” and more “flailing sea lion collision.” But while my athletic abilities remain unimpressive, I’ve learned from surfers that every wave isn’t perfect—and it doesn’t have to be. You don’t wait for the perfect one; you paddle out, catch what comes, and let the wobbly rides teach you balance.

Real talk: This applies to relationships too. Whether you’re just dipping your toes into the dating world or riding the waves of a long-term connection, don’t wait for perfection. Lean into the unfiltered, imperfect moments where true connection actually happens.

Pro Tip: Trade “trying too hard” for “showing up as you are.” Nobody fell in love with someone who was pretending to yawn-laugh at a joke they didn’t actually get. Be willing to laugh at yourself—even if it involves spilling coffee on your date or mixing up their interests. (True story: I once told someone I admired their "charity work.” Turns out, they worked at a mortgage company. Fun times.)

Curiosity Changes Everything

Between tidepooling with my marine-biologist mom and interviewing local surfers for my first big writing project, one lesson stuck with me: People open up when they feel your curiosity. It’s the key that unlocks the extraordinary even in the most low-key settings.

This translates beautifully to relationships. A big myth I’d like to bust here (with the same energy as tearing into a bag of organic seaweed chips) is the idea that you should focus on being interesting to your partner. Nope. Be interested in them. Simple questions like, “What’s a random bucket list thing you’d secretly love to do?” or “What album would play in the background of your best memory?” can open doors to amazing conversations.

And for my fellow overthinkers: No, you don’t need to have rehearsed a TED Talk before a date. If all else fails, ask their stance on pineapple on pizza—it’s the great debate for a reason.

Find Joy in the Mundane

Growing up in La Jolla blessed me with breathtaking scenery. But can I be honest? After a while, even ocean sunsets can blend into background noise. It’s not because they stop being beautiful—it’s because we stop seeing them.

The same thing happens in many relationships. Over time, the popcorn-in-your-pajamas movie nights or the daily check-ins can seem routine. But here’s the thing: The magic isn’t lost, it just gets overlooked. The trick is to rediscover it by leaning into gratitude.

When I spent six months in Hawaiʻi, I met a surfer in his 70s (let’s call him “Aloha Gene”), who told me the key to his happiness was “being stoked on whatever wave shows up.” Take a lesson from Aloha Gene: Find joy in the ordinary. Celebrate the tiny traditions you share with your partner—inside jokes, shared playlists, or even the way they absolutely butcher “Happy Birthday” when it’s your turn to get serenaded.

Weather the Wipeouts

It feels easy to romanticize “extraordinary,” doesn’t it? But it’s easy to forget that extraordinary requires a little grit. (And in my case, a fair amount of sunscreen.)

Like the time I got caught in a rip current during my volunteer stint in Costa Rica. At first, I panicked. But the lifeguard taught me a lesson that I’ve carried into relationships ever since: When the waves are working against you, stop fighting them. Let yourself float, then recalibrate little by little. Trying to muscle through usually just makes us sink harder.

In relationships, there will be wipeouts. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, disappointing moments—you name it. You don’t need to have all the answers or fix them in one go. Float for a second. Focus on understanding yourself and your partner’s perspective before trying to resolve anything. Sometimes, the key to progression is simply holding space for each other.

From Ordinary to Extraordinary: Keep Showing Up

Here’s the kicker: Transformation isn’t a one-time event. You don’t wake up with glowing hearts and fireworks, freshly titled as “extraordinary.” Instead, it’s a series of small choices—kindness over criticism, trust over suspicion, and presence over distraction. It’s making room for wonder, curiosity, occasional chaos, and all the beautiful in-betweens.

What’s extraordinary isn’t some unattainable, red-carpet-worthy romance. It’s deciding, every day, to lean into the messy beauty of connection—whether you’re navigating a new spark or rekindling an old flame.

Extraordinary doesn’t mean adding glitter to everything you touch. Sometimes, it just means slowing down enough to notice the glitter that’s already there. Like watching a tidepool under afternoon light or realizing their laugh always swirls a little unpredictably toward the end.

At the end of the day, love—real, thrilling, helium-balloon love—isn’t something you buy or script. Like the ocean itself, it’s profoundly ordinary, profoundly extraordinary, and always worth showing up for.